Red Hot ~Nikki Sixx

Part 50: Dream On

It was also difficult to focus on the TV when those eloquent words ran on repeat in her head while her cell phone seemed to be calling out to her. She nibbled on her lower lip and eyeballed the device sitting on the coffee table next to the vase practically triple dog daring her to pick it up and dial.

It's 3am. You know he's probably still awake. Just do it.

Ashten pulled her knees up to her chest, her toes wiggling against the cushion. The nagging voice in the back of her head came to the forefront, as it often did in times of dissociation.

But what if he isn't awake?

Or what if he is and he isn't alone?

Or even worse, what if he's awake and ignores you?

Wait. IS that worse?

I need food.

Rolling her eyes, she abruptly stood and made her way to the kitchen with the intention of eating her feelings by way of peanut butter cookies and chocolate milk.

"Fuck," she cursed out loud upon remembering she'd taken all baked goods to Tommy's to avoid the exact stress sugar consumption she planned.

Begrudgingly, after hearing the rain and wind pick up even further, she gave up the brief notion of making a beeline for Tommy's kitchen and settled on some hot tea. Peppermint tea. Supposedly it was deemed to be a natural relaxer.

Ashten blew across the mug to cool the hot liquid as she walked back into her living room.

What would You even say to him? You haven't made any decisions yet. You don't know what the hell you want.

Yes, you do. You want him.

Really? Then how come you can't stop picturing that night in the hotel? The haunting look in his eyes. His sickening words.

Glorified groupie.

Never should have fucked you.

Coward.

How come you still feel the seemingly permanent rock in the bottom of your stomach and a crack in your heart?

Do you forgive him? Can you?

She huffed at herself before taking a sip of her tea. Glancing up to see Joey and Chandler argue over who had dibs on the big white chair, her gaze quickly detoured back over to her phone.

Just leave it alone.

You need to go to sleep.

And you really need to stop taking to yourself.

"Fuck it." Her heavy sleep deprived eyes began to feel like sandpaper as she ignored her inner monologue and reached for her cell. Just as she touched the screen and scrolled down to Nikki's name a bright zap of lighting accompanied by an earth shattering clap of thunder shook through the living room.

Ashten jumped in her seat and dropped the phone on the cushion beside her, staring at it in wide-eyed disbelief.

Ok. Fine. Message received.

Taking the dramatic warning from up above as a sign she put her phone away. After finishing her tea she wrapped herself back up in her blanket and stretched out on the sofa. She was asleep after one more episode of Friends.

Then by 7am she was awake again and in Tommy's kitchen preparing breakfast.

By 8am she had a pan of home made sticky buns in the oven.