Concupiscence

VIII: Never Have, Never Will

"I love you"

D-did I hear wrong? Did Zee just say he loves me? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK? No this can't be true. No fucking way. All my life I've been told I'm worthless and that no one could ever care about me. To be completely honest I don't know if I love him too. I have had a crush on him since I started working here but I don't think it ever blossomed into real love. I notice all the fucking boners he gets when I walk in his office but I never thought he would love me. Maybe it's not love. Maybe it's just lust that is disguised as love because someone as great as Zee loving someone like me, is too good to be true. But I doubt he loves me. I'm not worthy of being loved never have never will be.

"Zee you don't know what you're saying."

"What do you mean of course I do."

"You don't love me, you pity me, you're just sexually attracted to me. Don't think I don't noticed those boners you always get when I'm around. But Zee I'm not worthy of being loved never have, never will be. You don't deserve some abused low life from the streets, like myself, you deserve someone more in your class. And to be completely honest with you Zee I don't deserve you. Never have never will."

Zee felt like he got punched. The fact that those bastards convinced Saint that he was a low life made his skin boil and he wanted nothing more than to hunt them down and kill them all. The fact that Saint just called himself a 'low life from the streets' didn't make him pity him but wonder what else happened when Saint was homeless, yes he told him the basics of everything but he didn't go to into detail about his homelessness because whatever happened must have been pretty bad if Saint thinks about himself that way.

"Saint, who are you to tell me my feelings?"

Saint was shocked he didn't expect Zee to say that after what he just said. He fully expected Zee to say he was right and kick him back on the streets.

"W-what do you mean?"

"Saint, look at me."

"Saint Suppapong Udomkaekanjana, I have never in my 27 years of being on this fucked up planet have had feelings for someone the way you have feelings for you. You are not and never will be a 'low life from the streets' you are so much more than that. You are the first person who I've ever said those 3 words to and actually meant it to a certain degree where I'd say it to you for the rest of my life. I don't know if you love me. And to be honest it doesn't matter but what does matter is that you are loved, a great deal by me."

When saying these words Zee his arms which were wrapped around Saint tightened reassuring him that he was there.

Saint was holding back tears from this sudden confession. It almost made him cry how Zee didn't have any shame in admitting it, too.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you love me?"

"Because you're the only person on this planet who doesn't have a problem with standing up to me. No one has ever grown a pair to do that before. That's probably the main reason. Other small reasons as well. Your personality, your smile, your laugh, and the way I feel whenever you walk into my office. I've never felt that way about anyone."

"Ok."

"Ok? What do you mean 'ok'?"

"Ok as in, I'm convinced you love me and you don't pity."

"D-do you f-feel the s-same?"

"I'm sure if I love you yet but I definitely like you."

Zee was satisfied with this answer. Yes he was a little disappointed that Saint didn't love him but he was happy that at least he was liked and that was enough for him.

"Let's go to bed, Saint."

"Wait, you want me to sleep here?"

"Yeah"

"In the bed?"

"Yeah"

"With you?"

"Why is that a problem?"

"No it's not a problem I can do that."

Zee and Saint went to bed. Back to back. Once and hour or two passed one of the two parties thought the other was asleep. 

"I love you." 

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End of Chapter 8

Sorry this chapter is so late 

I've been busy all weekend

Until Next time

-Yo