SNL 2020

Melons and Brats pt1

Qing: You are really a worldclass brat. (shaking the package of apples) I bought these with you on my mind. You will eat these.

Me: No I won't. You eat it.

Qing: Feng Jian Yu!

Me: Feng Jian Yu! See? I can also shout my name.

Qing: You...ARGH!

Your Baba looks like he wants to strangle me. Qing slammed the package of apples on the dining table.

Qing: You better eat these apples or I swear Dayu ah...I will never buy you anything ever again.

Me: (snorting) Don't lie. The next time you did something wrong, you will buy my forgiveness again because that's what you are good at. Because you use money to make things easy for you!

Okay...I see it now, I am the asshole.

Qing: (pained look on his face) You are not just a brat but a jerk as well. Eat these apples! (walking away)

Me: No I won't! If you won't eat it, it will rot, Wang Qing!

Qing: Then let it rot! You selfish brat!

And that's what happened. My stubborn ass let the apples rot on the fruit tray. Qing growled everytime he sees them then he will throw a dagger look at me. I will sneer at him and walk to get away from him. I let the apples rot until it smells offensively.

Then one day, in the middle of the week, the apples were gone from the fruit tray. Qing obviously threw it away.

To replace it with two boxes of honeydew melons. I opened the boxes and each box contained four medium sized melons. Qing bought me eight honeydew melons.

Me: (smiling at the melons) I knew it. He knew he was wrong and he used his money again to buy my forgiveness. Typical Wang Qing. You see, my future husband to be...I know you. I know you and your wallet.

Qing couldn't lie to me. I know he will do this. Use his money to give me what I want and to gain my forgiveness.

That night, I kissed Qing's cheek and forgave him as I ate sweet slices of honeydew melons. The woman on the video was right. They taste like honey.

Me: I forgive you. I love you again. Thanks for the honeydew melons. But really, you didn't have to buy that many.

Qing: Hmmm...

In retrospect, I should have been suspicious of that grumbled hum. I know Qing. I know how much of a bastard he can be. Especially if he thinks he is teaching me a lesson.

The next day, I went home to find three boxes of honeydew melons. I haven't yet finished eating two melons from the first batch he bought, Qing bought three more boxes of them.

Shit!

Me: (gesturing at the boxes of melons, there are five of them now) What are these?

Qing: Honeydew melons. You love them, right?

Me: Yes...but...

Qing: (dangerous glint on his eyes) You better eat them all. Don't waste them. Don't give them away. I spent good money on them. Money, which is all I have. Money that I use to make things easy only for myself.

Oh...he knows how to hold grudges. Your Baba.

Qing: (smiling gleefully) Enjoy them...(walking away)

Me: Oi! Wang Qing!

I feel a headache coming on.

What will I do with all these honeydew melons?

Me: I will eat them all! I don't care if my blood will be replaced with honeydew melon extract, I will eat them all! I will show that Wang Qing!

That night, I made creamy fruit salad with lots of melons. Then I juiced two of them to drink with our dinner. Qing took a sip and made a face.

Qing: (putting down the glass of melon juice) Too sweet for my taste. You drink it all, Love.

Me: (wanting to smash the pitcher on his head) Oh I will. You don't have to worry about that.

I snatched his glass and drained the melon juice in it. But Qing was not done making my blood boil. He went to the fridge to get the apple juice on a carton and mixed it with some vodka and ice to drink.

Qing: (smacking his lips after drinking) Hmmm, apples are not that bad.

Me: (teeth grinding) I hate you.

Qing just laughed and continued eating his dinner. I regret that I didn't poison our food. I wish I did so we will both die and I will kill him in the afterlife.

(Dayu ah...!)

Argh! He is the asshole now! Right?! I mean come on! Qing is a big asshole. I hate him.

And by next morning, I was starting to hate honeydew melons as much as I hate my fiancé. I ate some during breakfast and I was close to tears before finishing the whole thing. I ate so much honeydew melons I think I will poop nothing but it for the next three weeks. I know...not a enticing image but I am getting desperate now.

That's why I knocked on the Goddess' door to whine at her. I told her everything while munching on banana bread and tea. Finally, a different fruit! I could cry.

Me: He is an asshole.

Goddess: You both are, you brat. Hey, look at me and listen. It's forbidden for a mistress to be disdainful of her lover's money. Money is a big factor in every affair. Don't let other people lie to you. Having money is always good. You, you ungrateful brat, sneered at your lover's money and how he lavish and indulge you with it. This is your fault.

Me: I am not his mistress.

Goddess: Think of everything you both went through and say that again.

Me: (sighing) Fine! So he spoiled me rotten like a sugar baby. But I have his ring and he will marry me. I will not be his kept lover. I'll be the legal spouse.

Goddess: Good for you. But that doesn't change the fact that you are a brat and you have three and a half box full of melons that you now hate and can't give away or waste.

Me: (in agony) What should I do?

Goddess: Swallow that pride and apologize prettily to Hot Roommate.

Me: (growling) No! Never!

Goddess: Then hold on to your pride and finish all those melons by yourself.

Me: (hiccuping) Hey, why are you so impatient? I will apologize.

Goddess: (laughing) Ah, you are adorable.

(Yes you are adorable, Dayu ah. Hi hi...)

No, what I am is miserable. I now have to apologize to Qing and hope that he will forgive my stupid ass for being nasty to him and his money. I swear, I could be insensitive at times. And ungrateful.

Qing was right, I am an ungrateful brat. Maybe the Goddess is right. I should apologize and apologize prettily. Hmmm, maybe I should wear something sexy for Qing to get him to forgive me easily.

Yikes! I think if Qing uses his money to buy his way out of sticky situations...I use sex to my favor. I am worse than Qing! I am an asshole! Hu hu...

But all my apologetic feelings disappeared when someone knocked on our door to deliver four...I want you all to read that again...FOUR BOXES OF HONEYDEW MELONS.

I will kill that Wang Qing slowly!!!