SNL 2020

Ring Robber

I am distressed again.

Qing: Do you want your ring back or not?

Me: (smacking his shoulder) Rub the soap! Rub it good!

Qing: (groaning) Being with you...I swear...

I snatched the soap from his hand and took over. I rub it on Qing's finger and the ring. Make it all soapy and slippery. But the ring won't budge.

We go at it for a long time that Qing finally had enough.

Qing: (snatching his hand back) It's not working. My hand is already feeling numb from too much washing, Dayu ah.

Me: (teary eyed again) Then what should we do?

Qing: (thinking) What about oil? Maybe we can use that instead of soap.

Me: (perking up) Yes! Lets do that!

So we changed venue from the bathroom to the kitchen. I grabbed the bottle of oil, we sat down on the dining table and started applying oil on Qing's finger and around the ring. Qing and I took turns pulling the oiled ring from his oiled finger but the ring still won't budge.

Qing: (studying the ring) I think the oil is not seeping underneath the ring so it's still stuck.

Me: What do you mean?

Qing: (sighing) The oil is also not working, Love.

Me: No! You mean, the oil failed us?!

Qing: I think so...

Me: Noooo! Not the oil too! The soap is already a disappointment.

(You are so dramatic sometimes)

Qing and I sat on the dining room in silence. Both thinking of anything slippery we can use to get my ring off his finger. Then my eyes saw something.

The knife stand.

Qing: (following my gaze) Oh no! Stop thinking about it!

Me: (blinking innocently at Qing) Lets go to a hospital to get your finger cut off, Qing.

(WHAT?!)

Qing: Are you insane?!

Me: There are doctors there. They can stitch it back. Your finger...

Qing: FENG JIAN YU!

I winced at the loudness of his voice. I'm not saying I'm blaming Qing for shouting...

(Of course you can't! You just suggested that Baba should cut his finger off so you can get your ring)

Okay, if you will word it like that...yeah that makes me sound truly selfish...but...

Qing: (eyes flashing in anger) There is no but. The only thing that will get cut, if ever we will go to the hospital, is your ring. Do you hear me? I will order a laser procedure just to cut this ring off me.

I gasped. Qing is threatening to cut my ring. He will...ruin my engagement ring!

Me: You won't do that.

Qing: (taking my hand) Dayu ah, I can get you another ring. I will buy one again. Something that looks just like this. Maybe even one with bigger stones.

Me: (pulling my hand back) No! That is my ring and I want it! (grabbing his collar) If you ruin my ring and get me another one, you will need to propose on that meadow again. And I promise you, Wang Qing, I won't just reject your proposal and new ring...I will do what I should have done that first time you try to rush me to be engage with you. I will bludgeon you to death on that meadow! I will murder you there! Do you hear me?!