Calming A Racing Heart

Chapter One

           Joshua Moore stood on the small balcony outside his hotel sitting room, the interior lights dimmed to give him a better view of the night sky. The stars made constellations that were different from the ones he was familiar with from his home planet of Earth. He still found the sight both beautiful and soothing.

            It was not the stars that held his attention but the infinite darkness of deep space that surrounded each point of light. That vast emptiness of space mirrored the emptiness he felt deep within himself. He would be glad when his father finished his business here and they would travel to some new planet through that vast emptiness. Joshua never felt whole but at least out there he felt more at ease with his own emptiness.

            When it was time to join his father for the little party Jonathan had arranged, Joshua appraised his appearance one more time in the mirror. His father always insisted that Joshua look impeccable whenever appearing in public; they had a reputation to uphold.

          His reflection showed a handsome young man. He was slightly over six feet tall with broad, muscular shoulders and a slim waist. He was told he looked amazing in the designer clothing his father insisted he wear. Joshua didn't see it. His straight, sunlight blond hair was always neatly styled and outlined delicate but masculine features. Dark blue eyes were framed with thick dark lashes and separated by a straight high bridged nose. His mouth was wide with generous lips that tended to a natural rosy pink. Many men of his time took to wearing make up to enhance their looks but with his ruddy skin tone and colorful lips, Joshua never felt the need. Besides, what make up could ever cover up the hole Joshua felt was at the center of his being.

         The emptiness had been with him his whole life.

          When he was little it was just a vague feeling, like something was missing in him. As a child he had tried talk to his father about what he was feeling. As busy as he was, Jonathan Moore always made time to listen to his only child, but he never understood.

          Back then, his father had dismissed his feelings as missing the mother he had never known. She had died shortly after Joshua was born. He only knew her through what little his father was willing to tell him. Joshua always thought it was strange that there were never any pictures of her around and how reluctant his father was to talk about her. Whenever he would ask, his father would give some vague response and change the subject. Missing his mother was a part of it but only a very tiny part that grew smaller as the void grew larger.

         Because they traveled frequently, Joshua rarely made friends or kept in contact with those he did make. He found those relationships unfulfilling and superficial. No one he met, nothing he tried would fill the void he had inside him. He was forced to deal with the emptiness on his own.

          When he reached his teens, his father still dismissed it. He now saw it as Joshua's need to make a name for himself outside of the shadow of his renowned parent. Jonathan Moore was one of the most outstanding businessmen in the universe. He businesses touched every inhabited planet known. He would encourage Joshua to strike out on his own whenever possible. To build his own reputation. All of it came with Jonathan's assurances that soon Joshua would "find himself" and all these foolish feelings would go away. None of his facile answers came close to assuaging the aching void Joshua had inside himself. His father's extreme unease when he spoke of it soon silenced him on this matter.

          The silence became harder to keep when, on his sixteenth birthday, the longing began.

          It was an overwhelming yearning to fill the void inside him. It was a hunger that nothing could satisfy, this longing that took up residence at the center of his emptiness. It intruded on every aspect of his life until Joshua thought he would go insane. He tried again to talk to his father, but Jonathan refused to give credence to his son's words. He passed off Joshua's feelings with pat phrases like "puberty" and "growing pains" and "It will get better when you are older". There wasn't anyone else the young boy could seek advice from, no other family members or even close friends. Joshua was alone as he tried to handle these feelings he couldn't understand.

          There was one aspect of this longing that Joshua's father couldn't ignore. When the emotional longing began, it physically manifested as a sudden increase in Joshua's heart rate. Within minutes Joshua's heart accelerated to nearly four time that of a normal Earth human, leaving him lying on the floor of his bedroom gasping for breath.

           Jonathan refused to believe that one had anything to do with the other. There had to be some medical reason for Joshua's sudden accelerated heartbeat. During the next two years Joshua found himself entering hospital after hospital, visiting specialist in Earth medicine on every world his father could find. He endured seemingly endless test and treatments. It didn't matter that within a few days Joshua's body had adapted to his new heart rate and he was able to continue his normal daily life. Jonathan Moore insisted that someone needed to "cure" his son. Time after time the doctors they visited failed to find any cause for Joshua's rapid heartbeat. None of their medicines or therapies had any effect. It wasn't until Joshua finally put his foot down and refused to see another doctor did his father back down.

            For ten years Joshua dealt with this longing that tried to overpower every aspect of his life. At times it would be so intense Joshua would be driven to tears. Tears he had to keep locked up inside.

         This was one of those times.  In the 2 days since he and his father had arrived on the planet of Casentell, Joshua had kept himself buried in the work his father needed him to handle. He was trying his best to ignore the fact that the longing had suddenly increased in intensity, his heartbeat speeding up even faster. Joshua would catch himself standing in a crowd of strangers staring intently at their faces as they passed, trying to find that link that would fulfill the longing. He didn't dare mention it to his father. He was afraid he would end up back in the same hospital routine again. He was hardly in the mood for tonight's festivities but his father, as usual, had been insistent.

           Tonight, he would be attending another one of those grand parties his father had started to throw on every planet they visited. Jonathan liked to call them a Meet and Greet for those families he considered the most socially acceptable. Actually, it was Jonathan's veiled attempts to get Joshua married. Over the last few years, the subject of marriage had become a sore point between them. Jonathan was eager for his son to marry and start a family, a new generation to carry on the family name. He never missed an opportunity to introduce Joshua to as many eligible women as he encountered.

           Over the years, Joshua had suffered through more arranged dates than he could count. He would agree to go mainly to get his father off his back. Secondly, he'd go with the faint hope that he would somehow find the one who would fill the emptiness inside him. Within seconds he would know that the woman he was with wasn't the one and would suffer through another awkward night. None of these encounters lasted more than a single outing with Joshua being the one to refuse any further contact. None of Jonathan's arguing or insisting would change that.

          Once again, he would spend the night fending off a parade of lovely young woman all vying for his attention. In the past this was how these things would go. Joshua had no reason to believe tonight would be any different. He still planned to attend. It wasn't just to avoid the wrath of his father the next day. He couldn't pass up on that one in a million chance that what he was longing for would somehow appear.

   

A/N 

It's human nature to feel a desire to connect with another person on a special level.  We've all felt it.  But is there something more behind what Joshua is feeling.  Something more to the physical manifestations of this emptiness and longing?  And will this be the night Joshua finds what he is longing for?

Thank you for reading.  This is my first attempt at a BL romance.  I've put my spin on some of the standard concepts for these stories so I hope you will enjoy them and stick with me till the end.  I have fallen in love with my main guys and I hope you will love them too.  

Comments are always welcome.  So are votes if you well so inclined.  

Next update will be in 3 days.  See you then