Thick and Thin [l. hemmings]

forty-four

The four of us roommates decided to go out for a late dinner. There isn't really a reason, we just haven't in a while. So, we decided to go out. We were waiting for a table, until Nina walks up and stands directly behind me.

"Uh, Kels?" Nina quietly panics, taking off her sweater and wrapping it around me from behind.

"What?"

"Let's just go to the bathroom, okay? Come on, let's go." She tells me, pushing me along.

Once we're in there, she pushes me into a stall, and once I feel cramps, I realize I'm bleeding.

"I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding a lot." I mumble, starting to worry as I sit on the toilet.

"Yeah, that's why I brought you in here. Here's a tampon. Keep my sweater around you." She says, holding one under the stall for me.

"Oh my god. Oh my god, Nina! Oh my god. No, I don't need it. Oh my god. This is way more than last time." I panic, beginning to feel the tears pool in my eyes.

"Huh? You don't need it? What's going on?" She asks, her hand no longer under the stall. She knocks at the door, waiting for an answer.

"I'm pregnant, Nina! This isn't normal!"

"You're what?" She exclaims. "Oh my god, let me in."

I lean over to open the stall door, thankfully there was enough room for her to be in here with me.

"Oh my god, I'm cramping. Nina, oh my god. It's happening." I tell her, sniffling as I avoid her gaze.

"What's going on?" She mutters, mostly to herself.

"I think you know what's going on, you aren't dumb!" I quietly exclaim, even though nobody else is in the bathroom with us.

She doesn't reply, she just frowns and holds my hands.

"I had some bleeding for a while a couple days ago but my doctor told me I should be okay! She did say this might happen, but, fuck!" I quietly exclaim through the tears that were steadily streaming down my face now.

"What can I do? Oh my god, Kels." She asks, taking deep breaths. I can tell she's trying to stay calm for me, but I can see the panic in her face.

"I need to call my doctor. We need to leave. God, I should've known. I've had cramps and spotting still these past couple days. Fuck. I should've known. I should've been more concerned. I'm such an idiot."

"I can take you. Yeah, I'll take you. I have a pad too, when you're ready we can go."

"Can you just sit with me for a second, please?" I sheepishly ask, still holding her hands. I wasn't ready to leave. I was too scared to get up and go. It would make it all real.

"Of course, Kelsey. Anything."

We sit in silence, I don't know what to say, I'm sure Nina doesn't either.

"You know what? Just go get Kyle's keys, make up an excuse for us to leave while I call my doctor." I tell her, letting go of her hands as she stands up.

She nods, quickly leaving the stall to do as I say, and I pull out my phone, trying to prepare myself.

-

"I should've told him. I feel so bad. He should be here too. Oh my god." I say, barely over a whisper.

"Ashton?" She asks, already knowing that it must be him.

I nod, "I'm ten weeks. I was supposed to have an appointment tomorrow. I had to schedule one for this reason. She would've told me this was going to happen."

"I'm so sorry..." Is all Nina can say. I don't blame her. I wouldn't know how to deal with me either. It's not an easy situation.

"Kiana's wedding is next month. I don't need this now!" I sob, the cramps worsening during the car ride.

"Don't think about that now. The wedding should be the last thing on your mind."

I nod, just focusing on the issue at hand.

-

"Fuck!" I groan, Nina holding me in her arms as I cry through the physical pain. I don't even want to address the emotional pain.

We were both sitting in my bed now, after a quick trip to the hospital.

"Hey... Nina, I know you told me not to ask, but I just wanted to make sure she's okay..." Kyle nervously trails off.

"She's fine, just-"

"I'm having a miscarriage and it can be more uncomfortable than you think!" I interrupt, not even caring who knows at this point. I'm so distraught and in pain to filter anything I'm saying.

"Shh... They said it shouldn't be much longer, you're okay. I'll grab pain meds. You should really take them. You should've taken them already." Nina calmly says, ignoring the fact I just snapped at Kyle and told him what's going on as she moves slowly to get up.

"What the fu-"

"Just leave, Kyle! Don't tell anybody!" Nina snaps, looking up at Kyle standing in my bedroom doorway, while she grabs the pills from my desk.

I sniffle, "I think I'm gonna go to the bathroom for a quick second. Do you think you could come with me? I really don't want to be alone."

"Of course, Kels. I'm here. Whatever you need, I'm here." She says, handing the pills and a bottle of water to me.

After taking them, I get up and head to the bathroom, where I'll probably be spending a lot of my time these next few hours.

-

Once it hit three in the morning, I wasn't feeling as awful as I did before. Nina was stood by the door of the bathroom as I made sure I was ready to go to bed. The pills had worked for the pain, but there's still everything else.

"I can spend the night in your room, if you'd like?" Nina offers, and I quickly nod. She weakly smiles, "I'm gonna go get everything ready."

"I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you."

She leaves the bathroom, and I wash my hands. I just stare at myself in the mirror for what feels like forever. I look exhausted, because I am. I felt like I looked crazy. But again, I can't look all happy or excited after what just went on these past few hours.

"Kels?" Ashton calls from the doorway, making me jump.

"You scared me. Why are you up?" I ask, snapping back into reality.

"I thought I could hear you wailing earlier. But then it stopped. I thought I imagined it. Haven't been able to go back to sleep since. Thought I'd come check and see if you're okay."

I sigh, "I'm fine, yeah. Just a long night. Got some bad news. I'm okay. I'm gonna go get some sleep. We'll talk soon."

"Oh, uh, okay. Goodnight."

"Night." I mumble as I walk into my room. Closing the door behind me, I look up to see Nina climbing into my bed. She tries to smile at me before waving me over.

"You really need to sleep. Come on." She says, patting the space next to her.

"Can you cuddle me?" I ask, my voice soft, not even sure if she could hear me.

"Of course."

"Thanks." I mumble, curling up and closing my eyes.

"Anything, Kelsey. I'm here. I'll always be here, okay?"

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I didn't want to update during these times but writing also helps w my mental health so just as a reminder: Black Lives Matter. keep protesting. keep talking. keep sharing.