Pretty Little Liars: The Beginning {Episodes 1-10} (REVISED)

31. Emily 🏊‍♀️

Emily sat in the window seat of her bedroom, staring out at the front yard. She couldn't see anyone out on the street, just the dim lights of people in their houses, the occasional shadow passing over the windows, living their normal lives. Emily, on the other hand, felt like an alien.

Ever since the kiss from Ben this morning, she had felt more and more confused about herself. She hadn't felt this way in a very long time. Her eyes were red with the tears that she had finally let go of once she had finished her homework and was left alone with her thoughts. She felt lost and trapped in her own skin, and she didn't know what to do about it. It was like all sense of normalcy had thrown itself out the window, one thing after another since Ali was discovered.

Her mom came into her room, carrying a fresh pile of clean laundry for Emily to put away. Emily couldn't even imagine doing such a simple task at that moment. The heaviness of her situation was just too much for her to do anything but grieve. Mrs Fields placed Emily's clothes on the bed and turned to her, noticing that she hadn't even moved a little bit.

"You alright?" her mom asked. Emily glanced at her just long enough for her to see fresh teardrops forming in her eyes. Mrs Fields sat down next to Emily and looked out into the street with her. "It's all gonna be okay. I promise you. Everything's gonna get back to normal."

"I don't know what normal feels like anymore," Emily mumbled.

"You've been missing her for a whole year," Mrs Fields said. "You know, that's a lot to take on."

Emily could feel every nerve in her body screaming at her to tell her mom that this wasn't even about Alison entirely. Sure, that seemed to be the focus of it, but the truth was that she didn't even really know who she was anymore. She had to choose her words carefully though. This wasn't the right time to drive a wedge between them.

"It's not just that," she said quietly. "I think there's something wrong with me."

Even as she said it, the tears slipped down. There was nothing more that she could say about how she was feeling without giving away every detail of why she was really feeling so down. The discovery of Alison's body, and maybe even Maya's sudden arrival, brought up all of the feelings Emily had felt before Ali went missing. It terrified her.

Mrs Fields didn't seem to quite catch the underlying meaning in what Emily said. Why would she have any reason to suspect that something else might be going on? "Honey, there's nothing wrong with you. You lost a dear friend," Mrs Fields sighed. "You need to find a way to say goodbye."

She was right, and Emily hated to admit it. Alison had vanished so suddenly that there was really no chance for her or any of the girls to say goodbye. One minute, Ali was in the barn with them, laughing and drinking and everything was fine. Next thing they knew, she was gone. Forever. Someone had killed her and buried her in a hole in the ground.

Emily knew that the other girls must be feeling the same way. When she really thought about it, she was shaken and disturbed by the fact that someone even had the ability to do such a horrendous thing, not to mention keeping it quiet for a year. She couldn't help but think of how despicable of a human someone would have to be to do such a thing.

"What about reaching out to the other girls?" Mrs Fields continued. "Have you talked to them? Have you told them how you feel?"

Emily shook her head. She hadn't reached out to anyone really, except for Aria. But two conversations on a porch swing didn't make a friendship. "In some ways, finding out Ali is really gone has brought us back together, but it's still not what it used to be."

"Why?" Mrs Fields asked.

Emily thought back to when Alison was around. If she was being completely honest, she couldn't think of many times that they had hung out without her. After she disappeared, their friendship had basically gone with her. Other than a few empty texts and awkward conversations in the hallways, the girls hardly spoke once she was gone. "We were friends because of Ali," Emily said finally.

"Then use her to get close again," Mrs Fields said, rubbing Emily's leg to comfort her. "You guys need to find a way to say goodbye together."

Mrs Fields was right again. She got up and left Emily in her room as Emily tried to come up with a way to get the girls together to say goodbye to Alison. Maybe if they did, things really would start to go back to normal.