Best Friends?

And How Do You Feel?

Luke

"We need to talk," I said to Tiffany as we walked to our cars after school.

"Okay," she replied, "About what?"

I stopped walking just before we reached her car. She turned to face me with a worried expression.

"Tiff, I know you've made mistakes in this relationship, but I have, too," I started, "There are things I need to sort out in my life, and I'm starting with this. For as long as I can remember, I've had a crush on the one person I've never been without. The past few weeks I haven't talked to her at all, and nobody knows how much it's been to torturing me. The reason I say this is because it's not fair to you to have to be in a relationship with me when I don't truly love you like I love someone else. I realized that really, the only reason I've ever dated anyone is to get her attention and hopefully change her mind. That and partially hoping to move on, but I don't see how that'll ever happen because every time I picture myself having a future and a life with someone else, it hurts my heart. The feeling I get thinking about my life without her makes me the most uncomfortable, irrational, distraught version of me there ever could be. Don't even get me started on how I feel when I see her with someone else. I cannot describe how angry and jealous it makes me to imagine her with another guy. So today, I'm giving up. Right here, and right now, I'm putting my foot down. If I don't pursue her, I will have to live my life without her whether I like it or not, but if I do and she still rejects me, then at least I can say I tried. That's more than some can say. I'm sorry, Tiffany, but I need to break up with you. It's what's best for us both."

Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. I really hope she didn't get angry. I remember how she felt about Mazy our first year of school, but she did tell me she was over it. I never would've dated her if she hadn't promised me that much.

"Oh," she said timidly, "You know, I don't think I've ever been dumped. Then again, I don't think I've ever had a relationship last this long, either." The guilt must've shown in my face because she quickly recovered herself with a smile, "Luke, don't worry about it. Yeah, Mazy isn't my favorite person in the world, but I can tell you're crazy about her. No matter how much I wish I could change that, it's obvious, and I should quick wasting my time as well as letting you waste your time." She smiled understandingly.

I let out a sigh of relief and said, "Thank you so much for understanding, Tiff. You're amazing, and you deserve someone who'll love you without anyone or anything getting in the way."

"Thank you," she replied happily, "I know I do. That's why I'm letting you go. Now, go get your girl before I change my mind."

With one last hug, I did as I was told and drove straight into Mazy's driveway. I ran so fast up the stairs that I nearly fell in and busted down the door. As I approached the door, I wasn't sure what to do. Did I knock? For as long as I could remember, I'd always just walked in, but now it feels strange after so many days of having nothing to do with it.

So, much to my embarrassment, I knocked on the door and waited for a response. Mrs. Kathy let me in with a smile.

"You should really go talk to her," she spoke quietly, "She's been different since you guys fought. It'd be nice to see you two smiling again."

I nodded. "Yeah, I know." I stood at the foot of the staircase leading to her room. "It'll be nice to see ourselves smile for me, too."

With that, I padded up each step, growing more and more confident with each stride. This time, as I reached the door, I didn't hesitate to throw it open without a single knock.

Mazy sat at her desk. Her head swung in my direction, a frightened expression across her face. When she realized it was me, she shook her head a little with a giggle.

"Sorry," I said with a smirk, "Didn't mean to scare you."

She shrugged and answered, "Nothing I'm not used to. Although, it has been a while since I've had to worry about it."

I sat on her bed. "I know. I'm sorry..."

"I know. You apologized earlier, I shouldn't be throwing that back in your face."

"No, it's okay. I really have been being a jerk, and that's not something that should be so easily forgiven, Mazy. I've been going insane, and I don't know why I didn't say I was sorry sooner. I guess I have more of my Dad in me than I thought."

She shook her head and sat next to me, grabbing my hand to get my attention. "Look, I know you've been ignoring me, but I'm just as guilty. You're not the only one who's been avoiding the other lately."

"Mazy, this isn't about you. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have let this all happen."

She was silent. Her gaze was on the ground, trying hiding her face from me.

"You..." She trailed off.

"I, what?"

She glanced at me before looking at floor again. "Do you regret kissing me?"

"No, not at all. I only regret how it happened. I should've never asked Tiffany to go out with me, and really, I was just trying to get you to look at me. I thought that maybe, deep down inside, you felt like I do about you. If I got you jealous by dating someone else, maybe you would've told me how you felt, but I suppose that was dumb, too. I know you better than to think that you would just suddenly explain exactly how you felt just because I went out with her."

She smiled that smile that tells me I did something dumb. "Yeah, that's kind of dumb, Andy." I laughed with her.

"It's a relief to hear you laugh again," I said as I lifted my thumb to her cheek, "It's good to know I can still make you laugh, Mazy Wazy."

"Of course you can, Luke. Just because we fight doesn't mean it changes how I feel around you."

"And how do you feel around me?" I knew the risks of this question. She could tell me she just wants to be friends, or she could say that's she's loved me this entire time, too. This is the moment I've been waiting for since I knew what love was.

I had to know the answer. It was now or never.