SNL 2020

Giving In pt1

You see, this is something I learned from Qing's mother in the early months of my relationship with Qing. Have I told y'all that during our first months together, Qing and I fought a lot. Most of those early fights we had are because of this thing called "giving in".

Mama explained it all to me. I will admit, it pricked all my alarm bells as well. It took me a lot of time to think about if I can do it. You see, being with a Wang means there will be moments when you relinquish some notions or beliefs that you can take care of yourself.

Mama: I'm telling you this because it's important that you know, Wang men has a tendency to think that they can decide better for you than you can decide for yourself.

Me: (blinking) Come again?

Mama: (sighing) You see, Dayu ah...it's not because they think you are stupid or incapable. It's because they think their judgment is more sound than yours. That the solution or decision they came up with is better than yours. Qing will be like that.

Me: Even if it's about me and not about him?

Mama: (nodding) Yes, I'm afraid so. There'll be frustrating moments ahead of you. They are domineering. They could be intimidating but what you need to realize is that they are not unreasonable. You can reason with them, you just have to know when to do that and when to give in and just let them do what they think they need to do to save you.

Me: (swallowing hard) I don't need saving though.

Mama: Wrong. You cannot be with a Wang and believe a thing like that. You need to rephrase it. You don't need saving everytime. You can do things on your own at times. The other times...

Me: I have to let Qing do it for me?

Mama: (nodding) That's it. You are getting it. (grimacing apologetically) I know this is a lot to think about, but before your relationship to Qing goes any further, you have to resolve this on your heart and mind. This important question that you need to answer if you want to stay with a Wang. When do I relinquish control to them and can I do it?

Me: (blinking rapidly) Oh...

Mama: (patting my hand) If you think you can do it and stay with my son, I'll be grateful, Dayu ah. If you need advice when that moment comes that you don't want to relinquish control yet Qing is not budging one bit, call me. I will help you assess the situation and advice you if you need to stand your ground or just give in to Qing. Just remember, he is not unreasonable. Before you decide to throw in the towel in the face of my son's unwavering stubbornness, remember that you can reason with him. And it's not weakness to give in to a Wang. You do it to keep your sanity and so they will continue living. Believe me, you will know what I am talking about.

Me: Okay. I trust you, Mama.

And I did. I listened to Mama and trusted her words of wisdoms. And if you, my dear readers, are an avid follower of my journals...you can see the moments when I just gave in to Qing's decisions (stubbornness) and when I stood my ground. It took me years, YEARS!, to perfect it but I think I'm mostly getting it right by now.

It's not really about being weak. It's about keeping my sanity and for Qing to continue breathing. Me giving in is for both our benefits. Because if I won't recognize moments when Qing is not budging from his stand, well, reverse those things I just said above.