SNL 2020

Devil's Advocate pt2

ZhiMing: He lied because his allergy is not mild. It's quite severe. I caught him taking two anti-histamine tablet after sex with me during our early encounters. But we need condoms he said, if we will have sex.

Me: Oh.

ZhiMing: We ditched it some seven months ago.

Me: Okay.

ZhiMing: Is it normal to still rampantly desire someone after being with them for almost a year?

Me: Yes. Qing and I...well...you know...

ZhiMing: No. I don't know. Contrary to what you think, I don't assume about my friends' sex life. I tease about wanting to watch you and Qing go for it but I don't assume you two are quite ravenous for each other still.

Me: Oh we are quite that. Ravenous. For each other.

ZhiMing: Oh well good for you.

Me: You are like that? To him?

ZhiMing: Yes.

Me: Okay. Next.

ZhiMing: (sighing) How long have we been doing this?

Me: (checking the clock) Five straight hours now. So far (checking my list) we still have nothing to show as a reason why French beau cannot stay with you here. You do weekends stay together and you said you look forward to spending time with him.

ZhiMing: (sounding desperate) Give me something, Dayu.

Me: (sighing) Okay. Does he feed Miss Daisy too much?

ZhiMing: (perking up) Aha! He does that.

Me: Does your cat hates it?

ZhiMing: (deflating) No. Miss Daisy likes her treat coming from him. Bad Miss Daisy. He took her to vet too. She doesn't fuss much when she is with him. The vet said Mr.French Guy has a calming aura with him. I think I need to look for another vet for my cat, the one I have now is already halfway in love with my sex buddy.

Me: Oh my God.

ZhiMing: Give me another one.

Me: Okay, does he demand meeting your family?

ZhiMing: No.

Me: Does he asked for you to introduce him to your friends?

ZhiMing: (frowning) No.

Me: Does he force you to talk about deep thoughts and feelings?

ZhiMing: No.

Me: Does he demand anything from you?

ZhiMing: (face hardening) No.

Me: Is that good? That he is not demanding anything from you?

ZhiMing: I don't know.

Me: When will you know?

ZhiMing: (scowling at me) I don't know!

Me: Why are you getting angry?

ZhiMing: I don't know!

Me: What is it that you want anyway? Tell me. The truth this time. What is wrong?

ZhiMing: (shoulders slumping) He hasn't opened up about taking our thing further. He hasn't asked me yet to be his official boyfriend. We have been seeing each other for almost nine months now. That's a relationship, right?

Me: (nodding) Absolutely. Unless you two have an agreement never to take this sleeping together any further than the bedroom.

ZhiMing: (problematic) Why won't he ask to be with me for real? Why won't he demand anything from me?