Cruel Destiny | Kylo Ren

Five's Request

"... He's alive?" His voice trails, as if he is uncertain I speak the truth.

"Yes!" I cry.

I'm so angry I want to clench my hands into tight fists and punch a hole in the window on the other side of the room—sucking us both into the void. I can't believe him, Kylo Ren is so frustrating and bipolar, everyday I don't know whether I will have a lightsaber beneath my chin or have his lips against my own.

"How could you?"

Kylo rolled his eyes and what was once a tension of timid and lust, was now diminished into worthless space. Looking into those eyes, I could see the mechanisms of control... the disapprovals and judgements—the withholding of affection, returning to Kylo Ren once more.

"Well, I thought he was dead."

At those words, my frustration builds and I think I might explode. I take a deep breath. I want to shout, have a tantrum and beat my hands on the ground like a toddler. "Because you left them both there to die! You tried to kill Five and Four, even when you knew how much I cared for them!"

His lips tug, as if he is either trying not to laugh in my face or scream into it.

"I suppose I did know you cared, but that didn't stop me," Kylo's eyes are dark and like my own, his fists clench by his sides, threatening unwanted violence—but I'm not scared of him anymore, for he had proved there's a side of him that won't kill me no matter how hard he tries to scare me with those useless threats... simply because of a stupid, little, kiss.

My blood boils beneath these tears. Just as I was beginning to believe in the light that was emerging from his darkness, he took full advantage, knowing I would believe every word. I defended him in my heart from the critical side of my brain and I had such high hopes—such belief that whatever this cruel destiny provided me, I could make it out in one piece so long as I do my duty.

I think back to him teaching me of the force and agreeing to wait for my willingness, but now it's all twisting and morphing back into a deep, dark hole which had been dug by his lies. Now I'm only left to wonder if Kylo Ren truely never had any good in him in the first place—and that maybe Five was right: Kylo Ren is utterly evil.

"Why would you do that?" I croak, my voice as broken as the rest of me.

I want to vent, let it out and be hurtful, but I don't have the strength.

Kylo has been brought up with a belief that he was superior to everyone else by virtue of his birth. Perhaps, without that he could have been handsome, heroic even, but with one stupid mistake of trying to kill Five, he had ruined his only chance to please the First Order... but then my stomach drops: I would be no different to him if I don't become pregnant—killing Five as Kylo Ren had tried to earlier.

"You just don't get it do you?" He suddenly says, snapping me out of my internal horror.

"Get what, Kylo?" I furrow my brows, ready for the emotional storm his rage will provide... but it never comes. Instead his eyes meet mine, the bronze in the brown, softer and more delicate than I had ever seen before... just like the autumn leaves from home, but somehow they looked more like home than anywhere else, drawing me into their vulnerability.

Stop it—I snap—get a hold of yourself.

There's a suspended moment in the air, as if we are both unwilling to hear the words he next says. He surveys me, his dark eyes flicking to every feature upon my face and his lips slightly trembling as if he is hesitant to speak.

And when he finally does, I almost wish he had just pulled his lightsaber out and struck me off my stand—for his words almost had the power to do so, anyway.