Cruel Destiny | Kylo Ren

Invisible Leash

Waking up is no longer the pleasure it was.

There is a fleeting moment as I come into consciousness, where I still think I am back home and I am whole again for a second, while I think my bedroom drawers will be the first thing my opened eyes will see; but that feeling evaporates faster than summer rain off burnt soil as I am met with only wide windows that are the only barrier to the galaxy beyond.

My eyelids droop back down, leaden with sleep but when my mind catches up, they snap open violently as if I'd been woken by sirens wailing. This wasn't my bedroom; this wasn't home.

I feel an emptiness in my heart, a shear nothingness that somehow, smothers me and threatens to consume me entirely. By the time I am fully awake, my brain has become overwhelmed all over again as if this was all new, fresh and blistering raw.

I wish I could linger in that blissful ignorance of slumber forever more, for I feel the need to wipe away any non-existent tears that I want to form but can't.

Looking around my new bedroom–it was a room with a bed and a table, nothing more. It had no effort put into its comfort and I wondered if that was a metaphor for my welcoming in Kylo Ren's home.

The misery washes over my body like harsh waves crashing onto soft sand. Each wave is icy cold and sends shivers down my spine as I drown on the water which rises like the lump in my throat. Kylo Ren was quite possibly the most discourteous person I had ever met, though in my lifetime I had only met a few people in general. 

I wondered if that was why the First Order had hidden us kids from the rest of the galaxy the moment we were found: to keep us naive–leaving our trust in only their hands.

I glance to a clock that sat on the table beside my new bed and notice it was still early, but I was too awake to now go back to sleep, so I just laid as still as ever and endured the thoughts that bounced around my head as the hours went by.

An un-welcomed friend, boredom, had returned to consume my soul almost entirely–and as more time went on, a new friend arrived to keep boredom company, and I believe he won't be leaving too soon; melancholy was its name.

Melancholy is much different to boredom; he's gut wrenching and painful whilst Boredom is only a complete numbness. This melancholy is a heavy weight in which I simply can't let fall from my shoulders and we don't live together in harmony. Though, I let him sit upon my chest and I hold it so tight I still can't find the warmth or the insensible muffle Boredom provides; but the Melancholy still clings.

There is only one common ground Melancholy and I can both live peacefully among, and it is the agreement that we both crave what I once had: a home. 

I wondered if I would have met my new friend earlier if I could remember what my original home felt like, what a parents love felt like.

Unlike the many warm days that made my old home feel like it bathed in only sunshine and glimmers of gold–my surroundings was now replaced with a thin layer of ice and the galaxy trying to etch through the panes.  Though, the stars which shine amongst the black, showing the beauty of the many hues that weave together with a bright gleam, might possibly be my new favourite sight in the midst of all the murk and trepidation.

Eventually, a light turns on from outside my room, which creeps in in through the creases in the hatch of my door. I don't move but I watch the shadows move from outside; Kylo Ren must be awake.

Although, I had only met him yesterday, I already disliked him. With such hatred and malice that he held towards me, how could I possibly find a friendly bone in his body? He knew he was powerful and wasn't shy to prove it as I recall the way his fingertips danced along his lightsaber with a threat in wielding it. He had laid his words with a powerful punch, but when I could sense what he felt inside, that was even stronger than anything he could've possibly said.