Dually Devoted ✓

Chapter 5

Siddharth was on his planned date, meeting his Dad's friend's- Mr. Naga's- daughter. He didn't know what it was in the woman in front of him that he didn't particularly like. His eyes assessed her for the first time, to find the reason for his disinterest in her.

His father surely had met her before he had asked Sid to. She was fashionable but decent, extremely gorgeous but uniquely shy. Yet he could only show her his set smile the whole time. She did not attract him, did not intrigue him. Of course, marriage was a far off destination. But, he wasn't even considering their next date. That was unlike himself. If the first date did go well, he would think of meeting her again. And if it didn't, he would know why. This time, he had no idea why he wasn't interested in her. Most of the time, he was sitting and imagining if Arpita would ever act this way, how she would have reacted, what she would have liked and how it would be to... simply be with her. Was he interested in her?

"I liked the dessert better," she replied with her head downcast.

"So, you like sweets?" He enquired, out of courtesy.

"Yes, Sid," she nodded a little, her voice soft and low. "I do."

'Yes, Sir.' Arpita's face flashed in front of his eyes. He suppressed a sigh of defeat.

"And, I really enjoyed myself." The woman whispered, blushing scarlet, throwing him a sideway glance.

Not really able to lie with a 'Same here', "Glad to know," he told her, trying to silence his mind.

He couldn't but accept that he was interested in his secretary. Just wow! But he wasn't going to ignore it, for it was the first time that he was interested in a woman. In the past, he had consciously chosen some, wanted to be interested in some. However, to subconsciously think of someone so much, this was a first. He hadn't even considered her as a potential companion of his, and here he was, not able to shake off her thoughts. Strange.

He opened the car door for his date. His nails unconsciously bore into the handle; he had even forgotten this woman's name.

What a Memorable date! He clicked his tongue.

***

Sitting on the couch in her house, somehow, she was missing Arnav more than usual. This huge house, with two spacious bedrooms. Who needed it? She was alone.

As she looked around her own place, which she was to call home... it felt empty of any homely warmth. She kept imagining Arnav's presence, his voice, his actions at every place around her. She was desperately trying to etch his memories in every corner. Because without that, it would never be her home. Because he was her home.

She imagined him commenting on the window's size, complaining to her that the room should have been brighter; she imagined him admiring his work after shifting a chair a few mere centimeters and how she would suppress her laughter at his puffed chest. He was everywhere. Yet, nowhere. The fact that he would have grown into a taller, manlier and oh-so-handsome man, his appearance a blur picture to her, made her shoulders slump.

How would he look?
More importantly, how was he?

Is he okay?
She had asked herself this question a million times. She knew she could only pray and hope that he was safe. She wished that he wouldn't forget how valuable his life and his smile was, to people who were away from him now. That was the only reason why she was trying so hard to live happily too. For she knew that everything that had happened, had happened because he had wished for her happiness. For he may not have been in love with her. But. He loved her immensely. He'd always been a devoted friend. Though he would surely scoff the thought away, she chuckled faintly, tears stinging her eyes.

She picked up the photo of the three of them that she had framed to keep on the side table. Her fingers gently ran over his face, his eyes, his nose and his lips. She exhaled through her mouth, knowing that she longed for him. She missed him beyond limits. But she could do nothing, but live on and think of him. Hoping that he may, someday, return.

Sighing, she was about to place the photo back in its place, when her eyes focused on the three line copper ring that all three of them were posing with. The three lines on the ring were held together by an A in the center. It stood for their own names, but oddly it reminded them of each other.
Arnav. Arpita. Addison.
Keeping the picture frame back on the sidetable, she leaned backwards and closed her eyes.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to let her tears fall free. But she was scared of weeping. Scared that all her sorrow would pour down uncontrollably, burning her strength with every tear... Until only a hollow shell remains of her.

So, she disrupted the maddening silence by starting to speak. Her lips moved without restraint, her eyes still closed, as she began to free her emotions, letting them fly as words. Just like she had been doing for years now.

The image of her Arnav, the one she loved, shone in her eyes, as she started to relay her feelings to him, through the air that they breathed alike.

"Arnav." She called into thin air, her voice desperate, tears pricking her closed eyes. "I miss you. I love you," she declared.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be... how you wanted me to be. I'm sorry. I couldn't think of these feelings as measly." She swallowed her tears.

'Oye, stupid. Grow up.'

"I hear your voice, calling out to me. The voice that comforts me, makes me smile, for it tells me- You exist.
So do the things that remind me of you; they never disappear. Things you loved. Things you hated. Things you didn't want to attach to... You may have left me but your fragrance remains. Asking me not to forget. As if I'd ever want to..."

She heaved a tired sigh. "Every other night when I dream of you, Arnav, I see you at my doorstep. Do you know how many times I've opened that door to emptiness?"

'Why don't you understand? I want you to be happy, you fool.' His angry voice echoed in the air.

She laughed out loud. "In the end, my foolishness did rub off on you... For me, for my happiness, you abandoned everything so foolishly... Not even realising that I would've always been happy with you by my side... But I promise, I will cherish this smile that is so important to you. I will. You're there to help me out, anyway, right? For your absence holds your presence in its own way. In every day. And that. Is what makes me strong, Arnav. These memories make me strong."

His smiling face seemed to be assuring her, telling her that she was indeed being strong, that he was proud of her. A familiar warmth engulfed her. The concern her Arnav had showered on her was more than enough to soothe her heart and strengthen her mind every time she thought of him. Yes, she missed him. But she also felt his presence in her.

Arnav had loved her, cherished her, been there for her and never failed her. It was she, who had failed him then. He had trusted her even after that, deciding to leave, for what he thought, was for her own benefit. Believing that she would live a good life. This time, she had tried her best to not fail him. Just like he had never failed her. "I did endure a loss." She opened her eyes. "But not a failure." She smiled, her eyes determined and merry. "You never failed me, Arnav. And I'm happy. I'm happy, to be yours."