You Hold My Pieces [completed]

Always Be Hurt

Listen to :breaking the law by Emeli Sande

I would rather lie in a grave I've dug on my own than on your bed of lies.
My mind is a slave of my heart
I can never break free from all the chains and shackles of depression
My love for you is the reason I keep walking down the same lonely road that leads to the town built on broken hearts and shattered dreams.
You keep breaking my heart.
My back is scarred from the whip that strikes me down each time I try to get up.
But tell me why I do not know how to fix myself without you.
When will I fully comprehend the reality that I do not mean as much to you as you mean to me?
My mind keeps telling me to run but my heart will not leave you behind
I hate you! I hate that I can not escape from loving you.
Your actions keep insinuating that I have no self respect
But you are the one that sacked that river dry.
Why did you give me false hope?
Why did you build sandcastles in the pouring rain?
Why do I keep digging graves and hope for them to turn into tunnels with a ray of sunshine at the end?
I hope that staying away from you will be the reason I can stay alive
You manoeuvred your way into my life but when the stakes got high you went out through the front door.

I pray that one day I'll hate you enough to forget you.
You told everyone my story but me, now all I can do is hope that one day it turns into ashes
Am I insane to wish that everyone is wrong?
To hope that all this is just a nightmare and I'll wake up in the middle of the night and be okay.
I hope one day you too will drown in the river of grief and shame that you have sunk my soul in.

I was so broken but think how Harry knew where I lived. I cried silently in the back seat feeling too ashamed to make a sound. What hurt me the most was the fact that I knew I could never tell my father the truth. He would take the matter too seriously and it would draw negative attention towards me at school. I already had a lot on my plate. There was no reason to keep fighting an endless war with Jen anymore. Part of me felt like I was fighting for Kyle all this time and he was on my side so why wasn't I satisfied. Sometimes I wished I could just disappear from this place and live in another dimension where people are less toxic. I made up my mind to quit cheer because it wasn't taking me anywhere. I had been defeated way too many times to keep fighting over nothing.

I was awfully quiet at school and at home. My father had tried to get answers out of me but he had failed each time he tried . I never wanted him to worry about me and I knew breaking the story down would hurt him more than keeping quiet. So I smiled while my heart cried. Despite everything in my life going downhill, I was grateful to have more than one person on my side. Both Kyle and Harry were being awfully nice to me and we would sit together during lunch. I felt like we had a genuine connection but nothing could ever compare to the friendship I had shared with Liam. Even though I was fully aware that he was part of the plot against me, I still wanted to talk to him. I wanted to know what was driving him to be like the people we had loathed so much in the past. I just had to find the right time to talk to him when he was not surrounded by so many people. I knew if I tried in front of people I would only be humiliated more.

Miss Roberts asked me to stay behind after gym class. From the look on her face it was clear that she had gotten part of the story if not all of it. I hoped she had not found out because I never wanted to be pitied by one of my teachers. I followed her to her office when everyone was gone and stood at the door waiting for her to speak .

" Please sit down Veronica ", I started panicking internally. Miss Roberts was a straightforward person. You never had to sit down when she called you because she would tell you what she wanted there and then. I sat down slowly keeping my eyes in contact with hers.

" Are you okay? "

" Yes ma'am "

" I'd appreciate it if you did not lie to me. You are my best student Veronica and I'd hate to see you underperforming like you have been doing these past days. "

" It's just that something is going on at home. "

" You do realize that I coach cheer and those girls talk. After you quit I heard what was going on, we'll I'm not sure if it was accurate but I called you here because I do not believe you are that type of person. You need to tell me what's going on because if you don't I'll tell the principal the odd version that I've heard. "

" Please don't ", I sigh defeated trying to figure out where to start. " I want to tell you what's going on, but I was drugged and what I know I was told by someone else. I do not want to believe that's the truth so I can not feed you the story too. If I do remember I'd tell you first but please don't tell anyone else about this especially the principal. "

" I won't but how are you coping with the rumors. "

" It's not the first time, but I'll pull through. "

" If you do not want me to discuss this issue with the principal however you need to rejoin cheer. "

" I can't, you know I can't. Please don't do this to me. "

" It's not my call, the Principal suggested you join in the first place so you have to go back before she starts asking questions. You're a strong girl Veronica, you'll pull through. "

" Alright, I'll try. " I walk out feeling defeated. The worst thing is I had to go for theatre because it was compulsory for seniors to participate in the talent show. I'd have to face everyone and have to go through a full hour of their gossip and whispering. I was grateful to find Harry waiting for me by the door so that we could walk in together. He opened the door for me and we walked in together. People were whispering but I was tired of being afraid. I spotted Kyle and we went on to sit where he was. Of all the days the teacher had to call me on stage today. I dusted myself off before getting up to walk to the stage. As I was walking someone tripped me with a stick . I closed my eyes and I felt myself falling until someone caught me . I opened my eyes and I came face to face with Liam. Part of me wanted to curse at him but the other part wanted to thank him. I did neither but just stood up and walked towards the stage feeling everyone's gaze following me.