Cruel Destiny | Kylo Ren

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"She's nothing to me." His words to General Hux, echo in the back of my mind. They hurt like tiny paper-cuts and feel as cold as they were intended to be. It feels like concrete drying in my chest. I shouldn't be this hurt, but nothing seems to make sense about my feelings towards Kylo Ren.

"Fine..." Kylo hesitated.

This conversation was as dry as the food from the Dining Hall and now I wonder why Kylo had even called if he had no real purpose to.

"That's good–"

"I wanted to apologise." He suddenly cuts me off and each of his shoulders curled in towards his chest as if he was more apologetic that he had to apologise in the first place. There was a lot of things he could be sorry for but that didn't stop the flutter in my heart upon his words.

Kylo Ren was a statue, drilled down with a sense of being completely exposed and on display. Each of his gloved fingers were laced together with one another, holding himself together amidst his fragility. I can't stop him there though, I don't want to. I push harder, dig deeper and get what I want.

"Apologise for what?" I question as if I didn't understand what he was talking about.

I want the man within the cruel 'Kylo Ren' to come back and stay a little longer than those little glimpses I only get.

Even in the midst of pale blue, I can still see the way his breath hitches and the way his Adam's apple bobs when he swallows his... nerves?

"... For the other day in the Training Centre. You did so well when you moved that boot and I just want to apologise on behalf of General Hux ruining that moment for you," He pauses.

General Hux has ruined more than just a little moment, my mind curses.

"–And for the things I said..." He began, but didn't finish as if he wasn't actually sorry for anything, "I don't want to push you any further than you already are from me... if I wish to fulfil the duty given by the First Order." Kylo finishes delicately, as if he says it lightly I won't actually hear the ending.

At first, my whole body nearly goes weak. He doesn't wish to push me any further and yet here I am, fighting every urge within to open my hands and loving heart for they are inviting his savage soul. At those words I want him to physically be here to touch me with those rough fingers—but when he mentions it is only for the benefit of the First Order, I am grounded once again.

He doesn't care the slightest for my heart or soul like I long for the chance of good within his own. He only cares to please my enemy, to get me comfortable enough to spread my legs and give him a successor for the First Order.

"Is that all I will ever mean to you?" My voice cracks with a withdrawn volume, "A mere duty... a requirement you must complete for your Order?"

All at once my mind is screaming at my heart for getting too attached at the expense of nothing. Kylo Ren will never give me what I want, and deep down I knew this, but my heart still tries to mimic the beating of his own that it once bled into, that day in the Training Centre.

Kylo Ren's face suddenly contorts into something I hadn't seen of him yet: confusion. With those thick eyebrows etching together slightly and his mouth parting to my words. I saw the shock register on his perfect features before he could hide it.

"No." He retorts, but I didn't believe him.

"Yes you do!" I contest, twining my hands into the fabric at my sides tightly. "That's all anyone has ever thought of me since the First Order had got there hands on me. General Hux might just be right, for I suppose I am merely just your prostitute... you are no different."