Fight For Him (discontinued)

ashamed

trigger warning
3rd pov (i think)
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eddie was starting to feel nervous as he waited. he rolled up his sleeves and looked down at his arms. He took off the bandages, he saw new scars, faint old scars, some stitches. he didn't want to mess up his stitches knowing his friends could look at them. he had to think of a different way.

he thought for a minute before remembering what he used to do. he closed he fists and felt his nails leave marks on his hands. he didn't have to press to hard since his skin was fragile. but they didn't bleed much, yet he could still feel the pain. which is what he wanted.

he weirdly didn't feel hungry either, which didn't matter. his friends were probably going to make him eat. its fine, he would just simply throw it up. after thinking about it for a while he didn't want to see his friends. of course he loved them, but they would just pity him and not let him out of their sight. he didn't want to see them because he felt ashamed. he felt ashamed to be in the same room as them. he thought they wouldn't want to be his friend. that they would judge him and leave him.

he wanted to feel pain so bad, so he closed his fists and let his nails sink in. he tried to think of happy thoughts but couldn't. he just sat there and cried hoping they would cancel and not come.

of course right has he thought that he heard bikes coming to a stop and knocking at his door. he quickly wiped his tears away and went to answer the door. he hoped maybe when he answered richie would run up to hug him. so with that thought, he opened the door. the first person to come running was stan. he held eddie in his arms and asked him if he was okay.

"im fine stan." he hugged back and opened his eyes to look at the losers. he made eye contact with everyone except richie, he purposely didn't look at him not wanting to see the disappointment.

stan and eddie pulled away and stan wiped a couple tears off his face and looked down at eddie. he brought his hand up and wiped the tears off eddies face.

"hey eddie where are your bandages?" mike asked as everyone looked down at his arms. he crossed his arms feeling self conscious about them.

"they felt weird so i took them off," he said as he looked at the ground.

"did you do anything.." stan trailed off looking at eddie.

"no stan i didnt," eddie looked up at stan.

"can i see?" he asked wanting to make sure he wasnt lying. eddie just looked up hoping he would change his mind. after a minute he realized stan wasnt going to so he just nodded his head. stan took eddies arms in his hands and looked down at them. he looked and made sure all the stitches were still there and that there was no blood. he gently put his arms down and spoke.

"lets go watch a movie yeah?" they all just nodded and walked to the living room.

"i cant believe your mom would leave you alone," bill said and looked around.

"its fine, im used to her not caring" he simply said and shrugged. everyone just gave each other sad looks and it made eddie mad. he tried to talk as calmly as he could. "can you guys stop givng each other sad looks? im right here and im fine. i dont need your guys' pity or anything. if im fine then im fine. just leave it at that." he spoke while everyone looked a little shocked.