flatline [m.s]

clxxxiii.

- - -
there's a saying we hear a lot around hospitals that goes like this: 'pain is inevitable. suffering is optional'. but i doubt the person who coined it ever went through major surgery.
- - -

megan is lying in the i.c.u with owen stood on one side of her and evelyn on the other when her eyes flutter open before selling up with tears.

"it didn't work," megan's lip quivers as she begins to sob. "it didn't work."

- - -
or maybe they didn't mean physical pain. maybe they meant the other kind, the worse kind. maybe they meant the kind of searing, seething, boiling pain that tells you you're a failure and a fraud.
- - -

richard is stood outside of the attending lounge, his ear pressed up against the closed door, listening to the loud bangs and crashes, followed by shattering glass.

"is lia in there?" maggie asks, walking up to him.

"yes," richard nods and they both flinch slightly as more glass shatters.

"i'm gonna go talk to her," maggie announces.

"uh... not a good idea, alright?" richard shakes his head. "okay, right now she looks and sounds just like ellis. okay? i mean, best we just lay low, let her work this out herself. believe me. i had to learn it the hard way."

"with ellis?" maggie raises her brow.

"both of them," richard tells her.

"i think we should go in," maggie suggests, before stepping around richard to open the door where they find lia pushing everything of the counters, letting it clatter to the floor.

she breathes heavily as she turns around and notices the two of them standing there, offering looks of concern.

"well, i hope you don't want any coffee, 'cause i broke all the mugs," lia sighs before brushing past them and walking out.

■ ■ ■

"you sent the kids to daycare and went back to bed?" derek asks lia as he stands at the foot of her bed whilst lia picks at the paint above her headboard, and maggie sits next to her, drinking coffee.

"don't judge me," lia snaps at the same time meredith turns to him and says, "don't judge her."

"i'm not," derek hold his hands up as he takes a seat on the edge of her bed. "look, she'll heal, right? eventually, the wound will close."

"it'll close," meredith confirms.

"yeah, it'll be ugly and painful. probably worse than it was before," lia continues pulling at the paintwork. "and it'll take months to heal. she won't be able to travel."

"but it will close," meredith assures her. "you'll use mesh, and it'll take time, but it will close. and now she has a functioning bowel, which she-"

"stop!" lia cuts her off.

"you mad at yourself?" derek raises his brow. "think you were wrong to try?"

"yeah, i'm mad at myself," lia exhales deeply. "i was overconfident. i'm not even a general surgeon. my dad was right. and i'm also mad at medicine."