flatline [m.s]

xxvii.

- - -
there's this thing about being a surgeon. maybe it's pride or maybe it's just about being tough. but a true surgeon never admits they need help, unless absolutely necessary. surgeons don't need to ask for help because they are tougher than that.
- - -

"i don't know how i can help you," callie shrugs as she and mark are sat in mark's car. "you just need to leave her alone."

"i've been trying to leave her alone," mark shakes his head. "i don't want to leave her alone. i love her."

"you what?" callie gasps, looking at mark.

"i love her," he repeats. "i've always loved her. even before she said it to me; i loved her."

"mark..." callie says in shock. "she gave you chance after chance to tell her that you loved her, but you didn't and each time it broke her."

"i know," he shakes his head. "i don't know why i couldn't tell her. i wanted to, i really did, but every time i went to, i froze. and now she doesn't love me, and she's all dark and twisty like cristina and meredith."

"dark and twisty?" she raises her brow. "she's not dark and twisty. and she still loves you. she's never stopped loving you."

"she slept with karev," he reminds her. "and she told me she doesn't love me anymore. on her birthday, i asked her if she loved me and she said no."

"she slept with karev because she was hurt that you'd slept with the entire hospital," callie points out. "and she told you she didn't love love you, because she loves you so much that she didn't want you to feel guilty for not loving her back."

"but i do love her back," he groans.

"it's not me you need to tell," callie says softly.

"i know," he sighs.

"you know she's the one who helped meredith with the house of candles, right?" callie asks and mark looks shocked. "she's not dark and twisty. she still believes in love. she still has hope."

- - -
surgeons are cowboys, rough around the edges, hard core at least that's what they want you to think. deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. but being hardcore isn't just about being tough. it's about acceptance.
- - -

"stupid, corny, idiotic," mark mumbles to himself as he paces up and down callie's living room that was now covered in candles and rose petals. "i cannot believe i did this. stupid loser. son of a- i could be at home instead of- stupid heart woman."

"callie?" lia calls, as she opens the door before she notices mark stood there. "you're not callie."

"where have you been?" he asks. "i've been waiting for you, and i did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing and i was going to tell you that i love you and that i always have but i'm broken and damaged so i don't know what love is supposed to look like so in the past i've told people i love them when i've not meant it, and then the one time i'm actually in love i can't bring myself to say it. and now i'm here feeling like a lame-ass loser. i got all whole and healed, and you don't show up. it's ruined because you took so long."

"you love me?" she asks, her lips parted slightly in shock.

she walks across the room so that she's stood in front of mark. she then grabs his shirt to pull him to her for a kiss.

"i love you," he confirms, as they pull away from the kiss.

"i love you too," she smiles. "i never stopped loving you."

"neither did i," he tells her, kissing her again.

- - -
sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. you don't have to be tough every minute of every day. it's okay to let down your guard. in fact there are moments when it's the best thing you can possibly do as long as you choose your moments wisely.
- - -

"i can't believe you cooked," lia gushes as mark plates up their food and places it down on callie's kitchen island.

"well, i've was never able to when we were together before because my hotel room is hardly equipped for fine cuisine," he teases, and she chuckles as he takes a seat across from her. "so i thought we might as well make the most of torres' kitchen."

"where is callie, anyway?" lia says, before eating a mouthful of pasta.

"i asked for her help to get you back," he reveals. "and she pointed out that you live with the chief, and that if i asked you to meet me at my hotel room, you'd probably say no. so she offered her apartment, and said she'd ask you to come over. once we finished setting up, she went to robbins'."

"is she coming back tonight?"

"no," mark smirks, suggestively. "so we're all alone..."

"nice try," lia chuckles. "we started with sex, and look how it ended. we're going to take it slow."

- - -
there's a clarity thing when you cross over the edge. there's a moment when everything just melts away and you're fearless. it goes away. the feeling. that feeling that you have right now... today... that feeling like you can do anything.
- - -

"if we're going to do this... again," lia says, looking at mark. "we can't keep sneaking around. we've got to tell people."

"okay," he nods.

"and you need to start with derek."

- - -
that clarity... it goes away. and you go right back to being the coward who can't tell the person you love how you feel.
- - -