flatline [m.s]

cxii.

- - -
everybody wants privacy for themselves. for other people, not so much.
- - -

"i remember my mom telling me once that when we die, we go to heaven," nicole tells lia as they are both lying, side by side, on the grass, staring up at the clouds in the sky above them. "i couldn't picture it. all i could imagine was what we see in cartoons- little people in robes with wings, sitting on clouds. but nobody really knows what's up there, do they?"

"when i was a kid, i used to think that we were like dandelions- like, the part that makes us us would just blow away and land and grow into-" lia begins telling nicole.

"i don't want to be buried, by the way," nicole informs her, cutting her off. "have me cremated."

"w- excuse me?" lia turns her head to the left so that she's looking at nicole.

"if i survive the surgery, but don't wake up, give me five days- a week, tops- then pull the plug," nicole continues to leave instructions, and lia turns her head back so that she's looking up at the clouds again.

"this is- we don't need to be talking about this," lia shakes her head.

"if i do wake up but i'm dependent on vents or tubes, pull the plug then, too," nicole ignores lia's protests.

"y- you know what? you're not- you're not dying," lia insists. "you're not gonna wake up gorked. shepherd knows what she's doing. she does."

"okay. sure," nicole nods, unconvinced.

"she does!" lia repeats more forcefully.

"i heard you," nicole tells her, and lia sighs as they continue to both look up at the clouds. the only sound that can be heard is the sound of the fluttering wings of  birds. "that bird's gonna poop on up."

"oh..." lia winces.

"what's next today?" nicole turns to look at her fellow.

"glenda castillo."

■ ■ ■

"i'm so glad you brought me back in," glenda smiles as nicole gives her an ultrasound whilst lia stands behind her, reviewing the patient file. bailey is stood at the foot of the bed.

"have a look," nicole instructs lia who looks up from the chart and steps forward slightly.

"well, the teratoma has grown," lia observes. "it's showing early sighs of hydrops."

"is everything okay?" glenda looks away from the monitor and to the two surgeons.

"glenda, your baby is retaining fluid, which is starting to affect his heart," nicole explains. "i'm recommending we do the surgery tonight."

"tonight?" glenda shakes her head as nicole finishes up her ultrasound. "no, that's way too soon."

"the tumour is creating pressure on your placenta," nicole continues. "it's not only endangering the baby, but now it's putting you at risk."

"but my baby wouldn't survive, would he, if you suddenly had to deliver?" glenda protests. "'cause i'm only twenty four weeks along, and i- i know that it would help him if he had time to grow, right? if i could just hold on for a few more weeks..."

"it's not what's best for you," nicole gently tells her.

"i don't care about me," glenda grows frantic.

"glenda, if dr. herman thinks that-" dr. bailey places a hand on the bottom of glenda's leg.

"no, my husband is dead," glenda cuts her off, her voice beginning to break. "but this baby that is inside of me, this baby is ours, i cannot risk his life. i won't. so, if there is a choice between helping me or helping my baby, i choose my baby."

■ ■ ■

"what does she think we're trying to do here? i'm not negotiating with a patient. i am the doctor. i'm gonna tell her when we're go-" nicole shouts once they have left the exam room, but she cuts herself off when she notices lia is laughing. she then looks at lia and raises her brow.

"i'm sorry," lia says before looking down at her shoes so that nicole can't see that she's still fighting her laughter, unsuccessfully.

"webber, what the hell?" nicole snaps, as lia continues to laugh.

"what's funny about this?" bailey chuckles.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry. it's just- it's just- it's funny listening to you get so bent out of shape when this is the exact same thing that you've been doing to amelia shepherd ever since she offered to save your life," lia explains, turning to bailey, briefly. "i mean, she has. exactly. 'we'll do the surgery when i'm ready'. and it's so frustrating. it's torture, and it drives us crazy. so, it's just fun to watch it happen to you. it's like divine justice. pretend that i'm not here. keep going."

"i will give ms. castillo an extra week, but i want her admitted," nicole tells bailey, pushing her hands into her pockets. "and if she so much as hiccups funny, i'm taking her to surgery."

"j- understood," bailey nods, turning to walk away before stopping herself and turning back. "hey, thank you for taking her case."

bailey then walks away to head back to the exam room, in order to admit glenda. lia begins to chuckle again as she looks down at her feet.

"oh, shut up," nicole rolls her eyes with a smile and lia chuckles again.

■ ■ ■

"so, you know because it's jackson's night with darci, and you love me?" lia pouts her lips as she slides across the nurses station mark is leaning on, until she bumps his shoulder.

"yes?" mark raises his brow suspiciously, as he turns to look at his girlfriend.

"i was thinking of maybe staying here tonight, with herman?" lia says quickly and hopefully, her voice raising an octave as she does so.

"sure, i'm not your dad," mark shrugs with a chuckle.

"i love you," lia stretches up onto her toes, leaning in to kiss him. "you're the best boyfriend ever."

"have fun," mark tells her, bending down slightly to kiss her again before he pulls away and leaves the nurses station.

■ ■ ■

"i can't..." lia laughs, shakes her her head as nicole pours more vodka into both of their cups. they are both sat in nicole's office that she had recently moved into. "holy- oh."

lia and nicole both continue drinking and laughing as they both put their feet up on the couches they are currently sat on.

- - -
we have to keep something to ourselves, or else anyone can get to us. they'll see the stuff we don't show anyone.
- - -

nicole laughs as she holds the plastic cover, used to cover her head and shoulders during her radiation treatment, over a bunsen burner that she and lia have set up in the skills lab.

lia smiles as she looks at nicole before turning back to look down at the currently melting cover. the plastic is singed in the middle, and a hole has formed.

- - -
so we build the walls high and wide, and we lock the gates.
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