flatline [m.s]

lxii.

- - -
every surgeon i know, has a shadow. a dark cloud of fear and doubt, that follows even the best of us into the o.r. we pretend the shadow isn't there. hoping that if we save more lives, master harder techniques, run faster and farther, it'll get tired and give up the chase.
- - -

"good morning, and, uh, welcome to your final year of residency," april nervously says to the whole cafeteria, who are chatting away to themselves and not paying any attention to her. "um... this- this breakfast is the one time when all the fifth years and the attendings will be in the same room, so- so use your time wisely, residents... find a mentor... ask questions, get advice on your futures. and, um, i see you're already chatting away, so that's... that's good. just carry on."

"did he talk to you?" cristina asks meredith as she approaches her whilst she's grabbing some breakfast.

"no, he won't even look at me," meredith says, folding her arms across her chest.

"well... you tampered with his clinical trial," cristina reminds her. "he thinks that's kind of unforgivable."

"it was for adele, and lia, and the chief-" meredith rolls her eyes, but is cut off by cristina.

"you know, i know you- you regret that you messed up his trial, but not what you did, i know," cristina nods. "you don't have to defend yourself to me."

"i just don't understand," meredith sighs. "no one cares more about lia than derek... except maybe jackson... and probably mark. but, i mean, he loves her more than any of his actual sisters. why is me doing this for her and for richard so unforgivable to him?"

"i just think he feels betrayed," cristina explains as richard enters the cafeteria.

"oh! look here's the chief!" april beams upon his arrival, and all the talking dies down. "chief, is there, uh, anything you'd like to say as we embark on our final year of residency?"

"you all know what you're doing," richard says after a long pause. "just don't kill anyone. uh, meredith, can i see you in my office?"

"well, that w- that was very... inspirational," april nervously laughs as richard walks away, but the conversation has already picked back up and no one is paying attention. "thank you, chief."

■ ■ ■

"derek's refusing to work with me, isn't he?" meredith asks as she's sat across from richard in his office.

"the board met this morning. they feel that a suspension would send the wrong message. they feel that what you did disgraced the hospital... the profession," he explains. "i'm sorry, i- i did everything i could."

"so, what are you saying?" meredith asks, growing concerned.

"you're fired, effective immediately. you're no longer a doctor at seattle grace."

■ ■ ■

following reports of a sinkhole trauma, the doctors are stood at the ambulance bay, wearing yellow trauma gowns.

"we're going to an on-site amputation. a woman is trapped under her car," owen explains as he walks through the crowd of doctors, followed by callie. "you guys are gonna get swamped with bodies. kepner, you're in charge 'til i get back."