flatline [m.s]

clxxv.

"what happened?" lia asks as the other doctors murmur amongst themselves.

"a woman drove off a bridge with her two kids in the car," owen sighs. "witnesses are saying that the woman started speeding, she rammed a bunch of vehicles, and then took a sharp right off the bridge. i- into the water. police believe this was intentional."

"oh, my god," steph gasps.

"with her kids?" callie's brow furrows.

"let's cooperate with the police and do our jobs, okay?" owen instructs, and the doctors begin to disperse.

"god, is she one of those crazy moms who tries to drown her kids?" callie asks as she ties lia's trauma gown for her.

"maybe she needed a nanny," lia sighs.

■ ■ ■

lia is coming out of a long surgery when lynn notices her walking by the consult room that she was waiting for her in.

"dr. webber? i'm still here," lynn calls, and lia turns to face her, but furrows her brow. "lynn- the nanny?"

"oh! lynn!" lia throws her hands up when it clicks and she remembers. "i'm sorry. you're still here?"

"i am," lynn chuckles, and lia groans as she steps inside the consult room with her. "it's fine. uh, now, tell me what it is you're needing."

"uh, i, um... i need, uh, help with the kids, obviously," lia stammers, taking a seat.

"more specifically..?" lynn presses.

"uh, i need... support. my life and my work is very unpredictable. and i need someone who understands that and who can be there when i can't and who understands that if i can't be there, it's because i must be where i am. and i need someone who believes in that and who supports that," lia's voice begins to break. "i need a person... who is in it with me... and who believes in that. and i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i know... i seem like i'm crazy. and i'm- i'm really not. but... i've just had this day."

"no, no, no," lynn soothes, placing a hand on her arm as she stands back up, before she pulls her in and hugs her. "it's okay."

- - -
it might be our bodies reminding us of what we've endured and warning us not to let it happen again. trauma doesn't tell time.
- - -

"thank you," lia smiles as she and lynn leave the consult room. she shakes her hand before they walk away in opposite directions.

"who's that?" jackson asks lia, beginning to walk alongside her.

"oh, that's lynn- my new nanny," lia informs him.

"you've got a nanny?" jackson furrows his brow.

"mm-hmm," lia nods. "mark's in la."

"wait- what?" jackson furrows his brow.

"it's my fault. i told him to go," lia shrugs. "but i can't work and look after the kids alone."

"you don't need a nanny. and you're not alone," jackson shakes his head. "you have me. i'm darci's dad, remember?"

"i know, but..." lia sighs. "i still have lily and... you know, two is more than twice the work."

"it doesn't matter. i told you i'm here for you," he assures her. "whether it's darci or lily. you can call me whenever you need help, and if i can, i will."

- - -
it can't tell if we're eight or forty-one, if our kids have the chicken pox or if we have the biggest surgeries of our lives to perform. and when it sneaks up on us, it's easy to think we're right back at square one.
- - -

lia enters her bedroom, and gently throws herself down, so that she's lying across the bed when she pulls her phone out of her pocket and dials mark's number.

"are you there?" she asks when he picks up the phone.

"uh, no," mark tells her, still at the airport. "i'm about to, um... lia?"

"i don't want to fight anymore," lia tells him.

"oh, i don't either," mark sighs.

"and i don't want you gone," lia admits. "i know that i told you to go, but... i mean... this isn't us. this isn't how we end, is it?"

"i don't want it to," mark exhales sharply. "i'm trying."

"i'm trying, too," lia breathes.

"listen, my flight's been delayed all day. i'm still at the airport. i can come home," mark informs her, stopping just as he's about the board the plane. "do i come home?"

"no. no, go," lia says after a few moments.

"lia," mark's brow furrows.

"you know, in- in- in a good way," lia assures. "go. and do what you have to do. we can do this. people do this."

"people do, yes," mark smiles.

"okay," lia nods. "so, go and do what you have to do and we will figure this out. you deserve this opportunity."

"we can do this," mark says.

"we can do this," lia confirms.

"okay," mark nods.

"okay," lia exhales deeply. "call me when you land. and, mark?"

"yes?" he asks.

"i'm going to miss you," lia tells him.

"this can work," he screws his eyes shut. "we will make this work. we will."

"are you still there?" lia's brow furrows as static is the only sound that can be heard over the line.

"lia? li-" mark groans when he realises the signal is dropping. "lia? lia, i'm losing you."

"mark?" lia asks, but all she can hear is the static droning before her phone beeps and cuts off the call.

- - -
but the truth is, even when our brain convinces us we're lost, if we try hard enough, our bodies always remind us there's a way back. and prepares us for whatever fight lies ahead.
- - -