His Bitter Cupcake

Chapter thirty nine

It took me a month to get things right on track.

I know it's a long time but it was absolutely worth it. I have never felt so proud and alive of myself after everything I did in these past weeks.

I started with my job first. I applied for a long... very long leave. Jessica started rambling about how important taking a leave is and how well she can manage in my absence. I know she can handle everything, but I never told her for how long I'll be gone. The firm accepted my leave and said that they'll always be ready to take me in whenever I come back from my leave. Till then they would have my 'temporary' replacement.

Few of my clients agreed with my sudden decision while some didn't, but I did tell them that there will be a replacement who had enough experience with me and can easily handle all my pending cases.

When they asked who, I said the name of the only person I could ever think of.

They agreed in an instant.

Second, I removed the kitchen door along with my study room's door. Obviously I didn't do it, so I called a carpenter and told him to remove it. I did more grocery shopping, more cooking, more eating and more sleeping.

I tore off the list I had made for myself and my baby and made a new one with many more goals.

My days were busy with my work, but during the weekends, I explored my neighborhood which is something I never did. I learnt that my neighbour is actually an army wife who gave birth to a boy a few months ago and her husband is currently posted in Sudan. The boy was too adorable and kept rolling in his crib.

I remember Evan saying this to me and I remember how easily I ignored it.

In the mornings, I would fight my morning sickness and at nights I would fight my nightmares. They are hell. It never stops scaring me. I now know that they mean nothing but somehow they do scare me. I focused on completing my impending work and cases and that's when I did the craziest thing.

I sold the house. Ha.

I sold that house which had so many broken memories, tears and my screams that I have lost count of. Sure it had given me some new memories with someone else, but I didn't want to stay there anymore.

Not when there's nobody living with me anymore.

It got sold quicker than I had actually imagined. I guess it had a nice demand. I know that my parents have heard about this because the property was mine, but my father had initially bought it in my name because I was too distraught to even think about anything else at that time.

Yet I haven't heard from them.

Instead I bought a four bedroom apartment with an open kitchen, which was only a few blocks away from my office. It has a nice view of a park where I could see people walking and children playing.

I felt at peace when I first saw it so I bought it.

It was difficult, too difficult for me to pack up everything and leave again knowing that I won't be opening a specific box anytime soon. At least I won't try to.

I cried when I kept those photographs and ultrasounds inside the box and cried more when I taped it.

Then I went to the kitchen to eat some eggs.

And cried again when I saw that I ran out of eggs.

So I guess things have been going fine. I'm trying or at least I'm trying to try.

Trying to make some time for myself, for ourselves first before I leave.

Believe it or not, I went to a beauty shop and that's something I had always loathed, even before everything went downhill. Cut my hair back to shoulder length, just like it was during the wedding and added a few highlights.