His Bitter Cupcake

Chapter thirty five

It is said that an average human takes about 21 days to get rid of a habit.

But it also takes 21 days to get into a habit. Maybe.

So that's what I did. I got rid of every habit I had established in these past months. First, I started with my work. I would keep repeating Jessica's name in my mind before I would press the buzzer and order her to get something. Sometimes, I would call her Fiona, but then I would also quickly correct myself.

Second, my breakfast. It was somehow difficult to stop pulling out a chair for someone and separate boxes. It took me days to get rid of that habit. It also included leaving the main door open for him.

Third, I stopped working in my study. It was due to a very weird reason. It all started back in the first week without somebody living in my house. I was working in my study, but I was also getting distracted. Distracted by what? I was getting distracted by the door. My eyes would keep falling at the door and I would keep waiting.

Waiting for Evan to knock and then sit in front of me.

This is not right.

The wait was getting too much for me so I stopped working in my study and would try to spend my weekends in my room or in my office.

Fourth, the boxes he kept on my doorstep. I had to keep saying to myself that there is no box of cookies lying on my doorstep, but still I would get up from my bed and check outside.

I had to get rid of all these things and I have gotten rid of all these things in 21 days.

But sometimes, only sometimes, not all the time, I find myself staring at a certain door. The door of the room which Evan used. I would sit on the couch with my laptop and keep staring.

Something is very, very wrong with me.

All these things were done when the sun was out but when the nights kicked in, things happened to me.

I wake up in the middle of the night, all sweaty and gasping for air. I have been getting the exact same dream every night. I get inside a car, reach a signal and a loud horn of truck wakes me up.

That has actually happened to me but there's a twist. Instead of seeing Thomas driving the car, I see Evan and it scares me.

A lot.

It scares me so much that I think I'm going crazy. I even stopped taking my meds and antidepressants because the sight of them disgusts me now.

This has also started taking a negative toll on me.

I look myself in the mirror and see those dark circles under my eyes. My cheeks are getting hollower again and I look weak. I have just finished hurling in the bathroom. Things have gotten much worse since the past week. I wake up feeling all nauseous and run to the bathroom then stare at myself in the mirror, thinking how long will I have to suffer these nightmares.

I can't sleep properly due to which I can't eat properly because I feel nauseous at the smell of food and I can't even think straight anymore.

I am also officially back to my regular routine I had before that blasted wedding took place. Today, I'll be going back to preschool to read stories in a room full of little people.

I haven't had any sort of contact with my parents and my therapist.

And I am actually grateful for it.

My parents didn't even pull an effort to find Amelia after Fiona informed them about her, so there was no point even seeing their faces and I don't know where my therapist is.