Trial of the Times

Chapter 20 - Revelations

"No," answers Dooku quietly, "He stopped fighting. He gave up. I could see it in his eyes. He was not himself. A more ruthless Sith than I would have jumped at the chance to exploit him. He would have done anything I wanted him to if I had only tried."

He suddenly feels numb, unable to accept Dooku's words. How is that even possible? Anakin has always been a fighter. He never gives up. It's not – no, Dooku can't possibly be telling the truth. Nothing he saw in Anakin hinted that he'd been broken. Or maybe he just hadn't look hard enough?

The memory of Vader's cold yellow eyes drifts back to his mind. Anakin would never let himself get that close to the Dark Side out of his own free will. Then, how did he get there? Even though he doesn't want to admit the truth, Obi-Wan has a good grasp on what happened. He couldn't let go of his anger and pain, and they pushed him to the edge.

He suppresses a sigh. It's his fault. He was never the right master for Anakin. He couldn't teach him about avoiding attachments like that, especially not when he shares that fault. The only difference between them is that Obi-Wan can let people go if he must, hard though it may be.

"You don't believe me," states the Count, studying him, "Not really, but I can prove it. I can show you some memories through the Force."

Obi-Wan stares at him, realizing that would mean joining in a meditative trance. Does he really want that? It would give him an opportunity to see what Anakin experienced. Knowing that fact, he's made up his mind before even considering it.

He nods firmly, "Show me."

"Very well," replies Dooku, sitting down in a meditative position on the floor. Obi-Wan seats himself opposite him, the thought briefly crossing his mind of how strange this is. A Jedi Master and Sith Lord meditating together. In any other situation, he probably would have laughed.

Soon, Obi-Wan can feel Dooku reaching for him through the Force, and he accepts. He's guided into Dooku's mind and spirals into memories.

***

Obi-Wan finds himself watching as Dooku informs Anakin that he discovered Hardeen's real identity from a secret commlink he hadn't realized had existed. Being so attuned to Anakin's emotions, he can practically feel his denial and heartbreak before he runs from the room.

The scene shifts slightly, and he sees when Dooku goes to tell Anakin they need to leave. A sharp pain lances through him when he sees Anakin's face for the first time. Instead of the bright blue he's used to, Anakin's eyes are a tormented gray, and he can see his tears.

It hurts. It really hurts. Anakin's pain has always affected him more than he'd thought it should, but now, he's not sure it was wrong. If what Anakin explained about love is right, then there's nothing improper about caring for him deeply. Now he understands why Anakin lost control of himself that night. He was already so close to falling, just barely holding on, and his anger against Sidious pushed him over the edge.

Obi-Wan finds himself somewhere else. "You don't know what it's like," Anakin is yelling, resentment and pain coloring his tone, "How can you just expect me to forget?" He's glaring at Dooku, standing inside what appears to be his bedroom.

"Calm yourself, Skywalker," snaps Dooku, ice in his voice, "You can't live like this. You can't just stay in here, locking yourself away from the world. It's not going to change what happened!"

"And maybe I don't want to live at all," hisses Anakin, turning his back on him.

"You don't mean that," Dooku replies quietly yet firmly.

Obi-Wan can't see Anakin's expression, but the tension never fades from his body, a clear indication that he meant exactly what he said. "Go away. Just go away, and leave me alone, Dooku," he responds lowly. His voice contains a darkness Obi-Wan has never heard in him mixed with something akin to despair.

That's when Obi-Wan realizes that Dooku was right. Anakin had given up; he seemed to have decided that there was nothing left to fight for. Somehow, Obi-Wan intends to repair their relationship. He won't let Anakin go. He loves him too much to do that. I'll make it up to you, my brother, I promise.

He senses Dooku pulling away from him, so he slips out from the meditative trance back to the present. When he opens his eyes, he sees the Count regarding him with his piercing blue eyes. "Outbursts from Skywalker like that were not at all uncommon," he comments.

Yes. Obi-Wan had guessed as much, but that one was clearly the worst since Dooku had showed him. Still, he refuses to show how shaken he is from the revelations. He needs to meditate on it somewhat, and probably have another talk with Anakin. After Anakin let out all his emotions, he didn't seem nearly as troubled, which is probably why Obi-Wan hadn't noticed exactly how much his brother had been affected.

It really is true. He did break Anakin, albeit unintentionally. He can help his brother heal. He knows he can, but it will take time. And he'll have to show his unflagging support until that time. Since Sidious wants to turn Anakin, Obi-Wan intends to do everything in his power to block that, even if it means resorting to un-Jedi methods. When faced with the question of his brother's soul or the teachings of the Jedi Order, he already knows what he would choose. If the Order can't save Anakin, then Obi-Wan doesn't think he should be obligated to follow their ideologies.