The story of Cheryl Blossom

Chapter 14

In this chapter will be talked about anxiety. In this chapter I would like to try to explain to the people who don't know, how it is to have an anxiety attack and what the person goes through. I will not go into much detail but I will try my best to explain it. This is something that I wanted to do for a longer time because I feel like that people who don't really know about it, don't know how much this affects a person. Every person can be differently affected be this and I will use the way I feel when I get my anxiety attack, because I have been struggling with it for a couple of years.
So if this is something you are not comfortable reading please skip it, I can totally understand why, and I promise that soon the chapters will be a little getting a little happier again.

Cheryl's POV

It always seemed to creep up on you when you least expected it and at the worst times. This awful feeling take over your body and mind. Your hands start trembling and you feel like your knees were going to give out underneath you at any moment. The nauseous feeling is creeping up your throat and your heart is racing so fast you fear it will burst out of your chest. Every time you try to swallow your fear and put on a fake face for the people around you, some see Right through some can be tricked by it. Toni and Nana Rose always saw right through it. Nana Rose always hold me close and just keeps ressuring me that everything is okay. And Toni always takes my hands in hers, and she grips my hand more tightly in hers to show me that she is there for me. Most times she will take me into a room were all those things which made me so anxious are gone. It helps but looking in her which sparkle with pure love and at the same time are filled with concern is hard. You feel like you failed the person who is always there for you.

It's no different right now. I was pacing around the living room floor back and forth as I tugged on my hair. My last to lessons were canceled because my teachers are sick. But sadly Toni still had her lessons. I wanted to stay in school and wait for her, but she wanted me to go home and relax because she knows that I haven't been sleeping the best. She made me promise that I would go home and try to relax a little. And I really tried. As soon as I came home I went to our room and laid down. I tried to sleep or at least relax a little. But I just couldn't. My mind was racing. I was worried about Toni even though I don't have to because no one would hurt her. But my mind just keeps reminding me about the situation with Heather in school. And I am worried that something will happen while I am not around. That someone would want to try to hurt her.

So I left our bedroom and went downstairs to watch a movie or something. But I couldn't sit still. So I started to walk around, to try to distract my mind. But nothing was working. Nothing was freaking working. I even wrote Toni, but she won't answer me until her classes are over. So that doesn't really help. Then when I feel like I finally go myself to calm down, something always gets it started again. And then it is even worse than before. My hands start shaking even more, my breathing gets faster, heart beating fast. Sometimes even tears start to well up in my eyes. And normally when this stated is reached I can't control my anxiety. All I can do is either keep walking, sit down or lay down in my bed and wait for it to be over. For me there are different types of my anxiety attacks. I have some that are over fast and I can hide those most of the time without anyone finding out that I had one. But the others like this one right now, is one I can't hide. When I have one like this I keep to myself. Go to my room even and try to get over with it fast. But with a strong anxiety attack like this, I mostly break completely down. Even when I try my best to be strong but it always breaks me.

Normally someone is around me when I have my bad anxiety attacks. Like my Nana. She always turns on some music. Which really helps me to get my mind to focus on something else then what my mind has been reminding me of. Or helping me to even my breathing out again. Toni puts my hand most of the time on her hard with hers right on top and tells me to copy her breathing. Often it helps. But both of them aren't here right now. So I decided to just listen to some music and try to focus on my own breathing. But of course it doesn't stop it. So that means I have to wait for it to be over. But I still try to focus on calming down.

I was so focused on myself that I didn't even realize that school was over and that Toni was back home. I only realized it the moment, I opened my eyes, and she was kneeling in front of my. Not touching me because she knows that freaks me out sometimes. The moment our eyes met I calmed down a bit. She motioned with her hand to mine and all I could do was nod. So she slowly took my hands into hers and placed it on her chest like she always does. And I started to copy her breathing. I started to calm down, but I am sure that I will feel the anxiety attack a little longer. The moment Toni realized that I was calming down she slowly. So she slowly got up and sat down next to me, to pull my closer because she knows that it calms me even more when I am able to heat her heart beat. Toni was laying down on the couch, and I was laying on top of her. My anxiety slowly going away. None of us saying anything. Toni knows that it is best to wait sometime before talking to me. And she knows that when I am ready that I will start talking. And after a little while I felt ready to talk to her.

"How was school TT" I ask her quietly, my head still on her chest.

"It was okay, how was your school day."

"Okay, wanted to stay there with you"

"Is that why you had your anxiety attack" all I could do to answer her was nod.

"Can you tell me why?"

"I...I just feel like when I am not there people will hurt you to hurt me and my mind was going completely crazy. But at the same time I know that no one is going to hurt you because they know that they should mess with you. But my mind just doesn't get it."

"Aww I am so sorry princess. I promise you that if something like today happens again that on of us has a class canceled we will wait for the other on, okay. Like this you don't have to worry about anything" I look up into her eyes.

"Are you serious about that TT?"

"Of course I am, like this I have more chances to have you by my side. So either way a win-win for me."

"Your just the best person in this whole world TT. Thank you so much."

"Anything for you"

"I love you"

"I love you too"

Toni got the remote and started a movie. But we didn't move we just stayed like this and watched the movie. Even my Nana found us hours later in the same position. I am really just the luckiest person to have Toni by my side. She always helps and protects me. It seems like my life finally seems to go right.

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I hope you guys like this even thought it wasn't like a happy chapter. Today I just realized that some people don't take people with anxiety seriously. Like a person(a total stranger to me) today totally freaked out because she wanted to face time or do a phone call with me. I explained to her that I don't do that because it freaks me out and I get bad anxiety attacks when I talk to people I don't know. For her the reason was why I don't want to face time her is because I am fake. That just cause me to have an anxiety attack which resulted in a three-hour FaceTime call with my therapist.

Like seriously when someone tells you something like this. Why would you think they are fake. They are already feeling bad enough most of the time but you just make it worst. So all I ask for is to maybe try to understand what a person is trying to say. For me it is totally okay when someone asks me why I have anxiety. But to just say they are fake because they have it, and they are being honest about it is just wrong. I mean I get it. Anxiety is a hard topic. My parents had a hard time at first to until the say how bad it was. Then they made sure to calm me down or contact my therapist when I was really at my worst. They even trained my dogs so that they would help me with it and it really does help. But even in a situation like this they can't even help anymore.

Sorry for this shitty Chapter I just really needed to get this of my chest and maybe this helps a few people to understand it a bit more.
I mean like you guys can follow me on my Instagram and most of the times I follow back and all but please understand that pressuring someone into something only makes it worst.

Stay say if this time right now.

Check out @cherryserpentt