Sad songs // KSIMON

XXII

[Olajide Olatunji]

"Jesus, fuck. JJ, where the hell have you been and are you ok?" Joshua's voice was laced with an almost angry tone which made my brain tick over for a second.

I guess I did look a bit of a mess. Maybe that's what Josh was so expressive about. My clothes almost frozen from running against the harsh wind and the soaking of the rain. Bags under my eyes holding the evidence of my tiredness. I exhale sharply, the cold air stabbing my lungs, that desperately begged for air.

I didn't reply which made Josh's frown form into a scowl. I looked into his eyes, almost hoping I could telepathically alert him to my situation. It didn't work, much to my dismay. Josh continued to scowl as he looked down at me, eyes fixed on my body.

He seemed dazed, like he'd seen a damn ghost. His pale skin seemingly more colour deprived than usual and stress wrinkles visible as he studied me, alongside Vik who had a similar demeanour.
It was unnerving.

What had made the pair so anxious?

Josh was fine this morning. Wasn't he?

Was josh mad at me for leaving?

I mean I guess that it could be a legit reason for him to be upset.

But it feels like there's more to it than that. He was so accepting of my coming out, and he was the one that suggested I should get some fresh air.

Something flickered behind his hazel eyes. I knew josh too well to know he's fighting back something, an emotion or a secret and I can't help but feel like Simon is involved. That made my heart pound.

I gulped hard and flinched at the slight pain I felt when trying to move my legs to support myself getting up. Josh shook his head and Vik placed a hand on my shoulder gently, ensuring I didn't try to support myself to which I resisted the urge to retaliate. I could do it myself, but I decided to give in and let them help, it wasn't worth the unnecessary argument. Vik's facial features softened slightly as he gave a gentle smile but quickly, his expression returned to its previous state. This riddled me with confusion and guilt, it was coursing furiously behind my eyes and I know they both felt it, making me shudder slightly.

They glanced at me intently as they reached down, both grappling for oxygen after running out the door in such a flurry, wrapping their arms around my upper back to pull me up and give me support. You could almost see the pain the harsh air caused in Josh's chest as he helped me. I studied their faces as they gave each other a knowing glance over me, both had an expression I couldn't read and it started to make me anxious, brain still ticking over for possible answers as to why worry encapsulated their usually optimistic and smiley features.

I saw that same emotion I saw in Josh, dance its way across Vik's face.

Tears prick my eyes.

Something was wrong and an unsettling feeling grounded itself in the deepest pit of my stomach. I sucked the tears back in, refusing to give into the overwhelming feeling that interweaved its way into my body. It made my blood run cold.

Simon. Please don't be Simon.

Anything but him.

I winced in pain as the boys began to pry my sore body from the ice, my spine causing me the most pain. It tingled with a sensation so unfamiliar that I felt the need to vomit upon moving. I pursued my lips and squeezed my eyes to avoid the urge to puke everywhere, gaining a deep scowl that ached in my face. I'm sure the two boys have their work cut out for them without me projectile-ing everywhere.

"You like you are gonna be sick, mate. Do you want us to wait a second?" Josh asked calmly, resting a hand on my shoulder with his free hand.

I meet eyes with him and shook my head, confident I could keep going.