Sad songs // KSIMON

XVIII

[olajide olatunji]

I feel in love next to you,
Burning fires in this room,
it just fits light and smooth,
like my feet in my shoes...

Lyrics from an Ed Sheeran song, Firefly, rang through my head as I left the diner unwillingly. I knew what I was doing was for the best but it still sent a sting through me to leave him there all alone and confused but regardless, a song of pure bliss repeated itself in my head as I thought about him.

Little one... lie with me,
Sow your heart to my sleeve,
We'll stay quiet underneath,
Shooting stars...
if it helps you sleep...

The heavy pounding of the rain soon drowned out that song, stepping out onto the brisk London streets, drenching my mood along with clothes. Immediately, I'm soaked but only then as I stand outside the diner in the pouring rain, cold and wet, I realise that I had left my jacket with Simon.

I sigh and turn to go back in, thinking of the painful awkwardness that was to follow this situation. But something stops me as I see him staring out the window of the booth we once shared, hugging the jacket close to him. Despite the circumstances, I felt a warmth engulf my heart just like an endearing hug from a close friend or family member. A part of me knew that for him to let me walk out like I did, he cared. And to me, that meant the fucking world right now.

Why I felt it? To be honest, I wasn't entirely sure not only cause I'm drenched and cold but also that I'm putting him in danger the longer I'm here. I could have told him in there, I should have told him and it kills a part of me that I didn't but I was fighting my own consciousness, I couldn't bare telling the boy I think I've fallen for to take back his evil ex just because she's a jealous bitch with a face of makeup more layered than onions.

If she wants him back that's not my problem,

but it is my fault.

And it's tearing me apart.

I take my eyes away from him and shake off the cool air, beginning to walk somewhere, anywhere, some place where he isn't in danger.

The streets were grim and baron around this side of town especially in this weather. Which made me feel like more of an outcast than ever before as I trudge down the street, studying the concrete pathway and following it round a corner.

With no real direction and an aching heart, it seemed my feet were just taking me where I needed to go. I wasn't even thinking until the hard shoulder of another person rammed into me causing me to gasp and stumble back.

I was slightly annoyed but when I looked up, I became very annoyed. I let out a sigh of pure frustration as Amelia now stood opposite me on the path. Fortunately, we were semi covered by an over hanging tree that was in the front yard of a small church in this neighbourhood that was one over from mine.

"Do you ever fuck off?" I cursed, pinching my nose and closing my eyes in aggravation.

"Do you not get the message?? I told you not to talk to him unless you were telling him to take me back... and from what my little birds have told me, your meeting was the complete opposite. So now, I'm afraid, I'll have to give you a little more.... how do you say... 'motivation'." She sniggered, eyes engulfed in a trance of jealousy and revenge.

My heart stopped momentarily.

No, no, no, no, no, no, why him?

My body tensed whilst she folded her arms across her chest in a relaxed fashion.

Heart was flying, I couldn't help but see all the scenarios in which she would try to hurt him and it made my fists curl at my sides but also my heart ache with fear for my Simon.

How could this bitch ?

I secretly hoped that magically Josh or one of the other side boys would show up and be here to back me up, or at least find out what this son of a bitch was planning. I prayed, I hoped that maybe a miracle would happen. Lightning strikes her ? A fire? I don't know, I just wanted her gone I'm already sick of her tournament. I wanted Simon but I needed help to get him back, I needed it stat.

I clenched my jaw tight and gulped down my fears for just a moment at least.

"First off, how did you know anything? And secondly, you fucking so much as touch him... I'll... I'll..."

"You'll what, poor Olajide?," She puckered her lips and said it in one of those mock innocent tones that made my blood boil as she awaited my response. I stammered but nothing came out, I'd lost what ever sort of confidence that just seemed to emerge, "exactly what I thought." She hummed, stepping closer to me and standing right in my face.

She grinned and cupped a hand around one side of my face to which I tensed even more at as her icy cold fingers trailed down my face, I felt paralysed and couldn't move as much as I wanted to push her as far away from me as possible.

"Get away from him and me, bitch," I snarled through clenched teeth, "Get out of my life."

Her smiled died and my face suddenly stung immensely.

I stumbled back from her, holding my face out of pain. Her hand print was clearly visible on my cheek.

"Oh and one more thing before I go talk to my boyfriend... don't tell anyone, JJ. And trust me I'll know, I know and I see your every move. Cause if you dare tell a soul, you can say goodbye to your little bestie.... Bye bye, now." She smirked as she flicked her hair and pulled her hood over her head.

Walking into the rain, she disappeared around the corner.

Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Shit! Fuck, crap, shit, shit, crap, fuck.

What do I do now?

My face ached as did my heart. I could feel tears brewing and all I could do was turn and jog off in a huff. I felt one tear fall and soon many others followed as I sprinted away from that diner,
away from that monster,
away from that neighbourhood
and
away from that beautiful boy.

What a fucking mess.
I should tell someone.
I wanted to tell someone.
I needed to tell someone...
more specifically,
I needed to tell Josh.

Josh would understand, he would know what to do, right?

As my feet thudded against the path that was leading me Home, the rain continued to pour.

I had to come up with a plan and fast.
God help me, I need to be able to tell Josh without Amelia finding out.

Good fucking luck.