Sad songs // KSIMON

XVII

[Simon Minter]

"Fine. Look, I'll explain everything. But can we go some where else first? I want this to be private and... well, special." JJ spoke softly, words as sickeningly sweet as honey, so gooey you could just melt into them.

"Of course." I responded, longingly glancing at his lips.

He chuckled and I realised when my eyes darted to meet his, he had noticed my lustful glances and my face blossomed a bright red. He just smirked endearingly before pursuing his lips and making kissy nosies, mocking me. He giggled and my heart throbbed of joy. I smiled back, hiding my face in his jacket.

The dimmed London streets suddenly felt less dark, despite the downpour that still thundered down.

JJ shuffled his way out of the booth seat before standing up and extending a hand to me. My face felt hot and flushed but I gladly accepted his offer and my still cold hands made contact with his warm ones sending a surge of warmth right through me.

"Come on, m'lady," JJ giggled at his own remark to which I scoffed as he slung an arm around my waist, "let me explain..."

...

"Simon.... Simon?! Hellooo??" JJ huffed, catching my attention, I couldn't tell if his face read confusion, anger, concern, sadness or all of them as he waved his hand in front of my face.

I frowned, disappointed that my apparent daydream was nothing more than just that, a dream; a single moment of pure bliss which will most likely never occur and as I locked eyes with ,what seemed to be, a confused, sad, hurt and angered JJ, it confirmed my theory.

I must have zoned out after our conversation had run dead, after he told me, "I wish I could tell you, I really do", and it filled me with so much confusion, making my jaw clench tight, I found myself looking toward that cute couple from earlier that were still in that booth and I wished, even just for a split second, that it could've been JJ and I.

"S-sorry." I quietly mumbled, moving my glance to my fingers that fidgeted with the cuffs on JJ's jacket that I still held tight around my body.

"Look, I can't be with you right now. The longer I'm here the more likely you are to be in trouble. Please, if you love me, let me walk away, Simon..... please." He spoke in such a tone that I felt compelled to follow his advice.

His usually creamy chocolate eyes pooled with a darkness that made my blood run cold. I knew what I had to do, I knew something was very... very wrong and I wasn't willing to take any risks that would put him in danger.

"Just go." I whispered, loud enough for him to hear it but not so loud that it was harsh.

I couldn't even bare to look at him but I felt his eyes on me. His figure slid out of the booth seat and I listened as his shoes clacked against the lino floors. His form was tense and I felt guilty. Moving my glance toward the droplet covered window, not daring to see him even though I felt his eyes continue bore into me from the doorway, but he wanted me to let him leave so I'm giving him that window of opportunity. Jaw still tight, skin turning a sickening cold, making my heart feel frozen over. It was hard but, I think I love him so I'm letting him walk.

If he's safe, that's all that matters to me.

•••

I pushed the whipped cream on the top of my vanilla shake around with my straw, resting my head on my fist feeling incredibly empty. The London weather wasn't much of a helping hand as the city still reeked of gloom. Slouching, I fell back into a dream state but more of a 'replaying everything that just happened' sorta daydream.

Wet hair still stuck to my forehead, dripping down my skin and I felt the weight of the tired bags held under my eyes.

His warmth, skin so soft and his facial features seemed illuminated even against the harsh greyness that consumed the city outside. Eyes swirled with so many tormenting emotions, yet they still seemed to glisten with beauty. Mandala patterned bandana curled around his forehead and black shirt fitting enough to show off his muscular build. He just seemed to glow but I'm aware it's more of the fact it's just my imagination that pictures him as this angel like being, even with his flaws.

As my mind began to fall into a peaceful state, happily picturing this boy, I sipped a bit of my milkshake that had started to turn luke-warm. Even at its semi warm state it was velvety and sweet, quite nice and it didn't let my standards down.

Just as I was to take another sip, a hand thudded onto the table in front of me, making me jump and fling my eyes up to meet with the hand thudder. The sound rattled in my ears and made my heart thump.

To be quite honest, I wasn't surprised to see a devious Amelia beam down at me. Just seeing her made my mouth run dry from annoyance. I rolled my eyes, groaning internally, before slouching back to my previous position. Heart slowing back to its normal rate.

"Wow. Don't be so excited to see me!" She hummed sarcastically, a dryness in her tone.

Her hair was neatly swooshed back into a loose pony and makeup was so atrociously applied, that it looked almost like someone had smeared cake batter on her face and stuck it in an oven for 20 minutes. Yup, just as grim as it sounds, it was true.

She wore a simple black hoodie and cargo pants with Nike sneakers. Casual, lazy and messy. Definitely not her usual OCD-like style.

She slithered her way into the booth where he had sat, sparking some sort of jealous demon within me, and unwelcomedly helped herself to a conversation I wasn't willing to engage in.

"So... Si, how ya been?" She mimicked a stereotypical white Starbucks chick kinda voice which I truly knew was entirely fake.

I glanced up from my milkshake to make eye contact with her to which she smirked and her eyes were screaming of an emotion I couldn't read but I knew it wasn't a good vibe.

Sighing I shook my head not wanting to open my mouth or maybe not physically being able to due to the desert that had occurred in my lack of friendliness.

"Jesus, What shoved a brick up your arse?" She sniggered.

Blankly I stared at her and the words just kinda fell out my mouth now breaking the thick awkwardness around us.

"Wouldn't you like to fucking know?" I hissed, stirring my shake more aggressively.

"Actually... I'd kill to know what you have been up to, my little Si." Venom oozed in her tone, eyed narrowed like a snake.

This was not good.

Not. Good. At. All.