A Mother's Bond

63

Nevaeh December 3, 2016
I fiddled with the zipper of my jacket, avoiding Ray's gaze. She'd been staring at me for the past 15 minutes, and I had no clue what to do about it. The brazen confidence I'd felt with her a month ago at the hospital had completely left me. Now, just sitting near her made me feel self-conscious. Whenever she asked me a question, my words jumbled up, leaving me with stunted one-word answers.

But why the huge difference? Was it because my anger had given me confidence? No. That couldn't be it. I used to be able to talk to her one-on-one no problem. I wasn't talking her ear off, but I held my own. Maybe it was because for the first time in eight years I'd finally admitted what I really wanted. I looked down at the conversation between me and Kai. He'd been messaging me nonstop to get updates. I rolled my eyes at his latest message.

Kai: Good luck bitch 😉😍😜

I shook my head, shoving my phone back into my jacket pocket. It took all my willpower not to sneak another glance at Ray. I'd missed looking at her. Today she had her hair pulled back, leaving her face on full display. I couldn't help but notice how much healthier she looked. How much more alive. Her face had filled out again. The dark circles under her eyes had all but disappeared.

Maybe it was because I wasn't used to seeing her, but she'd never looked better. No. There was more to it. The way she walked. Even the way she sat beside me. There was a sense of assurance I'd never seen in her before. It was as beautiful as it was intimidating.

I grimaced as we neared the little café that I'd picked out earlier that week. In just a few moments, Ray and I would be left alone. I wouldn't be able to stare out the window of the van in an effort to pretend like I wasn't hyperaware of her presence. I would have to face her.

Julius pulled around the back, putting the car in park. Ray looked out the window, a confused look on her face. I opened the door and climbed out.

"Come on," I instructed, waiting for her to follow before walking into the café.

I led us to a secluded booth. Beyoncé had arranged for the place to be cleared out, so I really had nothing to be worried about, but I still felt more comfortable being relatively out of sight.

I slid into the booth while Ray slid in on the other side, facing me. A waitress immediately walked over to our section and placed menus on the table in front of us. She did her introduction, smiling extra hard to impress us. Probably hoping for major tips from the ballers who rented out the whole café for a day. As if she hadn't been tipped already. Greedy.

I zoned out, pretending to read the menu options. When she left, I continued to stare down at the menu. I already knew what I wanted, but I wasn't ready to start a conversation with Ray. I was seriously beginning to regret flying out. This wasn't me. I didn't do things like this.

"Nevaeh," Ray called softly, forcing me to look up at her.

"Yeah?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Are you gonna talk to me at all?"

"My bad, I was just looking at the menu."

She scoffed. "Bullshit. We've both known what we've wanted for years, and now that we can finally have it, you're second-guessing it? For what? Come, on Vaeh."

I blinked in shock, my ears heating up. "Wha–Wait 'we'? You knew? You knew this whole time?"

Ray furrowed her eyebrows. "Yeah. I was there when we were all talking about it, remember? We said we'd visit New York and stop in a little coffee shop. I would get hot chocolate with little marshmallows. You'd get a hot chocolate with a triple chocolate muffin heated up for 24 seconds. And Kai would get high." She finished off, chuckling at the memory. "He was such a bad kid."