A Mother's Bond

27

Jay July 27, 2016
I paced the room that Bey and I shared, trying to come up with a plan that would get me out of the mess I had created for myself. Julez refused to admit it, but it didn't take a genius to realize he'd seen the message. The look on his face. I had probably scarred that kid for life. I groaned, putting my hands over my face.

The timing of this shit couldn't be worse. With everything going on, this would be the last straw. Bey and I were already on rocky terms. We were barely speaking. If she found out I'd been cheating on her, that would be it. She would pack her shit and go. She would definitely take Blue with her. I didn't know what she would do about Sarayah. She might let me take her.

And Sarayah. Who knows what she would do. She probably wouldn't even want to come with me, even if Bey let her. Damn. And just when she started calling me 'Dad'. We were finally building trust, a relationship. This would burn it to the ground. I felt like she barely forgave me for being a shitty father and an even worse husband in the past. I knew that most of her forgiveness hinged on the fact that she thought I'd changed for the better. That, and she didn't have anyone else to lean on at the time. If she found out that I'd lied, I'm not sure what she would do.

I swore under my breath, collapsing on the bed. The thing is, I had changed. That's what frustrated me the most. I stayed faithful to Bey after Sarayah was kidnapped. I did all the right things. I was patient and understanding, like a good boyfriend. After a couple years, I married her, had another child who I then raised with her, but still there was something missing. Bey just wasn't the same, so I looked outside our marriage for what I needed. I knew it wasn't right, but it was so damn easy. Rebecca just wouldn't stop reaching out. A man can only take so much temptation.

I ended it though. After we got Sarayah back, I ended it. I didn't want to be that guy anymore. She didn't take it well. Started showing up at my office when I stopped answering her calls. She was crazy, trying to blow up my family life. I did everything I could to keep her quiet. Even tried paying her off, but nothing worked, clearly.

I had to get Julez to keep quiet. He was the only one who knew. The girls were still out. I would talk to him man to man and make him realize that the truth would only hurt everyone. I could not let this be the end for me.

I stood up and walked to his room. I knocked on the door. There was no answer. After a minute, I slowly opened the door, peeking my head in. He was sitting in the corner of his bed, knees tucked under his chin. He looked really upset, and I briefly felt bad, but I knew what I had to do. This was my family. I couldn't let this mistake tear it apart. I sat on the edge of his bed, and he shrank farther away. I sighed.

"Listen man, I know what you saw on my phone."

He shook his head. "I didn't see anything. I–I was just checking the time."

"Julez, I know man, okay? You saw the message. You don't have to lie. I'm not mad."

He looked at me suspiciously but let me continue.

"You're probably really confused and scared. I'm sorry. I know it's my fault. I made a mistake. A huge mistake that could end up tearing my family apart. If Bey finds out, it's over. We'll get separated. Blue will go with Bey, and Sarayah will stay with me. I won't be coming around anymore, so you won't get to see Sarayah."

Julez looked down, sadly picking at his comforter. "I don't want that to happen."

I swallowed hard. I felt like shit for playing with the kid's emotions, but this was my family. I needed them. I couldn't lose them over some pussy. I cleared my throat.

"Neither do I. That's the good news though. None of that has to happen. We can keep everyone together."

He looked at me skeptically, eyebrow raised. "What do you mean? Aunty Bey isn't gonna let that go."

I nodded. "That's why we don't tell her. If she doesn't know, then nobody gets hurt, and the family stays together. Your Aunty Bey and I will stay married, and Sarayah will stay put. All we need to do is keep this between us."

He scrunched up his face. "I don't know, Uncle Jay. I really don't like lying, especially to my family. I always feel guilty, because I know it's wrong."

I clenched my jaw, willing myself to keep going, keep corrupting this innocent kid to protect myself.

"Is it really wrong if lying is the only way to protect the people you love?"

He thought it over for a few seconds. "I mean, I don't know. I guess not."

"Exactly, it's not. You're being selfless. No one likes lying to the people they love. It's hard. It's a sacrifice."

He looked away. "It doesn't feel good."

"It's not supposed to. If it did, then it wouldn't be a sacrifice."

He nodded slowly. "I guess that makes sense."

"I'm glad you understand." I held out my hand. "So, can I count on you, Julez? Will you help me protect my family? Our family?"

He frowned down at my hand for a second, and it felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. But then he put his hand in mine, firmly shaking it. I smiled, but inside, I could feel my soul rotting.

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Ok, so. This was short af. HOWEVER, the next two updates are crazy long, so be happy. Anyway...thanks for sticking with me. I honestly really appreciate you guys. Ok I'm done talking byeeee.