Chapter 14: Four Letter Word

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Roc Royal’s POV

I’m only fifteen and I’ve already made more money than a lot of grown people, fallen in love twice, cheated on someone and got cheated on, and got my heart broken.

Sigh.

It really did break my heart when I heard about Janelle and Prince, though.  She really caught me off guard with that. I had been feeling so good from when she told me she loved me, and I even bought her a gift (it was just a scarf, but it was still a heartfelt gift) but I threw it away once Prince told me they liked each other.

I think I’m more upset at Princeton than I am at Janelle. I don’t think I can ever speak to Janelle again, but still, I’ve never been so mad at someone like I’m mad at Princeton right now. It’s not only that he knew I liked her and he made her like him anyway, but he didn’t refrain from telling me, and he told me in a cocky way. And after he told me, he didn’t even apologize.

But hey, I’m not the one that said ‘spread the peace’.

I left the temporary house that we had been staying in. I mean, at some point I’ll go back since all my things are there, but I just can’t be around them anymore. I can’t stay in that house and remember losing the girl I loved, fighting my former best friend, and crying myself to sleep.

This would be a little better if Janelle hadn’t told me she loved me. That just made me feel like I couldn’t control my feelings anymore. I was starting to feel like I owed my entire heart to her and no one else, and she was my #1 Girl…but I was wrong.

Now I know the danger of that four letter word.

So that’s why I was knocking on Sapphire’s door right now. I had no option but to fix things between us. This couldn’t keep happening; I was tired of being on and off.

“Yeah…oh, um, Chresanto? Wow…I wasn’t expecting you.” Sapphire stuttered. Usually back in the day when I would visit Sapphire, right about now I would be taking her by the chin and kissing her, or lifting her up and carrying her to her room…

But now I’m just serious as ever, staring her up and down and hoping everything will go well. 

Sapphire let me in and explained that her mother wasn’t home and she was just frying some eggs for breakfast. She led me into the kitchen and I sat down at the table while she finished up with her eggs on the stove. 

“Do you want some?” She asked me as she spread hers onto a buttery bagel.

“I’m good.” I said. She insisted on giving me some of her breakfast. It hurt that she was being so nice. It was hard for me to tell her what I needed to. 

As we ate and she talked, I paused and stared at the wooden table. It was time. 

“What’s wrong?” Sapphire asked, noticing that I’d stopped. 

I sighed. “Sapphire…we need to talk.” I could already see the glow in her eyes and the way her mouth was curling at that moment…she knew I would be talking to her about our kiss. But she wasn’t thinking like I was—she thought I was going to tell her I wanted to get back together.

“Sure.” She said. 

“Um…well, see…this is what I’ve been thinking.” I began. “It’s just that…I don’t know if you’ve heard, on the radio, that me and the guys have a new song out.”

“Yeah, with that Lovechild group.”

“Exactly. Well um, we’re going on tour with them soon. Things will get different, you won’t hear from me for a while…I’ll be busy. And I just wanted to clarify a few things before I go. Like, that kiss the other day? Well…Sapphire, our relationship in the past was great. It happened at the perfect time. But now, it just won’t work. I’m in a vulnerable position right now, and I’m trying to organize my thoughts and my life…A relationship is not what I need right now, especially right after coming out of one. We need to forget about that kiss, and make nothing more of it. It’s not going to happen.” 

I sighed. It felt so good to get that out. 

But looking at Sapphire’s surprised, confused face felt horrible. 

“What….what? What do you mean? What relationship are you coming out of?” Sapphire’s voice shook. 

“I never told you, but I was seeing someone when you kissed me.” I admitted. Sapphire was just…shocked.

“Why…why didn’t you tell me? Chresanto, if I had knew, I would’ve never done that! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“I don’t know….it happened quickly, Sapphire. I couldn’t think. But now I’m telling you that….that…” I trailed off.

“That what?” Sapphire asked, a little calmer now.

“Now I’m telling you that I don’t love you. I can’t love anymore.” 

“Alright, break’s over guys, board the bus!” Vick, the driver of our tour bus, called to the others. They were outside the bus conversing, drinking soda, and stalling before it was time to get on the bus. But as soon as I was dressed, and I just got on here and went to the furthest back seat.

Well, almost the furthest back seat. The furthest back isolated seat. If I was in the very back, I would have two seats on either side of me allowing someone to sit and disturb my peace. I didn’t need that.

Everyone got on the bus, looked at me, and then quickly averted their gaze. I realized that only the rest of Mindless Behavior, our manager, and a few other close friends were here. Then I looked out the window and saw Janelle and Bianca standing side-by-side in front of a skinny guy wearing a red snapback…

It was their father, Tyga. I remember the first time I met him. He seemed to be a pretty nice person, but I guess he just couldn’t get the hang of raising children properly. He kissed Janelle’s forehead and hugged her and did the same for Bianca, and then watched them both board the bus.

And then we were driving off.

Bianca sat next to Princeton at the front of the bus, and then Janelle took a seat by herself in the middle, a few seats away from Ray-Ray. I could feel her looking at me, but I couldn’t look up. Then I saw her stand up and walk over to me. 

I still didn’t look at her. 

“Roc,” she whispered softly. I didn’t look. “Please.” She whispered again. I couldn’t resist the softness and tenderness of her voice. Slowly, I looked up and into Janelle’s eyes.

“Can I…sit next to you? I want to talk to you. Please? I won’t be long, I just want to explain.” Janelle said. She was practically begging, but I didn’t feel bad to reject her.

“I’m good. Keep your explanation.” I said. After that, I ignored her as she begged a little more, and finally she turned around and sat back in her seat. I knew she would be crying, and I was the one that made her cry, but…you can’t have sympathy in these situations.

This is going to be a long tour.

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