Chapter 13: Words Can Break Hearts

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Janelle’s POV

Yesterday was…I don’t know. It was strange. When I dialed Roc’s number and told him I wanted to talk, it wasn’t me. It was someone else…a different Janelle. A side of me that I didn’t know. If it was the real me, I would have just locked myself out of the world and cried because of all the stress.

So why didn’t I do that? Where did that other side come from?

But I’m not complaining. I like that other side. It caused something amazing to happen—I opened up to Roc and he opened up to me. There had been this brick wall between us that neither of us knew how to get through, but I broke it down. We were finally seeing eye-to-eye.

I felt so close to him that I didn’t even want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to talk to Shay—my former best friend who I hadn’t spoken to in weeks—or my family. I just wanted to be by his side.

Could I do that, though? Nope. Why? Because my family was sickeningly dramatic.

“IT DOESN’T MATTER JAYDI! I still have a connection with her!” Daddy yelled at Mama. She shook her head and grabbed a knife from the drawer and began to furiously chop up a carrot on the kitchen counter.

“It does matter, and you know it. That girl is vicious. No one ever liked her! She’s not good to be around, and you know how I feel about you speaking to her without me knowing!” Mama replied.

“So now I have to report to you every time I speak to someone besides you?”  Daddy said.

“No, just when you speak to her!”

“I can’t deal with you sometimes. I’m going in the living room to talk to our daughter. Should I report the conversation to you after I’m finished speaking to her?” Daddy asked sarcastically. Mama didn’t respond, so he made his way into the living room and onto the couch next to me.

I continued picking at a hole in my sweater; it was a Last Kings sweater. Daddy’s record label was the only reason we were still so rich. He got rich off of signing rappers. Besides that, he wouldn’t be allowed to rap anymore. He’s just too old.

I didn’t see him as old, though. I looked into his eyes and they still looked young and fresh, his face was clear besides that shadow from shaving, and he was still handsome as far as I was concerned.

“You alright?” He asked quietly. I nodded. Daddy and I were becoming more and more distant from each other. But I couldn’t blame him; his load just got super heavy when Junior went to rehab.

“Are you ok?” I asked him.  He looked down at the rug on the floor and sighed. I actually felt sorry for him; he was supposed to be enjoying life with his family (when I say family, I do not mean Blac Chyna and Bianca) instead of arguing with his wife daily and managing a career.

“I’m good…But I heard you on that radio interview yesterday. I’m proud of you, Janelle. You kind of remind me of your mother when she was a little older than you.” Daddy said.

“Yeah, I guess.” I replied. I wanted to ask him about when Mama was seventeen, about when he first realized he loved her…but for some reason I refrained. It just didn’t seem like the right thing to do right now. He was stressed, Mama was upset with him, and I had other things to think about.

“Look, you shouldn’t stay here. Go meet the boys. I’ll text you the address.” Daddy said to me, standing up. I stood up also and he patted my back as I walked toward the staircase.

“Janelle,” he called to me, “remember that I love you, no matter what happens.”

I nodded. “I know, Daddy. I know you love me.”

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