so much more than a fan - billie eilish

your love feels so fake

title: watch/ &burn - billie eilish and finneas 

elle's POV

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i have a girlfriend

a girlfriend i love very much

i can't go around telling ex girlfriends i love them

especially not billie

even if it's the truth

even if i've kept it buried deep down inside

hid it from everyone,

forced myself to move on,

pretended and still am pretending that may is the love of my life when everyone knows it's billie

i just want to move on already

fully

but i just can't.

"don't think i didn't hear every word that you just told my fucking girlfriend " may says with a look of pure anger, grabbing billie by the arm and yanking her up. "fuck" billie winces in pain. "may, what the hell?" i furrow my eyebrows. "what the hell me? what the hell you?!" she shouts. "may, you need to lower your voice. it's late. i know you're upset but let's talk this out like adults. please." i tell her. "i don't care elle! now go ahead and lie to me about what's going on here. try to come up with an excuse. i'm ready." she folds her arms. "why should i have to come up with an excuse? billie and i were just talking. i'm not aloud to talk to my friends anymore? is that it?" i ask. "maybe i should go" billie suggests. "no bil, stay here." i stop her. "you'd like that huh? you'd like billie to stay?" she cocks an eyebrow. "i mean... yeah. that's why i literally just told her to stay" i say with a small laugh. "don't fucking laugh elle!" may yells. "may, you're going to wake up mum and the girls. either you lower your voice, we talk outside, we drop it, or you leave." i tell her strictly. "i'm sure that's what you want yeah? you want me to leave so you can get back to fucking this whore?" she asks with a laugh. "what the fuck did you just call her?" i ask. "you heard me." she answers. "apologize. now." i say and clench my jaw. "what?" she furrows her eyebrows. "you heard me." i quote her. "i'm not going to fucking apologize for telling the truth!" she exclaims laughing slightly. "either apologize or get out." i respond, keeping my jaw clenched and i tight grip on my sleeve."where am i supposed to go?" she asks. "i don't care. don't you ever talk about the people i love like that ever again. whether it is my friends or my family. i want you to apologize to billie or leave." i explain. "you can't be serious elle" she says with a look of worry. "i am. i have had it up to here with your bullshit. i can't even talk to billie without you getting jealous! your love.... it just feels so fake sometimes. i don't think this is going to work out anymore, may." i tell her in a serious tone. "whatever. you'll be crawling back in less than a month. i'll get my shit and go." she shakes her head and me and heads upstairs. 

"elle you didn't have to do that" billie breaks the silence. "yes i did." i respond, still staring where may was just standing. "elle-" she starts but may cuts her off. "i'm sure the girls are awake by the way" she shrugs and walks to the door. "bitch bye!" elizabeth shouts from upstairs, making billie chuckle. "elizabeth get down here!" i yell, making her trudge down the stairs. "good job" i laugh and high five her. "oh, by the way may and i'm sure i speak for everyone when i say" elizabeth starts and slams the door on may who was already out the door but still looking back at us. "that was.... amazing" billie laughs in shock. "okay, and now you two get back together. go ahead and talk it out. i'm going to go to bed." elizabeth tells us with her thumbs up. "elizabeth-" billie starts but she cuts her off. "nope, back together" elizabeth says and runs up the stairs.

"come here" billie says, holding her arms out. i sigh and hug her tightly as she hugs me back. "it's okay. i'm here" she says and kisses the top of my head. "thank you bil." i sniffle. "you want me to stay the night?" she asks. "mhm" i nod. "you wanna sleep in your bed or on the couch?" she questions. "i don't think i can sleep in my bed. it will smell like her."i respond. "i'll change the sheets if you want to sleep in your bed. i want you to be as comfortable as possible." she tells me. 

little does she fucking know i'm most comfortable in her arms.

bro chill

"you're not going to let me say no huh?" i ask. "nope" she answers and shakes her head. "fine" i agree. she helps me up the stairs and into my room. i sit on my desk chair as she strips my bed and remakes it. "all better" she smiles and pats it. she helps me up and into bed and kisses my forehead. "i'll go sleep on the couch" she tells me. "no, i want you with me" i shake my head. "okay, then give me  a pillow and i'll sleep on the floor" she shrugs. "no bil, i want you to sleep in the bed. with me." i explain. "oh. are you sure?" she asks. "why would i ask if i wasn't?" i ask with a small giggle. "you right, you right" she points at me and nods. she lays beside me and i turn on my side so i'm facing her. "i've missed you bil" i smile weakly. "i've missed you too" she responds.