so much more than a fan - billie eilish

you're looking at me like i'm see through

title: 8 - billie eilish and finneas o'connell

billie's POV

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i know, i know. it was a bad idea to show up out of the blue, but i got so excited when elizabeth texted me and told me that elle was here. i couldn't wait.

let's rewind a bit.

elle broke up with me, i went through like a 4 month depressive stage, elle invited me to her going away party, we got a little closer and became friends, she moved away and surprise surprise i fell right back into my depressive stage. fast forward six months and i see i have a show in london. i decided it would be the best idea to ask amelia if i could stay with her instead of getting a hotel because i didn't want to spend money if i could just stay with someone i know and love. amelia told me elle was going to be there which only made me want to stay there more until i heard her new girlfriend is coming and so i decided to get a hotel. elizabeth texted me about an hour ago saying that elle was back and i couldn't resist. sure i have an interview in like an hour but it's fine. i want to see elle. that's all that matters to me right now.

"i've missed you. a lot." i tell her, making her cheeks turn light pink. "i've missed you too" she responds, looking right passed me and at may. "hug already god damn it!" elizabeth orders, making us all laugh. i hold my arms out and elle hugs me. i wrap my arms around her tightly and she continues to exchange looks with may.

fuck i've missed her.

she may be looking right through me, but that doesn't mean i don't miss her.

although i do miss the way she used to look at me. i've spent the passed year trying to find someone to look at me the way she did and that i looked at the same way. but here i am, still wishing that she'd look at me the same way she used to.

"what're you doing here?" she asks as she pulls away, way too soon if you ask me.

i could stay in her arms forever.

no billie, she has a girlfriend.

so what? it's fine.

always and forever am i right?

shut the fuck up!

i shake myself out of my thoughts and smile a little. "i couldn't wait. i wanted to see you" i shrug, making her blush yet again. "oh! i'm sure you've already met may yes?" she asks, walking over to the beautiful girl i met only five minutes ago.

she's absolutely gorgeous

elle really upgraded didn't she?

yeah. i guess she did.

and she's so sweet, the way she totally fangirled i walked in.

she is sweet.

i just hope that's true.

i hope she deserves elle.

treats her the way she should be treated.

the way i should've treated her.

"um yeah. i did" i nod. "i mean no disrespect and i hope you don't take this the wrong way but you're a lucky girl" i tell may. "i think so yes" may agrees, wrapping her arm around elle's waist and smiling up at her. "so, when does madison get home?" elle asks, clapping and clasping her hands together. "she should be home any second" amelia answers. "do you mind if i stay until madison gets home? i've missed her" i ask. "of course, she'd be so excited to see you" amelia says with a smile.

"how did you two meet?" i ask, breaking the silence. "we met at a concert. may came down because performer wasn't going to france and so that show was her only chance." elle answers. "what about you guys? i can't believe elle dated a celebrity" may giggles. "oh, she came to one of my concerts actually. she was at the barricade and caught my attention and it grew from there." i explain. "how long have you been together? a year?" i ask. "about a year and a half." elle smiles at may, intertwining their fingers. "how long were you guys a thing?" may asks. "well, it felt way longer than it was, not to mention the fact that she was in a coma for like a month. i think we were together for like 2 maybe 3 months? is that right?" i reply. "i think so yeah" elle nods. "though it felt like a year" amelia chips in with a giggle. "personally it feels like you and elle were together longer than elle and may have been together. maybe it's just the fact that you two were truly in love." elizabeth whispers in my ear. "we'll talk later" i tell her with a small smile.

the door opens and i hear tiny steps run through the hallway and to the kitchen. "ELLE!" madison exclaims and latches onto elle's leg. "hello little one!" elle smiles and picks madison up. "i'm not little anymore, i'm this many! that's six whole fingers! i'm using two hands elle!" madison explains happily, showing her age on her fingers. "good point. madison, i want you to meet someone v-" elle starts but madison cuts her off. "BILLIE!" madison screams and jumps from elle's arms and over to me, standing next to me (due to me sitting on the floor) and instantly hugging me tightly. "hello princess! how're you?" i ask, hugging her back. "i'm good. i'm in school now!" she tells me. "you're so big!" i respond. "who's that?" madison whispers and points to may. "that's elle's girlfriend madison, elle was about to introduce you two" i whisper back. "she's not as pretty as you" madison whispers. "now madison, that's not very nice. we only say nice things. go introduce yourself" i say. madison gives me an unsure look but walks over to may anyway. "i'm madison. how many fingers are you?" madison asks, looking back at me every once in a while. "i'm 18 fingers, soon to be 19" may answers. madison walks back to me in the middle of may's response and sits on my lap. "ask her when her birthday is" i whisper in madison's ear. "when is your birthday?" madison sighs. "december 27th" may responds. "billie is older than you and therefore more better" madison nods. "madison only nice things" i remind her, trying to keep in laughter. "but did you hear that? i said something nice about you and said a big word" she defends herself. "but still, that's not entirely nice. say you're sorry" i say, still trying not to laugh. "sorry" madison shrugs. "i'm not sorry" madison whispers to me. "give us a moment" i say, standing up and picking madison up.

i walk her out to the backyard and we sit on the swings, elizabeth quickly joining us. "you guys, i can't say i don't want to be with elle because that's a lie, but i can't have you saying mean things to may just because you want elle and i back together and think it's defending me. this goes for both of you by the way" i sigh. "but you just said you wanted to get back together with her! madison, it's time for stage two of the plan" elizabeth says deviously. "hol' up, what plan?"