so much more than a fan - billie eilish

true love hurts

title: hostage - billie eilish and finneas

elle's POV

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"what is going on?" may asks, standing in the doorway. i quickly push billie away and they both give me the same, saddened, confused look. "nothing. nothing's going on." i tell her. "then why were you just hugging your ex girlfriend?" may furrows her eyebrows and raises her voice. "it's not what it looks like may i-" i start but billie cuts me off. "she was crying bro. she needed a hug. can't you get that through your head? just because we dated doesn't mean we still feel the same way we used to" billie explains. "how do i know that? really, how? if she cheated on you, how do i know she won't do the same to me?" may yells. "may, please. calm down" i say, trying to hug her but she pushes me away. "fuck" i cuss as i twist my ankle and fall to the floor. "i'll go get your mom" billie says, looking down at me as i grab onto my ankle, tears of pain or sadness welling up in my eyes, maybe both. "oh my god elle, i'm so sorry" may says, kneeling down beside me. i look passed may and see elizabeth and madison watching from the hallway. "what? what are you looking at?" i yell. they run off and billie and my mom come running in. mum has an ice pack in her hand and instantly rushes to my side. "may just... just go start the car." mum sighs and hands her the keys. "okay." may nods with a sad, worried look.

mum tries to pick me up but can't. "i'm just too tired. i'm getting too old for this." she says with an upset look. "i'll get her to the car" billie volunteers. "no billie, that'll only start more of what we don't want. i can do it myself" i reject and try to stand up, instantly falling back down. "here's an idea, instead of just staring and watching me struggle, maybe go get my girlfriend to help me!" i shout at elizabeth. seconds later elizabeth comes back with may and she picks me up bridal style. "i'm so sorry elle. it was an accident" she sniffles. "just get me in the car. i don't want to talk." i tell her, looking away as she tries to maintain eye contact. "okay" she nods and finally gets me seated in the backseat of the car. "billie, can you stay here with the girls?" i hear mum ask from inside. "yeah. of course. just text me when you find anything out." billie responds. "i will. love you guys." mum says and jogs out to the car. "how's it feeling elle?" mum asks as she backs out of the driveway. "oh it's just lovely. never felt better" i say sarcastically.

i am aware of how rude i'm being. it's not on purpose. when i get hurt, i want to help myself and when i can't, it just makes me upset to see other people trying to help me. i hate when people see me at my weak points. why i'm in any kind of pain, physical or mental. i'm okay with billie and mum seeing my like that, but may has never really seen me like this before so i'm kinda taking it out on everyone. i know that's the wrong this to do but i'll apologize later.

we get to the ER and i'm sat in a room as i hold the ice pack on my ankle. "so, how'd this happen?" the nurse asks. i look over at may and she gives me an 'i'm sorry' look. "i was dancing and slipped. i guess i twisted my ankle on the way down." i lie. "okay. how's it feeling?" she asks. "lov- it hurts. bad" i decide to hold in sarcastic comments when doctors or nurses ask them, my health is in their hands. "alright. let's go down to x-ray" she suggests. they gave me a walker so i can walk on my own. i feel like my grandmum.

after about half an hour, we finish the x-rays and get back to the room i was in before. "just wait here, the doctor will be in in a few minutes." the nurse tells me with a smile and leaves. "get one of those gloves." i order. may grabs one of the rubber gloves from a box on the counter and hands it to me. i blow it up and tie it, bouncing it in the air as i wait. i hit it down at mum and giggle, making her laugh as well. i hit it over to may and she hits it back to me. we play with it for a while until i get bored and start watching tik toks.

"hello elle, amelia" the doctor greets us. "and whose this?" he asks with a smile, obviously talking about may. "that's may, she's my girlfriend" i tell him. may stands up and shakes his hand with a smile. "doctor harrison" he says as he shakes her hand. "may  moreau" she introduces herself. "where are you from?" he asks. "france" she answers. "that's amazing. i'm sure elle would like to figure out what she's done to herself now so let's get into that" he chuckles. "i'm going to give it to you straight, you've torn a ligament" he frowns. "damn it. again?" i sigh. "yeah, you'll have to wear the boot again. do you still have it?" he asks. "yeah, we have it" mum nods. "i'm sorry elle" he tells me. "you want a lolly?" he offers. "i mean... i'm turning 19 in a few weeks." i suck through my teeth. "but hell yeah" i giggle, making him laugh. "excuse me doctor harrison, can i speak with you alone for a moment?" mum asks. "sure, you ladies mind waiting in the lobby?" doctor harrison asks. "oh, okay" i shrug.

we finally leave and i get back inside. "don't go anywhere" mum jokes as may sits me down on the couch. "ha ha ha, you're so funny" i fake laugh and flip her off. "i don't have to go get the boot for you" she threatens. "but you will because you hate seeing me in pain. remember the time i was in a coma, oh how sad was that?" i frown.  "shut up and let me go get the boot" mum shakes her head to herself and walks up the stairs. several seconds later, billie comes running down the stairs and to my side. "are you alright? i was so worried. do you need anything?" she asks frantically. "i think i can handle taking care of my own girlfriend" may butts in. "now may, that wasn't very nice. billie was just wondering if i was okay" i shrug.

i see a look of anger, betrayal and shock in may's eyes along with a look of surprise on billie's face. "i see. go ahead and have billie take care of you then. i'll be upstairs." she says and storms off. "don't worry about her, she'll calm down after a few hours and be begging me to forgive her" i roll my eyes. "how're things going between the two of you?" she asks. "we're doing good. we're fighting a lot more than we usually do. i don't know what's going on between us" i sigh. "i'm sure it's just a funk and you'll get out of it." she says with a small smile. "what about you? is there anyone special in your life?" i ask. "no. not since you." she shakes her head. "i've tried to move on, but i just... i can't." she adds. "billie i-" i start but mum comes down the stairs with the boot in her hands. "found it!" she exclaims and walks over to me. "fuck!" i shout in pain as she puts it on. i grab onto billie's hand and squeeze it as hard as i can. "god damn elle, you tryna break my hand?" she laughs. "sorry" i say and let go of it. "no, i didn't say you had to let go. if it helps, go ahead" she offers her hand once again and i grab it. "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" i cuss under my breath and squeeze billie's hand once again. mum finally gets it on and i thank her. "no problem. i'm sorry it was so painful" she frowns. "it's okay. billie, is your hand alright?" i ask, seeing her shaking it. "yeah, i can move it. should be fine" she shrugs. "when's your show?" i question. "two days" she answers. "interview tomorrow?" "yeah."

there's a sad look on billie's face. i can tell she's absolutely exhausted. she needs someone to help get her through this. she always told me that she couldn't do it without me and i didn't believe her. she looks so, so tired. physically and emotionally. i hate seeing her like this. yet she still puts on a smile and pretends like everything is okay.

"we should talk."