The New Normal

Chapter Forty Eight

I didn't know what to do. Not only did I lose it on Tyler for something that happened in the past, but I've been snapping at everyone because of my stupid birthday.

It was a half-hour walk from the school to my house and nearly over an hour walk to the cafe. For whatever reason, I craved a longer walk, letting my anger motivate me the whole way to my work.

When I walked inside, Crystal was leaning against the counter, reading a pamphlet for the school Tyler had gotten accepted to. In New York. Where he wanted to go. With me. My stomach twisted in knots all over again.

Crystal's eyes tore from the magazine onto me, her brow arched. "I see my son's habit for skipping school has rubbed off on you."

I knew she was kidding, her smile playful, but I burst into tears nonetheless. Crystal dropped the pamphlet and made her way around the counter, wrapping her arms around me. "Oh, hun, what's going on?"

She sat me down on the chair closest to us and I silently thanked the universe there was no one here to witness my meltdown. I wiped my tears despite them keep pouring. "Everyone wants to know what I want to do for my birthday but all it does is remind me of Tristan and how he isn't here. He isn't here. He isn't going to graduate, he isn't going to college or get married or do anything he wanted to do because he is gone."

Another sob broke out of me, my chest tight. Crystal rubbed circles on my back, letting me let everything out. "And I freaked out at Tyler. Everything was going so well with us and then for the past couple of days I've been a complete monster. He doesn't deserve that."

"Oh, hush," Crystal said, waving her hand to the side. "My son has made a fair share of mistakes that have hurt you in past. But he grew and he learned from them. You are grieving your brother. Grief..." she sighed. "Grief is a tricky thing, Juliet. There's no right or wrong way to do it. Somedays are great and others are terrible. Right now, you're going through the terrible ones. Tyler understands that. But may I offer you a piece of advice?"

I nodded my head and Crystal took my hand in hers. "Let him in. Tell him how you're feeling. He may not understand in the same way, but he lost Tristan too. Grief is hard. But it doesn't need to be lonely. And celebrating your birthday doesn't mean you are forgetting Tristan. Do something that not only makes you happy, but something in memory of him."

My tears slowed, and that pent up feeling of grief, although still present, didn't feel as urgent, as heavy as it did. I was grateful for Crystal. My father never was great with the hard subjects and my mother died long before hard subjects were something I had to deal with. At least, in a way, Crystal was there. I smiled a little bit, the action feeling strange after crying so much only moments before. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, dear," she smiled kindly, her eyes crinkling in the corners. "If you ever need anyone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, I'm here."

***

Crystal let me work in the back for the rest of the day, but I had to admit, it was pretty lonely without Tyler. Most of the work I did was frosting cupcakes for a small party the cafe was catering later that night.

I was putting on the finishing touches of a mediocre looking cupcake, seeing as I did not have the same skill as Tyler with decorating,  I heard the doors swing open. "I think I'm improving, but not by much."

A chuckle sounded behind me, a chuckle that certainly did not belong to Crystal. I dropped the pipe bag and turned slowly. Tyler stood behind me, his expression troubled, as if he didn't know what to say.

"I'm-"

We both started at once. I  shook my head. "You go first."

Tyler took a step forward. "I am so sorry for what happened back then. I was an idiot and I never want to be that person ever again."

"Tyler," I sighed, reaching out for his hand. It was warm in mine. "That was in the past. I shouldn't have thrown it in your face because I know I did things in the past I'm not proud of too and the last thing I would want is someone I love throwing it in my face."

Tyler shook his head, squeezing my hand tightly. "But it hurt you."

"Not back then," I said softly. "Back then, I was too worked up about Blake to give a crap about what you did. I think I just-" I paused, searching for the words. "I was angry today because I miss Tristan and I hate the idea of celebrating our birthday when he can't. And then I remembered that party and I got jealous thinking about you with another girl and how I've only ever been with Blake-"

"Hey," he said, his hand letting go of mine, instead, using both of his to cup my cheeks. "I love you. I never felt an ounce of what I feel with you with any of those other girls. I regret every single one of them because if I would have gotten my shit together sooner, if I would have confessed my feelings when I first began to feel them, we would have been together sooner and you wouldn't feel this way." His eyes stared intently into mine. "You are the only one for me, Juliet. And I will do whatever makes you happy. If you don't want to celebrate your birthday, we won't. We can just stay in bed all day and watch movies. If you want to go skydiving, I will be terrified, but I'll do it. Whatever you want."

A tear escaped my eyes and Tyler kissed it away gently. I thought back to mine and Tristan's previous birthdays, thinking about which one we considered the best. I looked back up at Tyler and smiled slightly. "I think I have an idea."