The New Normal

Chapter Six

"Juliet, this isn't up for discussion," my father sighed. "You're going and that's final."

"But dad," I whined. "I don't need it, I'm fine!"

Dad rubbed his stubble and sighed again.

We had finished dinner and were placing the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. We had been arguing about this throughout our meal and still have gotten nowhere. I didn't need to talk about this or anything, I just wanted to be left alone.

Dad placed his hand on top of mine and said, "Sweetie, we had a great loss in this family. Some people heal quicker than others, but it's only been a year. Hell, I still see my therapist and I don't see me not going anytime soon. You're going, whether you feel fine or not."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead and began walking towards the front door. "I expect you in the car in five minutes."

I walked into the new therapist's office and came face to face with a man who barely looked over the age of twenty five. He had long cascading blond hair and wore a large flannel shirt. He was definitely a hipster. Or a lumberjack.

When he noticed me standing at the entrance, he broke out into a grin and held out his hand. "Hey! I'm Dr. Harvey but you can call me Steve."

"Steve?" I tested out. It sounded weird to refer to my therapist by his first name, my last one insisted I call her Dr. Wellman. Looking down, I realized I forgot to introduce myself, taking his hand, I gave him a hesitant smile. "I'm Juliet."

"Nice to meet you, Juliet," Steve smiled. He gestured to the couch that was across from his navy sofa chair. Once I got settled in my seat and Steve got his notebook out, he looked up. "So, I've been informed by your family doctor and your father that you recently moved back from California. How do you feel about that?"

I bit my lip and stared at the elaborate carpet that was under the coffee table that was in between Steve and I. Sighing, I tightened my already too tight ponytail. "Okay, I think?"

"You think?" My therapist questioned. I rolled my eyes. I was too tired to talk about this. About anything. After a moment of silence, I decided my answer.

"Well, in California it didn't feel real. But here it does." When I looked at Steve I could tell he didn't follow so I thought for a moment further to figure out what to say to get him to understand. "Like, in California it didn't feel like it was my life. There was a complete new set of scenery, new people, new house, new school, even new clothes. It was unreal. Then I come back and the reality of it all starts to sink in."

"The reality of your loss?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Yeah. Like, everywhere I turn it's a new memory of Tristan and then it feels I lost him all over again. In California, there was no memories of him, it didn't hurt as much there."

"People mourn differently, Juliet," Steve began. "Some feel the loss immediately and others later, no matter where you are."

He scribbled down something on his yellow notepad. "How has your sleep been?"

"Not good," I answered honestly. As if on cue, I let out a persistent yawn. "I was awake all night last night."

"Nightmares?" Steve asked, looking at me with slight concern.

I shook my head vigorously. "No, I had too much on my mind so I didn't sleep at all." Steve nodded his head and his blond locks fell in front of his eyes, which he quickly brushed behind his ear.

"Have you been on any sleeping medications in the past?"

"Yes," I responded a little too fast. "In California I took an antidepressant, it helped me sleep."

"If I were to speak to your family doctor about going back onto that medication, would you oppose?"

I yawned again and quickly covered it up with my hand. Part of me wanted to say no to the medication, that I would be fine without it; but I know that wouldn't be the smart choice. I needed to sleep and I was too tired to argue, I nodded my head with a small smile. "No, I wouldn't oppose."

"So," my dad began as I slipped into the passenger seat. "How did it go?"

"Pretty good," I answered, not wanting to delve more into the subject. I was too tired and the rest of the session was emotionally exhausting. We drove in silence. Well, kind of. Dad was singing along to the radio, some song by Queen, I think. Although, I could tell Dad was wanting to talk because he'd occasionally look over and open his mouth close it quickly after. When he looked over for the third time in the span of one minute, I sighed. "Yes, Dad?"

"How have you been feeling, kiddo?" I laughed a little at his awkwardness and I leaned my head against the cool window.

"I've been okay. Feels weird to be back. Blake is being clingy, Tyler is still an incredible ass, and I can tell Ariel has been trying to do everything in her power to keep me occupied. It's just we-"

"Weird?" Dad finished for me and I nodded. He continued, "You know JuJube, we all suffered a great loss, you especially. I think Ariel and Blake are just worried for you and want to make sure you're okay. As for Tyler, he was close to Tristan once upon a time. Even though they weren't close before, you know, doesn't mean it didn't affect him either."

He was right. It affected everybody in so many different ways. We all just need to find our new normal.