suicide hotline / phan

42

"Cookies!" Phil orders, and Dan laughs, making his way into the kitchen.

He stares over the cookie recipe, nodding.

"Seems pretty easy"

"This is us, Dan" Phil reminds him. "We aren't exactly masters at this thing"

"It's flour, butter, eggs, sugar and cinnamon, Phil" Dan says, taking the ingredients from the cupboard. "How hard can it be?"

"Don't forget the vanilla extract!" Phil says excitedly, placing the bottle on the counter. "And frosting- we are putting frosting on our cookies"

"You really thought I wouldn't want frosting?" Dan tuts, taking it from the fridge. "Everyone loves frosting"

Phil gets out a large bowl, and they start measuring the ingredients, tipping them into the bowl one by one whilst dan mixes religiously.

"My arm hurts" He says, the mixing definitely classifying as a workout.

"You're barely even doing anything!" Phil laughs, tipping the butter into the bowl.

"It's a strenuous thing, Phil"

"Weak" Phil teases.

"I'm not weak!" Dan pouts, trying to mix harder just to prove his point.

"It's probably because you're a bott-"

"Phil!" Dan gapes, playfully elbowing him in the arm as he chuckles quietly.

"I'm not wrong" Phil says, shrugging.

"Shh, it's done now" Dan says, ignoring Phil's laughter and sighing with relief as he lets the spoon fall against the side of the bowl.

"I'll put it in the fridge" Phil says, placing the bowl in the fridge and getting out small, christmas tree shaped cookie molds.

"They're christmas trees?" Dan exclaims.

"Of course"

"You're so extra" Dan smiles. "How long do we have to wait?"

"An hour" Phil groans, setting a timer on his phone. "Can we put up the tree while we wait?"

"Please" Dan says. "I think standing here waiting for an hour would kill me"

Phil laughs, stepping into the living room and picking up the christmas tree box. Despite his apparent christmas enthusiasm, the tree has lived in that box for the past three years, but that's something Phil would prefer Dan not to know.

After all, he feels more like celebrating now.

He smiles as Dan helps him to pull the branches from the box, placing the base on the carpet and attaching the tree to it. Phil watches as Dan pulls the branches apart, the clear focus on his face making Phil smile wider. Eventually, the tree stands decorated and proud in the corner of their living room, 'Elf' playing on the TV in the background as they admire their work from the sofa.

"That was the first time I've ever put up a christmas tree since I was five" Dan says, smiling sadly.

Phil looks over at him, a frown on his face. And, then, he smiles.

"Now you get to put one up every year" He says, pulling Dan closer towards him.

Dan smiles back, all traces of sadness gone. And then, suddenly, Phil jumps up.

"The star!" He exclaims, grabbing it from a box. "I can't believe we forgot"

Dan laughs, standing up and admiring it. Phil reaches his arm out, placing it in Dan's hand.

"Go on" He says, gesturing to the tree.

"Am I supposed to make a wish or something?" Dan asks, laughing lightly.

"That's only shooting stars unfortunately" Phil chuckles, smiling widely. "But make one anyway"

Dan nods, walking over to the tree and placing the star on the top of the tree.

And, although you're not supposed to, his eyes drift to Phil, and he makes a wish.

"What'd you wish for?" Phil asks.

"Can't tell you" Dan says teasingly. "Or else it won't come true"

Suddenly, a loud sound rings throughout the room, alarming them that twenty minutes had passed, and the cookies were ready. Phil had put the batter into the molds whilst Dan was busy with the tree, and put them in the oven to bake.

"Cookies!" Dan sings excitedly, running toward the kitchen.

"See, I told you they're important!" Phil calls after him, pulling a pair of oven mits onto his hands and taking the tray from the oven.

Dan reaches for the tub of frosting, impatiently popping off the lid and taking a small amount with a spoon.

"Uh uh, not yet" Phil says, shaking his head. "They need to cool"

Dan laughs, putting the spoon into his mouth.

"I know" He says. "It's just good"

"Give me some" Phil says, taking the spoon from Dan's mouth and dipping it back into the tub.

"Phil!" Dan exclaims, grabbing the spoon back- and, in the process, splattering the frosting all over his face.

They both stare at each for a second, open mouthed, before bursting into loud laughter.

"This is so fucking cliche" Dan laughs, reaching a hand to his face to wipe off the frosting.

"No!" Phil shouts, and Dan freezes. "Let me do it the cliche way"

Phil pouts, and Dan rolls his eyes playfully, blushing. Phil leans into Dan, kissing the tip of his nose and cleaning the frosting off in the process. Dan laughs at the cheesiness of the situation, his hand resting on Phil's shoulder as his lips move to his jawline. Dan raises an eyebrow, wondering if Phil's intention really is just to clean off the frosting at this point.

"I don't recall any of the frosting going there, Philip Lester" Dan says, smirking.

Phil rolls his eyes, placing a quick kiss on Dan's cheek and leaning back.

"You're right" Phil says. "It's all gone now"

Dan laughs, turning back to the cookies and scooping out the frosting, taking it in turns with Phil to apply it to the cookies. He sighs, a heavily comforting scent of cinnamon in the apartment. He closes his eyes for a moment, feeling the warmth of the heating, the sound of the movie in the background, taking in another breath of cinnamon... this is what home feels like.

---

hello kiddos

soooo i think the last chapter of this book will be either chapter 44 or 45? u do not understand how sad i am for this to end, i love writing it so much

anywayssss, let me know what you thought of this chapter, they aren't exactly long chapters but any sort of feedback is veryyyy helpful lol

also since we're almost at the end of the story, give me any suggestions you want to see before it ends! i might not use them all, but i can try to fit it in if it fits with the chapter!

anyway ty for reading as alwaysss and ill see u next time

(i should get the new chapter/s out by sunday! don't forget to come read them!)