suicide hotline / phan

13

Note: 13 is an unlucky number, my friends / Warning: gay slurs

*I'm going to stop with the 'this is shitty' warnings now because you're probably tired of it, but.. this is shitty*

~~~

Dan tosses yet another cigarette out of the window, even though he's starting to realise that he needs them a lot less often. But then again, he's learnt to never trust the feeling of happiness. The world isn't kind enough for that. However, maybe... maybe just this once things will be different? After all, he's felt nothing below decent for the past few days, it's as if things are getting back on track. Well, 'back' on track aren't exactly the right words considering he never has been a smooth ride, but things are now starting to become a little more clear. For once he wants to get better, for once the light seems more welcoming than the dark and for once he has reason to live. Maybe he isn't hopeless after all. He smiles and stands up, shutting the window gently and only gaining more hope as he realises this is the first time he's smiled without Phil's presence.

~~~

"Hey Danny" Phil smiles as Dan walks into the kitchen, taking his medication after finding it in the kitchen cupboard- it's new home so that Phil could make sure he took them at breakfast.

Phil can't describe things as any less than perfect. His anxiety is morphing into a more proud feeling as he watches Dan slowly recover, becoming less reliant on feeling sad and instead enjoying the moments he's happy, not waiting for the next time he falls. He feels Dan's arms slip around his waist and he smiles; he can tell just from a simple action that Dan is in a good mood.

"Didn't I tell you not to call me that?" He says, teasingly.

"Yes, but I don't listen"

"Shut up"

"Make me"

And this time, Dan places his hand against the back of Phil's head to pull him into a kiss, smiling into it. When they finally break apart Phil sighs.

"We have no milk left" (Intense flashbacks to the milk fic)

"It's okay, you know I won't eat" Dan says, shrugging slightly. He may be slowly recovering, but nothing is going to take away how awful he feels when he eats more than a slice of bread.

"Well, I'm going to make you eat" Phil sighs, hating the fact that Dan has to struggle with an eating disorder among everything else on his plate. He could never imagine what it feels like to not want to eat, fearing that it'll make you physically disgusted with yourself.

"I'll go get the milk, I have money in my pocket" Dan says, kissing Phil on the cheek and turning to head out of the door.

"Wait!" Phil shouts, running over to him before he has the chance to leave. "Are you sure you can go alone? I mean, I know you don't-" He began, not wanting to push Dan too much out of his comfort zone.. after all, they couldn't go back to square one. Not now.

"Shh, I'm sure" Dan interrupts. He won't admit that he feels slightly nervous in case anyone sees his scars and says something, but that's not important. It has to be overcome at some point.

"Sure?"

"Sure" Dan smiles, and walks to the door. "I'll be back soon!"

"Bye, I love you!" Phil calls out.

"I love you too" Dan replies, and closes the door behind him.

~~~

*DANS POV*

I hear laughing from behind me, and I try to block it out, shoving my hands further into my pockets.

They aren't talking about you, they aren't talking about you.