suicide hotline / phan

31

heyo :) just to say, this chapter will be time skipping a lot and switching POV a lot also, so it may be a little hard to keep up aha, but let me know how you like it or don't like it! (oh also, this is a super long chapter for you guys lol, i hope you like it :))

*PHIL'S POV*

(present)

I slowly pad across the hospital floor, an uncomfortable gown draping over my shoulders and almost reaching my feet. The floor is cold and I shudder, a sour mixture of anxiety and fear creeping its way up my throat. I take a deep breathe, the air seeping down my throat and almost causing me to choke. My whole body is shaking, my heart thudding and my mind racing. I remind myself not to be scared, to be brave, to remember.

This is for Dan.

~~~

*THIRD PERSON*

(one day ago)

Dan's phone lights up.

Phil stares at it for a moment, hesitantly raising his trembling hand to stare at the screen with red eyes.

MUM: Dan, i'm sorry. please just tell me if you're okay.

Phil's eyesbrows knit together in confusion as he reads the message over and over. Had he missed something?

The last he'd heard, Dan's mother hated him. She'd told him that he was a terrible son- a disappointment, a burden. She was glad that he'd left the house.

But now? Now she's asking if he's okay?

Bullshit.

Abosoloute bullshit.

Maybe she should've asked that a few months ago, a few years ago, when her son was clearly suffering, trying to kill himself, self harming...

Phil shakes his head, his eyes filled with anger at how she'd only bothered to check up on Dan now. now. Why fucking NOW?

"Are you alright?" The Nurse sitting opposite asks him, carefully removing the needle from his arm that'd been slowly collecting his blood.

"Um, yeah, just his Mum" Phil says quietly, trying to mask the upset in his voice. "She wants to know if he's okay"

The Nurse smiles sadly, taking a breath.

"It must be hard knowing that your son tried to hurt themselves this badly" She says, tossing the container of blood into a plastic bag. "How's she taking the news?"

Phil sits for a second, his mouth hanging open slightly as he thinks.

He hasn't told her.

Her son is dying, and he hasn't told her.

Was that bad? I mean, she's a shitty mother but she deserves to know, right?

fuck.

he has to tell her.

"Sorry, could I just have a minute?" Phil breathes, rising from his seat and walking out of the room, Dan's phone held tight in his grip.

The cold air hits his face as it'd done earlier, causing the dried tears to sting his swollen skin.

It's hard.

It's so hard to live knowing that everything might fall apart with a single touch.

Everything feels so delicate, so fragile, like painted glass held on the edge of a knife, like a feather held above a hot lighter. He knows that Dan could slip from his grip at any second, that everything could shatter within a few seconds, that he could lose the only person he's ever needed.