Dustin is my first love.
First boyfriend, first love.
Meron kasing first boyfriend pero hindi first love. With Dustin, he's my both.
We exchanged letters after that. Constant and scheduled. Hindi malinaw kung kelan ko siya sinagot because of the delay in mail system pero official kaming dalawa.
Sa bata kong puso, he's everything i wished for. Guwapo (super guwapo), matalino (no nonsense) at super super sweet. He likes archie so much. He wants to be engineer or architect. He wants to study in UP.
He made me happy kahit LDR.
He made me believe that first love never dies.
He made me hope that nothing will come between us.
But like a normal relationships, we fight. We fight over delayed lletters, promises not kept. And most importantly, we fight over frustration of not being together. Naging issue ang distance. Suddenly hindi na enough yung mga sulat. And part of growing up is outgrowing of habits na hindi na significant.
Minsan lang kami magkita. Its either i go to his school, or he visits me in my school. O sa mga events or contests na pareho kami kasali. We met new people in our lives. Lumalaki ang mundo namin, sumisikip ang para sa aming dalawa.
We were in third year high school when i bloomed to be a modern teenager. Nag iba ako ng image. From goody goody to modern one. I become more popular (good and bad, ok mostly bad) and jammed with different set of friends na mga kulang din sa aruga.
I always have a hard time following rules pero mas lumala. Gusto kong maiba. To set a different note para mas mapansin. Siguro alam kong may problema na sa relasyon namin pero mas malala ang phase na pinagdadaanan ko. I wanted to try new things. And no one can make me stop.
Nobody at school knew that i am in a relationship. Suitors come and i entertain some of them. Hindi nya naman alam. Kaya ok lang. Its entertaining to be pursued in person. Rebellious as i was before, hindi ko na siya inisip para ayusin ang issue naming dalawa.
I didnt know that we are both struggling to whatever issues we have with our personal life. Hindi na kami nag uusap tulad ng dati. Madalang na ang sulat.
At hindi na ako nagtaka when one day, i learned that he's having an affair. With his bestfriend. Daw.
Her name is Nathalie. She's beautiful. And brainy too. And rich.
Nakilala ko na siya early on. Bestfriend nga kasi diba. Sa mga pagkakataon na pumupunta ako sa school nila to visit, lagi siyang nakasunod kay Dustin. Minsan third wheel pa siya pag kumakain kami sa labas.
As pure as my love for him maybe, hindi ko inisip na mahuhulog siya sa babaeng to at magugulo ang mundo niya. Although she's a catch i know but she's the bestfriend nga diba. Platonic dapat.
Pero yun nga, he fell in love with her. Deeply in love. To the point na siya na yung sunod ng sunod sa kanya. To the point that he ruined his good standing in school just to be with her.
He put me in a hanging situation. Kami pa ba? Wala namang break up. Ano yung nangyari?
I was hurting pero hindi ko mailabas kasi wala namang kaming pag uusap. Wala namang away na nangyari tungkol kay Nathalie. Walang confrontation. Walang sagot sa mga tanong. Lalo na sa tanong na ano na?
Pinakamasaklap siguro sa isang katulad ko yung maiwan sa ere na hindi ko alam kung saan lulugar. Life goes on kahit na ang hirap. Lumipas ang mga araw na wala ng sulat. Wala ng pasabi. Pero umaasa pa rin ako na isang araw lilitaw siya sa harap ko para makapag usap kami. At matapos na ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.
