Ricch Vibes

Breaking point

Dee pov

Once I had enough credits for my AA I switched to online classes because I was receiving too much attention on campus and it made me feel uncomfortable because everybody knew me as Roddy's girl and would just stare at me. I also felt unsafe because I caught someone following me home and I was so scared I called Roddy and he told me to take four left turns to see if they were actually following me and once I figured out that they were he told me to go to Walmart and he had some of his security pick me up. After that incident there was no going back. Roddy wouldn't let me go to school with out security following me so I just decided to take online classes instead.

Even though me and JonJon no longer had classes together we still kept in touch. We still took the same classes and he stayed needing help so we'd FaceTime or meet up at his place because Roddy didn't want him here at all. Sometimes we'd hang out just to hang out because I got tired of always being the third wheel with Nomi and Chris whenever Roddy was gone and he was gone most of the time. Although he'd be in L.A he would go days without being home and I totally understood because I know that he needed to make his music and that he was now considered famous or well known so he'd go to plenty of interviews and other shit that famous people do.

I decided that I didn't want to be in the spotlight with him because it was honestly not my thing. I don't like to be the center of attention because it makes me nervous. I just wanted him to let it be known that he has a girl and that he's taken that is it and that is all and Roddy made sure that people knew because he would post me occasionally on his snap or insta story and he never tagged me but some of his fans still managed to find my pages.

I was just in bed doing nothing literally just staring at the wall while listening to my sappy music and I was just thinking. I was thinking about life and just everything I've went through.

Heaven by Beyoncé played and it made me think of Tyrone. What started off as small quiet cries turned into something unexplainable. When he died I only cried the day I found out and at his funeral and after that I was ok but every since we hit his one year mark I've just been crying out of nowhere or I'd have random urges to cry. I didn't know what was wrong with me all I knew was that I was hurt.

"Tyrone" I said and I just imagined him being here with me.

"Why didn't you just stay in the fucking house?" I questioned getting mad

"Why didn't you call the police before you called me?"

"Why the fuck where you out the house"

"I just don't understand" I said rubbing my temples because I was getting a headache.

I just wish I had a chance to see him again and I wish I would have picked up his phone call. I always wondered if we had never moved would he still be here or if we would have dated would he still be here.

I just layed in bed and cried as hot tears fell from my eyes. I reached for my phone and turned off the music because it wasn't making things any better it was actually making it worse. I decided to pull out my journal and I just wrote my thoughts and feelings down.

I don't know I feel lost. I feel like my heart literally fell to the ground. Tyrone you were my best friend and we've known each other ever since we were babies literally. I feel like I lost a part of me and I hate that as much as I loved you I wasn't able to love you the way you loved me. I feel like this is the worst thing I've ever gone through and I just feel lonely because there's so many things that were left unsaid between us. I'm doing everything I can to stay sane but I feel like I'm going crazy. This is so hard

"MAAN FUCK THIS SHIT!" I said tearing the paper and I stomped on it. I was just so angry at God at myself at the bitch ass nigga who killed him. I was so glad that he was in jail and I hoped he got booty rapped in that bitch for all the pain he caused me and Tyrone's family.

I decided to FaceTime  Tavon because I needed someone to talk to.

"Wassup DeeDee.. wait what's wrong?" He questioned

"I miss your brother" I admitted as I continued to cry and I started to rub on my eye

"Me too that shit ain't get no better" he sighed

"Are you busy I just want to talk to you" I said and my lip started to tremble

"Yeah I always got time for you. If you need me to come over there then I'll be on the next flight" he said and I laughed a little

"He used to tell me that all the time" I said

"Yeah he really cared about you DeeDee" he said

"I cared about him too. I feel like his death changed me for the worse. I feel lost you know I stopped praying I just stopped doing everything. Every since his 1 year mark came around I've just been feeling different you know?" I said

"What you mean different?" He questioned

"I'm just sad all the time and I'm just emotional"

"You're grieving DeeDee I told you that if you didn't let it all out then you'd eventually reach your breaking point and you'd have no control over it"

"You think if we never moved he'd still be alive?" I questioned

"DeeDee" he said staring at me

"You think if I would have came back to Florida for college he'd still be alive?" I questioned

"Stop trying to make this your fault DeeDee he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time alright. It's nobody but the bitch ass nigga that shot him fault"

"You look like him" I said

"No he look like me" he said and I cracked a smile

"I miss you" I said

"I miss you too. When you gon come back to Florida cause my moms keep talking bout you"

"Tomorrow I'ma book a flight there cause it just be me here and I don't want to be myself" I said

"You don't need to be by yourself but you dead ass bout tomorrow?" He questioned

"Yes" I said getting my computer and I searched online for ticket prices and I bought the  earliest flight  because a visit to Florida was long overdue.

We ended up talking on the phone the rest of the day and we fell asleep on the phone too. I felt better once I got everything off my chest.
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