Herondale High

Chapter 57- A Day We'll Never Forget (Part 2)

Magnus' P.O.V.

After Josette left my room, I had a lot of time to think and I realized that she was right. I was punishing Alec. I think I knew that I was but I didn't want to think about it because it was easier to blame him and pretend that he overreacted rather than acknowledging that the whole fight was my fault. As soon as I came to that conclusion I knew what I had to do. I had to talk to Alec. I wanted to talk before school but when I glance at the clock I realize that I took a long time to reach that conclusion and I need to get to class. 

Throughout the whole beginning half of the day, I think about Alec and what I am going to say and when I see Alec getting his stuff out for his class before lunch I can't help but go up to him. It takes a bit of convincing but I finally get him to agree to skip class so we can talk. I lead him to a corridor near the cafeteria that is being renovated or at least it's closed for renovation they just have yet to actually do any yet, so I know nobody will find us. We stand there for a while as I try and think of how to start what I need to say. I can hear the kids that have lunch this period yelling and having a good time. "So what did you want to talk about?" Asks Alec, seemingly nervous.

"Us, Alexander, I want to talk about us." I see confusion flash across his face. He opens his mouth to say something but I stop him. "I was wrong. I should have told you about Josette and then I most definitely shouldn't have lied about it but, I was scared. I knew you were angry about me keeping secrets so my mind rationalized that lying would make it better. That you would believe me over Josette and then I got irrationally angry that you hadn't." 

"I don't understand."

"Of course you don't Alexander and that's ok but I need you to listen to what I am about to say. I'm not good at talking about feelings. I most certainly am not good at letting people in. The last person I tried to let in was Camille and seeing as how close you are to Josette I'm sure you heard how that ended." He nods his head. "I think that's what made Josette and me so good with each other, we both had trouble letting people in so we barely noticed that the other was doing the same thing. But you have to understand why I didn't tell you about Josette okay?" We both stand there for a moment looking at each other before he prompts me to continue.

"Why didn't you tell me Magnus," he whispers.

I don't know why but I can't look at him as I say this so I turn away and stare down the long, abandoned corridor. "My mom and my stepfather died the summer before last. My father is a businessman of sorts and I never had a close relationship with him. My mother had been unfaithful to my stepfather to conceive me and he thought of me as an abomination but my father isn't a very good man, Alexander. He does bad things and he thinks I am capable of doing those things too but I didn't want to so I lived with my mother instead but after her death, I didn't have a choice. My father had business in Paris so I had to live there and that's where I met Josette. She was the first person I felt I could talk to, even if it did take a while, and she was so... contagious I guess is the only way to describe it. As soon as I met her I wanted to get closer and she just dragged me into her lifestyle. I could see why Jake and Zach were in love with her and when we got 'together' I felt like I was the luckiest guy in the world and the longer I was around her the more I wanted to trust her but the more I was around her the more I realized that she would never love me the way I loved her. She wasn't capable of it and then Camille came and to hide the pain of my realization I left Josette for Camille. If only I knew that Camille was worse. With Josette, at least she made sure I knew where I stood. Camille made me believe she loved me only to use me for her own purposes."

"You're wrong you know, Josie did love you."

"I know she loved me, Alexander, she talked to me this morning, but she admitted that even though she did love me, she wasn't in love with me but I was. That's why I didn't tell you, I was in love with Josette. Maybe that's why I fell so hard for Camille because deep down I knew her and Josette were more similar than she let on."

I look at Alec to gauge his reaction. I thought he might be angry at me for having been in love with Josette, angry that I convinced him to come out at school when the girl who broke my heart was close in my life, angry like he was all those months ago when he said I didn't understand what he would be risking if he came out, but all I see is understanding. He opens his mouth to speak but the bell signaling lunch cuts him off. He looks at me shocked and I have to admit I share the reaction. I guess neither of us realized how long we had been talking. I thought maybe he would try to leave get to lunch, but he doesn't move he just looks at me before saying what I assume he was about to before the bell.

"I kissed Josette last night."

I feel myself deflate as I respond, "I know."

"So she told you then?"

"She didn't have to I saw it."

"Oh, well after I kissed she said somethings about me using her to go back to who I was before you and I realized that she was wrong. I didn't kiss her because I wanted to go back to hiding who I was because I don't I kissed her because she has this addictive personailty. I knew as soon as I started hanging out with her. I was never much of a drinker but I've been drunk moer times this month than I have my entire life before this year. I've gotten better grades because they are so important to her they just became important to me, the way that she says and does things makes them seem like they are correct from the sheer amount of confidence she has so I can't imagine someone who wasn't gay or her brother that can succeed in not falling in love with her. Hell I am gay and I might be a little in love with her so I can't blame you for falling for her because she was pretty adamit when she told me to go out with you when you asked me out so I think she knew that you weren't in lover with anymore and I trust her judgement more than anything."

"Huh," I say.

"What?"

"I just realized that if it weren't for Josette, we would be a mess. She told you to give me a chance the first time and she came to me this morning and reemed me for being an idiot and told me I needed to get over myself." We stare at each other almost in a daze. Perhaps if we hadn't been so busy in our own world we would've heard the loud yelling from the cafeteria, louder than the normal kid shouting across the cafeteria. Then suddenly we are laughing about Josette bringing us together and then we are kissing. I don't know who started it or even how to describe it. It's like I'm on fire but not in a way that I want to get a way. I feel warm all over, like when you go outside during winter and feel all the wind hitting you freezing you to your core and then step inside and the heat of your home warms you down to your bones and all you can feel is that warmth and you never want it to go away. That's what it's like to kiss Alec like coming home on a winter day. I want to stay in this moment forever, if only I knew how much I would think that later, but suddenly we are interuppted by a loud noise from the cafeteria. So loud it hurts both our ears, a sound I've never heard before and one I hope I'll never hear again. 

Yay!!! Malec is back together. But what was the sound? ~Jess😘😍