SNL 2020

Fuck This Shit

Qing is mad.

(Can you blame Baba?)

No. No, I don't blame him. And I know that my boyfriend is more hurt than he is angry. I mean, we all know Qing...his pride and ego and all. It's a mess. I'll admit that much. This situation we have right now is a mess.

And the worse part is we don't have the courage yet to tell our family and friends what's happening to us. I mean, Qing didn't even warn anyone that he will propose to me. I thought he will at least ask some of his friends opinion on this. Or even our Baba. Or his sister or Wang Zhu gege. I don't know. We just fought about it on those one instance that I gathered enough balls to call him.

Me: (pacing on the living room as I talk to Qing on the phone) You just proposed! You just went down on one knee and proposed! Who does that? My god!

Qing: Me. I did it! And you said no!

Me: Because I was surprised. I am not ready. I...Qing...

Qing: (tortured moaning) You said you won't marry me...

Oh my god...he cannot get pass that. Shit, this guy...

Me: Look, you are not the first guy who got rejected when he proposed. You'll also probably won't be the last. It happens, Qing.

Qing: (sounding deeply offended) Yeah, to losers! Should I categorize myself as a loser now, Dayu ah?

Me: (amazed that he went there) You are not a loser!

Qing: (hurt tone) Then why do I feel like one? Tell me Dayu ah...why do I feel like the dumbest loser right now?

Ugh...he is killing me. He and his sad tone are killing me. Slowly...

And it's pissing me off.

Me: It's because of your bigger than the universe ego, that's why?! You ego that is not used to hearing no, you jerk!

Note: Qing is not the one being a jerk. It's me...

Qing: (growling) I hate you.

Me: Yeah, I hate myself too. But you know what can make you hate me more? It's if I said yes to your proposal and didn't mean it. If I will wear your ring and look at it and feel guilt because that's not what I really want or need or my head is not in the right space to have it. Trust me...you will hate me more if I did that.

Qing: Yeah. True. But still, I hate you right now.

Me: (temper snapping) Fine, be like that! And by the way, I hate you too! How dare you sprung that proposal and ring on me when I am not yet ready?! How dare you?! You should have warned me. You should have gave me a hint. You should have readied me. And yes! I know that doesn't make any sense because how can it be a surprise proposal if I will have any idea that you will do it but who cares about making sense right now?! You are not here and I am sleeping alone in our bed. You are making me sleep alone in our bed and I hate you for this Wang Qing! Damn you!

Qing: (snorting) You are used to sleeping alone in our bed. What you are not used to is sleeping in our bed with your guilty conscience.

Me: Fuck you.

Qing: (chuckling darkly) Lovely language, my Love. You know what I think, you are lying. You are not sleeping on our bed. You are sleeping on the couch. You know...the place where we put the person who has done something wrong.

I stared at the couch with the pillows and the blanket I used the night before. How did he...?

Damn him!

I couldn't think of a fast reply for what he said. It seems to me like Qing knows me too well. Or he has a secret camera that he installed in our living room to spy on me...

(Dayu ah!)

Oh never mind. Fine! Qing won't be that crazy. If anyone will install a camera in our place, that will be me. I am the crazy one! I'm the one who rejected his boyfriend's proposal anyway. So yeah, I am the insane one! Happy now?!

Fuck this shit!

Qing: (noticing my pause) I got it right, didn't I? You are sleeping on the couch...

I laughed because what else can I do? And since Qing has decided to run me over with that, I decided to hit him back. In a more cruel fashion.

Me: You are wrong. You are so wrong about me. You are wrong about so many things that's why you got a no from me and still has that little box with your ring in it. This is why you got rejected Qing, you haven't figure me out yet and...

I stopped when I heard Qing's breath hitching on the other line. I braced myself for his crueler response but Qing let out a tired sigh.

Qing: Screw you, Feng Jian Yu. Enjoy the couch.

Then the line went dead.

I sagged on the maligned couch and threw my phone at the end of it.

So that went well.

(Ahm...Dayu ah...)

I know. I know! It's a disaster. So maybe now you will understand why I am sticking with messaging and texting your Baba instead of calling him. Typed words can be deleted and rewritten, blurted out words will be harder to take back. A spoken word is harder to swallow back, as the saying said.

Anyways, that's what's happening right now. Qing is in Jin's place, I am alone in our love nest. Welcome to fucking 2020, everyone. Welcome...

Fuck this shit!