Supernatural Imagines

Imagine #40

     Imagine: Dean admitting his feelings and you refuse to believe him

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     I sat in the library of the bunker, pretending to work while I thought about how the last hunt went down. The monster we were fighting was a god, who could read minds and hearts. And she told me how Dean felt about me, that he loved me. Now I'm just confused about everything.

     Footsteps approaching me pulled me out of my trance. I looked up from my bright computer and saw Dean was coming toward me. I sighed, knowing what was coming. He stood over me on my left side and I didn't look up at him.

     "You know what I'm gonna say," Dean said, and I nodded.

     "..I know," I whispered, shutting my laptop.

     "...Look, I uh," He said. "I never wanted you to find out that way. I was gonna tell you eventually. Maybe we should talk about it."

     "Talk about what?" I scoffed, looking at him awkwardly. "Dean, there isn't anything to talk about."

     "What do you mean?" He said, and I sighed, standing up despite the pain in my leg.

     "Dean, that thing was just messing with us," I chuckled nervously, and he furrowed his eyebrows. "She lied. She said that and she made you believe it was true and now we're all confused."

     "..No, no," He said. "Y/N, i-it's true. I..I think I love you."

     "No you don't," I laughed. "Dean, this is ridiculous. It's just a phase, it'll pass."

     "Don't you think I would know?" He said. "I knew long before that case. Y/N, I don't think it's gonna pass."

     "Well then make it pass," I said, looking at him, wide-eyed.

     "Why is it so bad that I feel this way?" Dean asked. "If you don't feel the same, just say it."

     "No, it's not like that," I said.

     "Then how is it?" He interrogated, frustrated. "Why does it bother you that I could be in love with you?"

     "Because you're not," I said. "You can't be in love with me."

     "What, you think I'm lying?" He said.

     "No, I think you're imagining things," I responded. "You're not in love, Dean. Especially not with me."

     "Why is it so hard for you to believe I'm in love with you?" Dean asked.

     "Because nobody loves me!" I snapped, taking a deep breath. "No one does, Dean, because love? It isn't real. Besides, I'm not the lovable type, I never have been."

     "What the hell are you talking about?" Dean questioned, seeming concerned.

     I looked at him, thinking about the past all over again. My eyes got slightly teary. I shook my head and looked down.

     "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..yelled like that," I tried to change the subject. "I just, I really don't wanna talk about this right now, ok?"

     "Y/N, what's wrong?" Dean's voice became softer as he took a few steps closer.

     "I just..I," I stuttered, looking him in the eyes. "...I don't wanna be in love because last time I was in love with someone, I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again."

     "Why?" He said. "Haven't you ever wanted something more?"

     "No, not after..what happened to me," I told him, and he needed more than that. "...I fell in love with the wrong guy. I was young, and stupid, and I thought it was meant to be."

     "What changed your mind?" He said.

     "..He turned out to be a demon," I said, refusing to let tears fall as I looked away. "And he killed my brother. You wanna know what that was like? I lost everything, Dean. Everything. I had to pick myself up, and that wasn't fair."

     I took a shaky breath. A tear drizzled down one of my flushed cheeks. I shook my head and looked back up at him.

     "If something were to happen, and I fell into that dark place again..." I practically whispered. "Dean, I can't be alone like that again. I can't be broken that way again. Which is why I hate how I lo-...How I love you."

     He just looked at me, saddened by the story. I sighed and grabbed my laptop.

     "I should go," I said, trying to leave the library.

     I walked past him and only got a few steps away before he reached back and grabbed my arm. He turned his head and we looked at each other again. Before I could pull away, he pulled me toward him and kissed me, cupping my face. I set my laptop down and kissed him back. After a minute, we pulled away, and he rested his forehead against mine, and I set my hands on his arms.

     "I could never hurt you," He told me. "Y/N, all I've ever wanted to do was protect you. Nothing bad will happen to you, I promise."

     "Dean, I can't lose you," I said, voice cracking.

     "You won't," He used his thumbs to wipe away my tears.

     He pulled me closer and I shoved my face against his shoulder, sobbing quietly. He soothed the back of my head and just held me. He rested his chin on the top of my head and did his best to shush me.