The Hidden Truth

37.

It was hard for me to get over him, it was really hard. I still couldn't get my head  around the fact that I can't wake up beside him or he will never come back home to me.

It was even harder trying to explain to my baby why her dad left us, her face contoured into one of the most painful I have ever seen. My heart broke all over again. I never want her to experience this but I guess my bad luck was washing off on her.

I wiped my tears furiously wondering just where I went wrong, what I did wrong. Was I really really that unlucky? Just when I thought my life was getting better no more pains just pure bliss. I guess fate isn't really on my side.

"Laney"? Ken called out softly I heard his steps getting closer to the bed, he perched himself beside and I felt the bed dipped. He moved strands of hair out of my face.

"You need to put something in your belly Laney". He said.

Ever since I left his house without him telling me to and him not chasing after me when I did, once I was out of the gate I called Ken he came right away to pick me up. All I could do on the way back to his place was to cry and cry. He never asked me what went wrong and I was grateful for that, I told him on my own and he listened, he listened quietly, he told me he might have his own reasons to do so, but I couldn't think of anything wrong that I have done, I just couldn't I have never done things he doesn't like. I have always been cautious. The more I think the harder it became for me.

"I know how you feel". Ken's voice brought me out of my reverie. "I know, but it's not the end of the world Laney you need to be strong for yourself and your daughter, she needs you, I need you Laney". He kissed my hair softly and left.

---------------
I came out of the room after washing off my face they still looked puffy but I will manage. I saw my baby with Ken she had her doll on her hand while Ken was stroking her hair softly.

"I miss my momma". That broke my heart was I really nursing my own heart I forgot about her? Was I becoming my mother? God no!

I rushed over to her side and immediately she saw me she stood up, I took her in my arms and embraced her. God I missed her. "I am so sorry baby".

Her own small arms circled around my neck, she had let go of her doll. Her small sniffles could be heard when she wrapped her arms around me. "I miss you too momma, I am sorry if.. ".

"Don't say that baby, I am sorry please forgive me". I pulled her more into my body. "I am so sorry". I whispered over and over again.

From my peripheral vision I saw as Ken gave us space. I was internally grateful for that. She let go of me but I held her close to me. I occupied the couch she was once on with Ken. I placed her on my laps. "Baby". I moved her hair out of her face. She is her father's photocopy, I never looked at her and regret no, anytime I look at her, my love for her increased to a million folds.

"Momma". Her grey eyes stared at mine, they welled up with unshed tears.

"Are you okay now"? She asked softly fidgeting with her tiny fingers. My God. How can I be so irresponsible and leave my little girl all by herself? She wasn't alone, but still she needed me and I wasn't there.

"I am now baby". I ran my fingers through her hair. "And I am sorry so so so much, will you forgive mommy"?

Her whole face lit up, she made a small tiny laugh, my heart melted I love this girl, I love her so much no matter what I went through or about to go through if I have her by my side all is well.

She hugged me again and I did the same holding her tightly to my body. My whole wide world.

We chatted over things that I have missed, we played cards, I let her mess up my hair, I chased her round the house, I cooked for us me her and Ken before we all finally retired for the night.

I took her in my arms after I had given her a shower, she wore her pyjamas and climbed into the covers. As I was about to leave her small hand held mine.

"Momma"?

I turned around placing myself beside her. "Yes baby, what's wrong"?

"Why are we not with daddy? Did he leave me"? Her voice cracked, her lips trembled.

I couldn't let her see how much her words affected me, how much her words pierced my heart,  she doesn't deserve this. "Baby". I sat her up pulling her close to me. "You did nothing wrong, he didn't leave you. He's just busy".

"Then why are we not in his house"? Now that was where I couldn't answer, I racked my brain to find something to say, anything but I couldn't.

"That's because he wants to move you guys into a new house with a bigger play house and many dolls oh and unicorns".  Ken said. I didn't realize he was close by but I was grateful for that. He face lit up, she bit her bottom lip. "Really? Unicorns? Yes! Yes"!! She squealed bouncing on my laps.

"Yes Imelda, now go to bed and dream about them". Ken took her from my laps and placed her back on the bed, he kissed her forehead, bid her goodnight, turned off the lights and left the room.

I exhaled as soon as we got out, my heart was aching though I was equally grateful for now, the lies would work but for how long?

"Don't think too much either Laney, it's for the best. You will see, get some sleep I will see you tomorrow".

I retreated back to my room sat on the bed, now that I was alone I thought about him and no matter how I thought about this, my head couldn't wrap around the fact that we ended.

But I had my daughter to care about, so that was what I would do.

I got into the covers shut my eyes and couldn't sleep the whole night.