The Hidden Truth

36.

All my life I have known pain the only happiness I experienced was when I had my baby and Ken into my life then my boss. I have craved happiness since when I was little I have craved someone to love me, someone to check up on me, someone to care for me no matter how little.

It got to a point I wondered maybe I did something wrong in my life to deserve all that have been happening in my life. So, when he came walked into my life for the life of me I was supposed to run and not let him in, I should have. But I was lonely I needed someone to care for me  that is not Ken and my baby girl is still very much  tender. 

That brought us to where my boss someone I trusted with my life, someone I thought we could be together forever. It was like reliving my teenage years when I was left alone.

My heart broke, sank I was on the verge of puking the lunch I had but I had to hold it in and listen to him talk.

"Laney, baby, please I want you to understand t_".

"Why"? My voice came out feeble and weak, tired and exhausted. "Why"? I repeated fixing my gaze on my folded fists.

"Did I do something wrong"? I met his blue eyes that I have grown to see everyday for a while now, the eyes that would be there staring at me before I would wake and that would soften whenever he sees me. That same eyes now is trying to push me away.

His eyes held so much emotions, it is true the eyes are the mirror to a person's soul. The eyes never lies.

"No, not at all. I'm so so sorry baby". He whispered clenching his fists tightly on his laps, it was as if he was itching to hold me, to caress the curves of my body. Even though we haven't been physically intimately involved we shared kisses, and he told to take my time before we could do anything.

I never got the chance to do anything and he was pushing me away already.

"I need to know".

He was silent, his jaw was tight. He ran his fingers through his hair, and gave a tired sigh. "I don't feel for you anymore".

I literally heard my heart breaking all over again, it was hurting real bad I had to place a hand there to try and ease some pains.

"Look at me". My voice cracked I wanted to scream and ask him why but I have no energy left in me.

"Look at me". I demanded when he kept his head down. The eyes are the mirror. They wouldn't lie, they never do. But when his eyes met mine, I gasped I scooted backwards, hugging my body tightly. My heart was breaking, hurting if possible bleeding in my chest.

I couldn't read anything from his eyes, he switched emotions. They looked empty and hard, and emotionless.

"I don't feel for you anymore". He repeated in a robotic voice. I was cold all of a sudden my brain processed what he said over and over again. I recalled all the promises he made, where he told me he wouldn't leave again. What happened?

I stood up and went into the room we shared, I was thankful Imelda was out and wouldn't be back in until the following day. I sat at the edge of the bed and cried, I cried for everything, for letting him in, for trusting him with my life and my child, for the lack of love in my life, for the way I was being treated unfairly. I cried for what seemed hours and eventually I slept off at the same edge of the bed.

When I woke up, I was not longer at the edge of the bed, but in the bed with covers draped over me. Somehow I wished it was all in my dreams that he broke up with me before I couldn't even get to experience real life and love. But the reality remains it wasn't a dream it was real. Whatever he said to me was real and his eyes, his eyes they never lied.

I pulled the cover off my body and head into the bathroom and stared at my reflection my eyes looked puffy and swollen, my skin paled I was becoming weaker in a many of hours, I bit my lower lip as my eyes stung with fresh new tears. I washed my face telling myself to be strong I will over come this, my mom neglected me, Luke raped me, abused me for something I know nothing of, I can overcome this.

When I existed the bathroom, he was there my heart began aching. I just wished somehow it was all a lie, he would come hold me in his arms, kiss my head, my lips and assure me it was all a facade.

I walked past him to the closet I brought out a box he bought for me, for vacation which will never happen. I brought out all my clothes from my peripheral vision I watched him as he watched me arrange all my clothes into the box. I went to Imelda's room and took her clothes too.

What could I possibly tell my baby girl? She has grown so attached to him. I never ever want her to experience what I went through. I never knew my father to begin with, and my mom didn't care. I didn't realize I was crying again until a tear dropped on the box. I quickly wiped it off.

I dragged the box to the door and stood there. I exhaled softly staring at him for the last time. "Thank you". I mumbled.

"Even though I don't know what I did wrong but I am sorry if I have wronged you in anyway".

"Baby". He called out the endearment he gave me softly my heart sank hearing him call me that. He dragged his feet standing close to me.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and I let him, I myself have grown so attached to him so much. "You have no idea how sorry I am". He murmured, I gazed into his eyes, they soften and different emotions ran past his eyes most importantly regret and guilt.

"I love you Laney". I threw my arms around his neck buried my face in his and cried, I don't know how long I was crying or how long I was holding him, but I don't want to let go of him. I don't want wake up in the morning and not perceive his scent, I don't want to go to bed at night without him. I want to stare at his beautiful face and his blue eyes, but instead I was leaving without knowing where, why, or what went wrong.

I detached myself away from stared at him one last time and I dragged my box away without looking back but with each step my heart constricted against my chest almost impossible for me to breath.

"Good bye". I whispered as I made my way out of the gate.