Hurt (Kellic) ON HOLD

Accidents

you've made a mistake loving me

It feels weirdly domestic between me and Vic.

Currently he's humming, hips swaying slightly to the soft buzz coming from his lips, while rolling balls of cookies and pressing them into the cookie sheet.

We are making the second batch of cookies while the first bake in the oven.

It's odd, and I feel like my moves are slow and robotic in comparison to his smooth movements. I try and relax but it feels like every thing I do needs to be calculated as to not break this moment.

Vic suddenly twirls, still rolling a cookie, and slapping it down onto the sheet in one swift movement. He's giggling while I'm staring, body stiff and cautious, wishing, pleading that I could be like him.

He spins towards the sink and runs his hands under it quickly before wiping his hands on his pants, as if he didn't care about the two wet prints on his tan pants. Then he pulls his phone out of his pocket and scrolls for a minute before stopping, tapping, then turning his phone off and placing it back in his pocket.

His phone plays soft beats, playing over and over again, a song I do not recognize starting.

Vic smiles, pushing the full cookie sheet aside as the words to the song begin.

"I wanna pick you up, and scoop you out."

He gestures at me, his lip caught between teeth, chewing as if he were nervous. I hesitantly hold my hands out to him, giving him permission to do what he wants.

Vic's lips raise even more if possible, his movements shy and cautious as he closes the distance between us and begins to dance with me.

My heart seizes, I feel cold rush through my body and my hands must be shaking because his already loose grip goes slack as he places my hands on his hips and his on my shoulders.

We are standing motionless, his calm eyes stare into my anxious ones, he nods his head, and I stare back confused.

"I want you to lead," he says, voice soft and calculated. "You're in control, nothing can happen that you don't want then."

I feel a blush rise to my cheeks, and despite how nervous I feel I take a step, putting us back in motion.

I can tell the chorus of the song has already started as I lead us in a slow circle, and even though I know this is awkward and weird but Vic is grinning so wide at me, and I would give anything if I could return the way he made me feel by just that look.

"Oh, I'm so human."

I hesitantly grab Vic's hand from my shoulder, intertwining our fingers as we continue the slow movements throughout the kitchen, and with a wave of confidence I spin him.

He giggles, light and airy, and my insides feel like fireworks. His hands find their way back to my shoulders and suddenly I realize how close we are.

I'm looking into his eyes and we are so close, if I were to just lean in, we would be kissing.

I wouldn't mind if he kissed me.

With that thought I feel ill. I'm not supposed to like Vic, I shouldn't like anyone. All they will do is hurt me.

I don't even realize I've stopped moving until I feel Vic's thumb lightly brush over my cheek.

My eyes flutter as I look at him again, his face full of concern. His eyes are studying me, his soft lips are curled into a frown. And oh, do I want to press my lips against his so he could never frown again.

I bite my lip, taking a shaky breath. And I almost do it, but something inside me doesn't allow it. It's as if I'm worried I'll ruin something. Ruin the soft moment that we have, as if I kiss him I'll break the spell and he'll realize how worthless I am.

I feel a soft pair of lips on mine and I gasp, eyes wide and body stiff. I find my hands gripping tight onto his shirt, holding on as if I let go he would disappear.

I hesitantly close my eyes, and kiss back, his hands hesitantly moving from my neck to my hair, and I shiver as his fingernails gently scratch my scalp.

I'm about to pull him closer when the alarm on the oven goes off, the first batch of cookies is done.

We both jump back, my hands leave his shirt, his leave my hair, as we both stare at each other blankly. The alarm beeps again, pulling us from our trance as I rush towards the oven and swap sheets, taking the cooked one out and the other one in.

After I finish and reset the timer I turn around to Vic, the room quiet now, his music turned off and the oven silent.

"Sorry," he mumbles, breaking the silence and bringing me into reality. The air feels thick and fake, as if nothing around me was actually happening, as if I was dreaming. "I shouldn't have done that."

His words shake me, and suddenly I'm afraid he didn't want it, he was just doing it to make me feel better, all he wanted was for me to stop being all annoying and sad.

"It's whatever." I lie, not looking up at him, worried my expression will betray me. "It didn't mean anything anyway."

"Right," he says, his smile returning, though it doesn't look as natural anymore. "Let's go back to baking?"

"Yeah."

And fuck, I would give anything to go back just 3 minutes ago, with Vic humming and twirling around the room. There is nothing remaining of the past, even the wet prints on Vic's pants have begun to fade, just like the calming feeling of this afternoon, it's just disappearing, no remnants to prove it ever happened.

(Vic's POV)

"You did what?" Mike yells at me, only making me feel worse about this pitiful situation.

"I don't know what I was thinking!" I exclaim, running my hands roughly through my hair. "I panicked!"

"That doesn't make any sense? You kissed him and then told him you didn't mean it." He groans, rolling his eyes at me. "Why wouldn't you just admit how you feel?"

"I don't know."

He frowns, then pulls me into a hug, and I'm crying and shaking. I haven't hurt like this in a while.

"It's okay," he whispers, rubbing my back. "You can fix this, it'll be okay."

I'm still crying, his words doing nothing for me as I sob, snot getting onto his sweater as I gasp helplessly into him. I'm so stupid, I should have just told him how I felt.