Hurt (Kellic) ON HOLD

Breathless

I'd still love you with your hands around my throat

It was warm enough anyways in our school without me needing to wear a long sleeve shirt to hide bruises. Our school always seemed to be weirdly warm and not having the option to take off a hoodie was going to make life terrible.

I was walking to school when I got a text from Daniel.

'I'm sorry babe, forgive me?'

I don't even have to think about accepting the apology, it was my fault so of course I would take him back.

'Of course, don't worry about it, I love you.'

I send back, putting my phone back in my pocket and continue walking into school. I get to my locker to put my code into the lock. Halfway through someone taps me lightly on the shoulder.

I jump in surprise and fear, flipping around stuttering out apologies, not wanting to piss off Daniel.

"Why are you apologizing?" Says a voice that isn't Daniel's, so I look up sheepishly from the ground and see that it's not Daniel, it's actually Vic.

"I'm sorry, I'm just jumpy." I manage, my heart racing really fast for only being tapped on the shoulder.

"That's okay, I was just wondering if you wanted to walk to class with me?" He asks, sounding unsure of himself.

"Of course!" I chirp, hoping that my voice isn't dripping with fake-ness. I just wanted to sound peppy and make up for acting so stupid earlier.

I quickly unlock my locker and grab all my stuff before turning back to Vic with a smile. We begin to walk the halls when I spot Daniel walking towards us. I suddenly feel tenser and I hope my hands don't begin to shake.

Daniel doesn't even say anything, just walks up to me and places a kiss on my forehead. He grabs my hand and squeezes it slightly to long for it to be comfortable, smiles and walks away.

"Who was that?" Vic asks, looking over at me wearily as we are stopped in the middle of the hallway and I look shaken.

"That's Daniel, my boyfriend." I say smiling, beginning to walk again.

"Oh." He breathes, with an unreadable expression on his face.

Neither of us say anything after that, we just keep walking and settle in to the back of the class and wait for the teacher to begin teaching.

I was still shaken from what happened and I had no idea why. Daniel didn't do anything, so why did I feel like I couldn't breathe when he was around.

I was trying to steady my breathing but I felt my lungs closing in on themselves and the stupid piece of fabric around my chest wasn't helping.

I think Vic noticed what was happening as he walked to the front of the room and whispered something into the teachers ear. I tried to focus on him walking towards me but my eyes were tearing up and I felt I couldn't get any air in.

"Come with me." Vic said, pulling me up and leading me towards the boys washroom.

"Can't," I breathe, "Can't go in there." I manage, feeling myself spiralling further and further into this panic attack.

"Why?" Vic questions, looking at me warily as I panic more and more.

"Not a boy." I say through the tears that are starting to spill as Vic pulls me in there anyways.

He scans the room, finding all stalls empty, he locks the door behind us. He sits me on the floor against the wall and kneels in front of me.

"Kellin, I need you to breathe for me." Vic says and I cry harder.

The binding around my chest makes it impossible to get a good breath in and I feel terrible as I struggle to breathe more and more.

It feels like someone's hands are around my throat, squeezing and squeezing. I shut my eyes tightly trying to not think of them as Daniel's hands.

Vic looks panicked as I am showing no signs of steadying my breathing and through my tears and pants I take my shirt off. I may not know this boy very well but I can't breath and my binder needs to come off.

"Help." I say desperately between sobs. "Get it off."

I use all my strength to push my arms above my head, making me feel dizzy as Vic hesitantly grabs my binder and begins to pull it over my head.

He gets it off and I take a breath in, letting a sob out at how great it feels and immediately pull my shirt on, not wanting to be topless in front of Vic.

"Thank you." I whisper after a few deep breaths, looking up to see Vic facing the other way.

"Do you have a shirt on now because I'm sure that it's better for us both that you have one on." He says, still facing the other wall.

"Yeah." I pant, looking up as he turns around and sits in front of me. I try not to focus on the fact that I have no binder on and that I have no chance of passing as a guy.

"Is this why you aren't allowed in the boys washroom?" Vic asks and I nod, ashamed of myself. "I think that's stupid."

"What?" I ask, it wasn't stupid. I was the one at fault, I was the freak who wanted to be a boy. How could it be stupid?

"I said it's stupid, you are just as much of a boy as me." He rants and I smile, my first real one of the day.

"Thank you." I say, pausing. "And not just for saying that, thank you for helping me out in here."

"It's really no big deal, but if you have panic attacks why would you wear that?" He says, pointing to the discarded binder on the floor. "That can't be helpful."

"I normally have panic attacks if I don't wear it, it's the lesser of two evils." I say, immediately wondering why I was opening up to this boy who I barely knew anything about.

"Oh, I suppose you need to put it back on and we need to get back to class? Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, can you just turn around?" I ask and he nods quickly turning around. "You won't treat me like a girl because of this, right?" I ask while pulling on my binder.

"Of course not, why would I do that?"

"I don't know." I say, not wanting to mention that everyone else treated me like a girl. "Let's head back to class."

"Yeah, let's." He says, but doesn't move and just stands motionless with his eyebrows furrowed. I follow his line of sight and see his gaze on my arm, right where it's bruised.

I quickly pull down my sleeve and shoot him a quick smile, leading him out of the bathroom back towards class.