Forever a Ghost ✓

Matthew C. Roberts

As I anticipate her return, I wander throughout the house, deep in thought. What could be happening right now between the two? Is it going well? Is Markus a terrible person? How much longer must I wait for her?

I'm so tired of waiting. Of waiting and waiting and waiting... For everything. Waiting for her to return. Waiting for Mom to return. Waiting to be set free from this house. Always waiting. It never ends, huh?

Finally, at about 4:30, my head perks up at the sound of the front door opening. I run to the door and see Abbie come inside, a guy trailing behind. That must be Markus... It must have gone well if he's here.

"Hey, so I had a lot of fun. But I have to admit something before you get the wrong idea," Markus says. Abbie stares at him, waiting for him to continue. "I don't feel romantically attracted to you. Don't get me wrong, I do think you're quite pretty, I just... I went on this date hoping to get over someone, but all I can think of is her in a romantic light. However, I'd love to just be friends. You're a really fun person to spend time with."

My anxiety settles at his confession and I await for Abbie to respond. I pray to God, or whatever exists, that she doesn't feel romantically attracted to him either, and feel a little strange realizing what I'm hoping. Why do I want that..?

"I feel the same. I think you're an awesome and funny person, but I can't get my mind off of someone else. Besides that, I'm not even really actively looking to date. I went on this for Aria more than myself... No offense."

...Someone else..? My heart sinks at this new information.

He laughs. "None taken. Friends?" Markus holds out his hand. She shakes it.

"Friends. What's your number? I definitely want to hang out again. We can play board games some time."

"Of course! Here, give me your phone."

They talk for a few minutes before Markus leaves, shutting the door on the way out. Abbie locks it and slides down the door to the floor, sighing. "I'm so exhausted."

"I'm assuming it went well, huh?" I ask, expecting a positive answer.

"We're friends now! And he wasn't a jerk, so yeah, I'd say so."

"Good! I was worried for you." Why did I admit that?

"You were, huh? You didn't have to be, I mean, if he was a jerk, I'd still find a way to deal."

"And I'd still be a bit worried," I reply. Too late to go back now.

"Interesting. Anyway, my legs hurt, so I'm going to shower and then we can watch a movie. Sound good?"

"Sounds great! I'll be down here when you're ready."

With that, she slowly makes her way up the stairs and I hear footsteps above me, then the shower starting. I'm giddy about the fact that even though she feels exhausted, she still wants to watch a movie with me. Another reason I adore our time spent together, the sheer fact that she wants to spend time together despite how busy or tired she gets.

Awhile later, I hear footsteps coming back down and see Abbie. She has a blanket nestled around her and she flops down on the couch. "Okay, what do you want to watch?"

"I don't know, your pick," I answer, adding nothing to the decision.

"Helpful," she quietly laughs. I smile at her laugh. "Alright, time me. I have a minute to pick out a move."

"And what if you don't find one?"

"Death," she says, a deadpan expression on her face. "Now time me."

***

Abbie had ended up picking the most ridiculous movie she could find in a minute. It had worked, the movie was atrociously absurd, but it seems after awhile her drowsiness had gotten to her, because currently I see her sleeping soundly on the couch. I smile at her, shutting off the tv, and lay down at the opposite side of the couch. She's stunning, even now, and I wonder why I've never thought this with a girl before her.

Oh my God.

No no no no no!

I can't believe it took me this long to realize that the reason for all the thoughts I'm having whenever I see her is because I... I'm beginning to really, seriously, and wholeheartedly have romantic feelings for her.

I can't have this happen, I... I'm just a ghost. And she's a human. A living, breathing human. And I can't even hug her. She can't even see me... It could never work, not in millions of years. I can't contribute anything to her! I can't even leave this godforsaken house!

She can never know my feelings, I'm not letting myself get in the way of her life like that. Or have our friendship ruined because of my feelings towards her.

I'm screwed.